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I just received a notice for Jury Duty

CCTAU

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Re: I just received a notice for Jury Duty
« Reply #20 on: August 13, 2009, 12:27:01 PM »
We should compile a complete list. Some of these are pretty good.
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Five statements of WISDOM
1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity, by legislating the wealth out of prosperity.
2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.
3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.
4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it.
5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friends, is the beginning of the end of any nation.

Jumbo

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Re: I just received a notice for Jury Duty
« Reply #21 on: August 13, 2009, 02:33:09 PM »
I can tell them I use my mouth better than a twenty dollar whore!
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You'll never shine if you don't glow.

Saniflush

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Re: I just received a notice for Jury Duty
« Reply #22 on: August 13, 2009, 02:35:50 PM »
I can tell them I use my mouth better than a twenty dollar whore!

I thought you wanted to be excused from jury duty?
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"Hey my friends are the ones that wanted to eat at that shitty hole in the wall that only served bread and wine.  What kind of brick and mud business model is that.  Stick to the cart if that's all you're going to serve.  Then that dude came in with like 12 other people, and some of them weren't even wearing shoes, and the restaurant sat them right across from us. It was gross, and they were all stinky and dirty.  Then dude starts talking about eating his body and drinking his blood...I almost lost it.  That's the last supper I'll ever have there, and I hope he dies a horrible death."

Re: I just received a notice for Jury Duty
« Reply #23 on: August 14, 2009, 04:29:12 PM »
I can tell them I use my mouth better than a twenty dollar whore!

If you do that, they may make you the foreman.
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Tiger Six

Re: I just received a notice for Jury Duty
« Reply #24 on: August 14, 2009, 04:49:27 PM »
Tell them that story about the stolen car, drunk Mexicans and the trip home from the Platinum Plus in Anniston.
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Argo

Re: I just received a notice for Jury Duty
« Reply #25 on: August 14, 2009, 10:38:13 PM »
Tell them that story about the stolen car, drunk Mexicans and the trip home from the Platinum Plus in Anniston.

Don't forget to lead in with a question about statute of limitations. 
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Jumbo

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Re: I just received a notice for Jury Duty
« Reply #26 on: August 15, 2009, 02:34:27 AM »
Tell them that story about the stolen car, drunk Mexicans and the trip home from the Platinum Plus in Anniston.
I was so lucky, Skoal saved me!
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You'll never shine if you don't glow.

The Prowler

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Re: I just received a notice for Jury Duty
« Reply #27 on: August 15, 2009, 12:16:20 PM »
Ha Ha, you're screwed.  No getting outta this.  Keep me updated on what the trial is about.
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"Patriotism and popularity are the beaten paths for power and tyranny." Good, no worries about tyranny w/ Trump

"Alabama's Special Teams unit is made up of Special Ed students." - Daniel Tosh

"The HUNH does cause significant Health and Safety issues, Health issues for the opposing fans and Safety issues for the opposing coaches." - AU AD Jay Jacobs

Re: I just received a notice for Jury Duty
« Reply #28 on: August 15, 2009, 02:13:35 PM »
For every question they ask you, respond with "I plead the fifth." 
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The Guy That Knows Nothing of Hyperbole

Jumbo

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Re: I just received a notice for Jury Duty
« Reply #29 on: August 15, 2009, 02:51:55 PM »
For every question they ask you, respond with "I plead the fifth." 
I need my lawyer present.
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You'll never shine if you don't glow.

Pell City Tiger

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Re: I just received a notice for Jury Duty
« Reply #30 on: August 15, 2009, 07:02:15 PM »
For every question they ask you, respond with "I plead the fifth." 
And then break out a 5th.
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"I stood up, unzipped my pants, lowered my shorts and placed my bare ass on the window. That's the last thing I wanted those people to see of me."