Bear Country

[AUChizad]

http://www.trackemtigers.com/2009/6/8/903264/alabama-crimson-tide-shakespeare

Alabama Crimson Tide Shakespeare Festival Now Playing



The Alabama Shakespeare Festival's play, Bear Country, about the life of legendary Alabama coach Paul Bryant and the last days leading up to his retirement, is coming to Birmingham later this summer after a successful run in Montgomery earlier this year. The play has been a rare hit for the ASF, which has suffered along with other businesses in these lean economic times. Previously, they had to cancel Les Miserables due to poor ticket sales. But for Bear Country, tailgaters have even shown up before events. No mention yet if Nick Saban will perform a stint as guest director. Seems he's too busy trying to write his own comedy/tragedy in Tuscaloosa.

So considering the success that the performing arts have received from the infusion of Crimson Tide lore, I think the Shakespeare festival can only benefit if we succinctly write the Capstone into your normal Shakespearean fare. Bama fans, not normally known for their love of the classics, can't be spoon-fed this culture knowingly . We have to give it to them subliminally, by slightly altering the Bard's dialogue to include the Alabama football references.

So what we do is to take some of the more common Shakepeare quotes from all his great works and give them the delicate re-write that will make them fan favorites from Legion Field to Bryant Denny. We're writing baby, we're writing!

 

JULIO CAESAR:

"Friends, Bammers, countrymen, lend me your ears: I come to bury Tuberville, not to become finger number six!"

"Beware the national signing days that occur in March!"

"Et tu, James Willis?

"Cowards die many times before their deaths, but we lost to Louisiana-Monroe only once."

"Cry havoc, and let slip the dogs of war, and the recruiting limo stunt from your fingers..."

 

AS YOU LIKE IT:

"All the world's a stage, but none smell like the urine and bourbon of Bryant-Denny!"

 

HAMLET:

"To be or not to be, under NCAA investigation. THAT is the question..."

"Neither a borrower nor a lender be, especially as applies to player-provided textbooks."

"The lady doth protest too much, methinks. But can someone please give Collette Connell a ride home?"

"Give every man thy ear, and few thy voice, and you still won't be half the ear that Tuberville is."

TEMPEST:

"He that dies pays all debts, but still keeps his season tickets..."

 

KING RICHARD III:

"Now is the winter of our discontent, but we can start text messaging recruits after Christmas."

"A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse! But only a buck twenty for Albert Means?

 

ROMEO AND JULIO:

"What's in a name? That which we call recruiting, at any other school, by any other name, would not pass the smell test."

"O Julio, O Julio! Wherefore art thou for thy sophomore year, Julio?"

"Parting is such sweet sorrow. We hardly knew thee, Tubs!"

 

KING HENRY IV:

"The better part of valor is discretion, of which Mike Price's strippers had none."

 

MEASURE FOR MEASURE:

"What's mine is yours, and what is yours is mine, but neither of us will get our $4 million worth."

 

MACBETH:

"Something wicked this way comes. NCAA probation..."

[Birmingham]

No mention yet if Nick Saban will perform a stint as guest director. Seems he's too busy trying to write his own comedy/tragedy in Tuscaloosa.

Yeah, an undefeated season in his 2nd year with back to back top recruiting classes is both comedic and tragic.  The guy had a good piece on it's own, there's no need to devalue it with a senseless comment like this.

[Godfather]

Yeah, an undefeated season in his 2nd year with back to back top recruiting classes is both comedic and tragic.  The guy had a good piece on it's own, there's no need to devalue it with a senseless comment like this.

undefeated...are you drinking this early? I seem to recall 2 losses..one of those being to MAC team no less.

[Saniflush]

Yeah, an undefeated season in his 2nd year with back to back top recruiting classes is both comedic and tragic.  The guy had a good piece on it's own, there's no need to devalue it with a senseless comment like this.

Yeah I'm gonna have to disagree there.

[Buzz Killington]

Yeah, an undefeated season in his 2nd year with back to back top recruiting classes is both comedic and tragic.  The guy had a good piece on it's own, there's no need to devalue it with a senseless comment like this.

You really need to go back and read that party line again...you forgot a word.  Didn't you get the memo about the TPS cover sheets?

[stewiegriffin]

Yeah, an undefeated season in his 2nd year with back to back top recruiting classes is both comedic and tragic.  The guy had a good piece on it's own, there's no need to devalue it with a senseless comment like this.

as my aunt would say "UNDEFEATED'S ASS!" you "people" laugh at us for claiming ANYTHING from 2004 and now you are calling last year an undefeated season, there's less horse shit in my pasture

[Godfather]

[RWS]

undefeated...are you drinking this early? I seem to recall 2 losses..one of those being to MAC team no less.

An undefeated MWC (not MAC) team, in the Sugar Bowl. They are 22-4 over the past two seasons, so its not like they are teh suck or something. But hey, if you want to cast stones, I wouldn't ask your corch about his record against the MAC......or the Missouri Valley Conference either. Ouch.

[RWS]

as my aunt would say "UNDEFEATED'S ASS!" you "people" laugh at us for claiming ANYTHING from 2004 and now you are calling last year an undefeated season, there's less horse shit in my pasture

Well, it was an undefeated REGULAR season, but its a moot point since we lost the last two post-season games.

[Godfather]

Well, it was an undefeated REGULAR season, but its a moot point since we lost the last two post-season games.

Yeah and winning the SEC western division really means something.

[Godfather]

An undefeated MWC (not MAC) team, in the Sugar Bowl. They are 22-4 over the past two seasons, so its not like they are teh suck or something. But hey, if you want to cast stones, I wouldn't ask your corch about his record against the MAC......or the Missouri Valley Conference either. Ouch.

Well shit you guys should claim #13

[Birmingham]

Yeah and winning the SEC western division really means something.

If winning the West means nothing, what does it mean to not win the west?  Oh yeah, I forgot.  Down year, coaching friction yada yada yada. 

I was referring (obviously, as if it needed explaining) to the regular season, not the post season.

[Buzz Killington]

If winning the West means nothing, what does it mean to not win the west?  Oh yeah, I forgot.  Down year, coaching friction yada yada yada. 

I was referring (obviously, as if it needed explaining) to the regular season, not the post season.

Well, if we can play the ignore game...Auburn had an undefeated season as well.

The Home, non-conference part of the season anyway.

[Birmingham]

Well, if we can play the ignore game...Auburn had an undefeated season as well.

The Home, non-conference part of the season anyway.

I know you were attempting to be a smartass instead of making a joke but I laughed my ass off that you had to go as far as non-conference games that happened to also be played at Auburn in order to be undefeated.  lmao!

[Godfather]

If winning the West means nothing, what does it mean to not win the west?  Oh yeah, I forgot.  Down year, coaching friction yada yada yada. 

I was referring (obviously, as if it needed explaining) to the regular season, not the post season.

I could really give a fuck about winning the western division, after the turd you guys have laid for the past 7 years I don't blame the excitement, but winning the west gets you what.  A ticket to the Capital One Bowl and a bag of chips.

[RWS]

Well shit you guys should claim #13

I KNOW!!

[wesfau2]

but winning the west gets you what.

A trip to Atlanta.

[JR4AU]

Yeah, an undefeated season in his 2nd year with back to back top recruiting classes is both comedic and tragic. 

To a man, every bammer talks about "the undefeated season" or "12-0", and never 12-2, or 12 wins and nothing to show for it.  You know, those losses count whether they come in games 1 thru 12, or game 13 and 14.   

[Birmingham]

those losses count whether they come in games 1 thru 12, or game 13 and 14.

You know what I think counts, JR4AU, not having the opportunity to play 13 and 14.

[stewiegriffin]

If winning the West means nothing, what does it mean to not win the west?  Oh yeah, I forgot.  Down year, coaching friction yada yada yada.  

I was referring (obviously, as if it needed explaining) to the regular season, not the post season.

Well then, we were undefeated in the games we won. UNDEFEATED BABY!!