Kaos' way behind movie reviews

[Kaos]

Notorious

Decent movie.  Worth watching if you care at all about the rise of rap music and the East Coast-West Coast feud. 

Be warned, though, that this movie tells things strictly from the East Coast perspective as it was produced by Sean Combs.  B.I.G is a leaf-turning angel, Combs is an earnest, hard-working hand up from the ghetto and Tupac is a crazy ass, reckless young negro who caused all the strife and tension. 

I bet if you got the same story told from the West Coast perspective it would have an extremely different flavor. The film glosses over the fact that Christopher Wallace was a thug in real life. It does show portions of that, but is careful to make sure that there are justifications for his indiscretions.

All in all, though, it's a pretty decent portrait of an ignorant street hood who stumbled into fame and then infamy.  He was probably not, as the movie portrayed, angelic and blameless.  Nor was Combs probably the heroic figure this film makes him out to be. 

Still haven't figured out how that fat bastard snared the decent-looking females, however. 

I enjoyed this movie much more than The Reader, Doubt, Gran Torino, No Ending for Fucked Up Movie and other films I've watched lately.  Maybe it was just because I liked the beat.

[BZ770]

The Wrestler

I rented it today and It's one badass film and Marisa Tomei is still smokin, and she shows lot of tits in the film rent it for that at least.

[Jumbo]

The Wrestler

I rented it today and It's one badass film and Marisa Tomei is still smokin, and she shows lot of tits in the film rent it for that at least.

She looked better that I thought she would, I enjoyed the special features better than the movie IMO. The roundtable discussion with the wrestlers I watched growing up is worth a view.

[Kaos]

The Wrestler

I rented it today and It's one badass film and Marisa Tomei is still smokin, and she shows lot of tits in the film rent it for that at least.

I already reviewed this movie. 

Is the title of this thread bzzzwhatever's re-reviews of movies that have already been reviewed ? I didn't think so.

[War Eagle!!!]

I already reviewed this movie. 

Is the title of this thread bzzzwhatever's re-reviews of movies that have already been reviewed ? I didn't think so.

 

I wondered when someone was going to get that reaction from you...

It was coming...only a matter of the wrong person at the wrong time...

[Godfather]

TRANSFORMERS

I've read the reviews. I've seen the universal pans of this movie. I've read all the problems the critics have with it and their utter disdain for Michael Bay. 

Well you know what?  FUCK them. 

They bitch because the movie has no plot.  What the fuck do they want? Annie Hall or some miserable shit like The Reader?  Here's the plot:  Lots and lots and lots of shit blows up.  Robots brawl.  People run and scream. More shit blows up. The good guys win. 

They complain because certain aspects of the movie are unrealistic or far-fetched.  What the bleeding fuck? They're watching a movie about CARS THAT TURN INTO FUCKING ROBOTS.  That's the premise.  So if they have an alien that can shit Chinese take out, is that really any further off the reality chart?

They piss and moan because Megan Fox can't act.  Well I don't even care for her all that much, but let me be the first to say that I don't give a fuck.  She wasn't hired to do Shakesperean soloquies. She was hired to look fucking hot in those shorts and those jeans and to have a sexy little sassy ass attitude.  Mission accomplished. Yeah, I'd fuck this character.  Maybe not Megan herself, but her character in this movie would get the stiff dick.  And I'd damn sure tell her I loved her.

The movie was what it was. Like Pirates of the Caribbean II it wasn't quite as good as the first one, mainly because the first one set the bar so high that the second couldn't quite measure up.  Doesn't mean it was bad. It was a fun movie.

Yeah, there's some unnecessary throwaway shit.  The dog humping? What the fuck? That meant nothing and was a cheap attempt to draw a laugh.

There were things that didn't make sense.  Don't want to give too much away, but after you've seen it ask yourself these questions:

1) What happened to the litthe traitor Decepticon after it converted? After playing an integral role, it just vanished.

2) Where the fuck did all the flashlights come from? Seriously. I want somebody to answer that one.

3) Do they sell lip gloss in Egypt? I think they must.

4) What happened to theAllSpark sliver? Another important plot point that just vanished with no elaboration.


Other problems? Why they had to add the shits, fucks and pussies to the dialogue was beyond me. This is a movie that kids want to watch. The profanity added nothing. Neither did the silly ass pot brownie moment. I had to explain that ridiculous shit to my nine year old on the way home.

I've also got to fault Bay for flubbing  a pivotal confrontation between Optimus Prime and Megatron. What should have been an emotionally charged moment was completely drained of feeling. That's bad direction.

The movie was supposed to entertain. Fuck those snobby ass critics. I was entertained. My daughter laughed at the right parts and clapped at the end. What else can you expect?

Saw this last night, I agree with your review I thought for what it was it was an entertaining movie.  Then again I could have watched Megan Fox dance around the screen for 2hrs and I would have been entertained.  I have the answer to #4 for you.

The used that sliver to "restart" the old decepticon (the stealth bomber).  I think a better question was why that sliver gave Sam all that knowledge and the other sliver the decepticons stole didn't have that same knowledge, huh...huh.  It was an action movie pure and simple and it did not disappoint.

[Kaos]

Succubus: Evil Never Dies

Pirates (XXX) set the bar high for adult films. It had a semi-serious plot and a huge budget. It took the interest in high sea adventure spawned by Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean and infused a dose of naked swashbuckling. The result was a film that men could somewhat legitimately pitch to their mates and trick them into watching raw porn.  It's much easier for the mate to justify watching Pirates than it is to accept pleas to sit down to "Cum Swapping Whores IV."  As a result it became one of the biggest adult films in history. It was good enough that Netflix offers a sanitized version.

Here, Internet porn icon Raven Riley attempts to follow in the Pirate wake by combining a tried and true genre (horror) with a heavy dose of adult action. 

Raven, who co-produced the film, recruits goth pal Liz Vicious to play the titular Succubus and adds a handful of other online peek peddlers like Brandi Love to the cast. 

The camera work is good quality, it has the look and feel of a real movie. The concept itself isn't bad.  Cursed girl returns to her ancestral home to battle an awakened evil that only she can destroy. The destruction involves a saber-laced wooden dildo. It's got potential.

So what's the problem? Nobody in this movie can act a lick. The acting is so bad you don't even really care about the screwing when it commences. The worst of all is Raven's partner in the film. The guy is perhaps the worst actor to ever grace any screen.  Poor Raven's not far behind. 

The sex scenes are average at best and lack passion.

Yes, I realize that you're not looking for Oscar-worthy performances in a film like this. (Sidebar: Anybody seen Chloe Sveginy in The Brown Bunny? )  But the acting shouldn't be so godawful that it detracts from the "other." 

For what it is, it's not bad. I've seen worse mainstream movies and worse adult films. In the right hands, though, it could have been so much better. Raven's hands -- while talented in many ways -- don't have the filmmaking touch.

The production values are better than average porn, so it's possible that this is a film you could justify to the wife/girlfriend as a real movie, a la Pirates. Not sure, though, that they'll get the same charge out of it they drew from Pirates, however.

Overall? A C at best.  If this is Raven's attempt to launch herself into the mainstream, she misfired.

[Kaos]

Public Enemies
Starring Johnny Depp and Christian Bale

The problem with going to a movie based on real life, particularly a life as well-chronicled as that of John Dillinger, is that you already know how it's going to end.  In some cases you also know how they get from beginning to end.  When that's the case, the challenge for the filmmaker is to entertain along the way. 

That was the case with Public Enemies.  I've always liked the gangster lore and was familiar with most of the pieces of Dillinger's rise, run and fall.  Public Enemies really did little more than provide motion and characterization to the hundreds of still images I've seen in reading about Public Enemy Number One over the years. 

Huge fan of Johnny Depp. Think he's brilliant in most roles.  Unfortunately he falls just a little short here.  His performance was just a bit too smooth, he didn't seem to have the hard edge he'd need to actually be Dillinger.

Christian Bale left me flat. His here and gone accent as Melvin Purvis was a distraction and kept jolting me out of the film.  He's simply been in too many movies lately.  I kept waiting for him to put on the batsuit or go kill a robot or something. 

I think the movie missed its mark also by focusing on the John-Billie aspect and not giving enough attention to the gangster life itself.  The differing styles between Dillinger and Nelson, forced together by circumstance, could have been a movie all its own. Instead it got a glossing over. 

All that aside, the movie did a good job of following the chain of events without unnecessarily sensationalizing them.  It managed to entertain while telling a story that I already knew. 

I was hoping for a Goodfellas for the 30s and got something a little less. That doesn't mean it wasn't good.  I'd see it again. 

[Kaos]

Before The Devil Knows You're Dead

I'd never heard of this movie before I ran across it on Showtime the other night.  The combination of Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Ethan Hawke, Albert Finney and Marisa Tomei was too intriguing to resist so I gave it a chance.

Those of you whapping the paddle to Tomei's stripper turn in The Wrestler? She's nekkid in this one, too, -- a super and unexpected bonus -- and she looks a hundred times better than she did in the other flick. Even if you care nothing for the story, it's worth fast forwarding to see her tight body.

The story itself had so much potential.  Brothers conspire to rob parent's jewelry store, but the plot is bungled and it ends in the death of a family member.

There were good sequences and Hoffman's performance was quality.  Overall, though, the movie took a great premise and dropped the ball.

Marissa's dalliance with Hawke -- completely miscast in this role -- wasn't credible and did nothing to advance the story.  Had Hoffman's character actually taken the financial liberties with his employer we were led to believe, the response would have been much more agressive than a barrage of "you need to come talk to us" phone calls.

Hawke stood out like a sore thumb, completely unable to pull off the bumbling dumb brother act.

The ending was flat and didn't provide the resolution you'd expect from the drawn out emotional conflict. 

I'd watch it again, but only to see Marissa naked.  Since I can google that, it's not really necessary to sit through the flick.

[Kaos]

The Uninvited

I love Elizabeth Banks.  I now also love Arielle Kebbel.  (see photo below).  I like knowing that Arielle's favorite ice cream is cookies and cream.  Because I would.... nevermind.  Back to the movie.

Other than slight flash of Elizabeth's midriff and some tacked on shots of Arielle in a bikini, this "horror" movie is absolutely worthless.

It's the remake of a Japanese flick (what horror movie isn't these days?) and for an hour and a half nothing much happens.  Oh, it's got the requisite grim-faced children that seem to populate all Japanese remakes but even they aren't frightening in any way. 

I kept waiting and waiting for something to happen and when it finally did?  Pffffffftttttttt.  Who gives a poop?

The ending provided an alleged twist and although I didn't see it coming, I also didn't give a phuk. 

Don't bother renting this garbage unless you're the kind who can bust a nut over a young girl in a bikini during about five decent minutes of screen time.

[Kaos]

Slumdog Millionaire

One of the best movies I've seen in a long, long time. 

That is all.

[Thrilla]

Slumdog Millionaire

One of the best movies I've seen in a long, long time. 

That is all.

I rented it and it surprised the hell out of me as well.  Great flick.  Obviously you were keeping it short here, so I will do the obligatory work:

[The Prowler]

Public Enemies
Starring Johnny Depp and Christian Bale

The problem with going to a movie based on real life, particularly a life as well-chronicled as that of John Dillinger, is that you already know how it's going to end.  In some cases you also know how they get from beginning to end.  When that's the case, the challenge for the filmmaker is to entertain along the way. 

That was the case with Public Enemies.  I've always liked the gangster lore and was familiar with most of the pieces of Dillinger's rise, run and fall.  Public Enemies really did little more than provide motion and characterization to the hundreds of still images I've seen in reading about Public Enemy Number One over the years. 

Huge fan of Johnny Depp. Think he's brilliant in most roles.  Unfortunately he falls just a little short here.  His performance was just a bit too smooth, he didn't seem to have the hard edge he'd need to actually be Dillinger.

Christian Bale left me flat. His here and gone accent as Melvin Purvis was a distraction and kept jolting me out of the film.  He's simply been in too many movies lately.  I kept waiting for him to put on the batsuit or go kill a robot or something. 

I think the movie missed its mark also by focusing on the John-Billie aspect and not giving enough attention to the gangster life itself.  The differing styles between Dillinger and Nelson, forced together by circumstance, could have been a movie all its own. Instead it got a glossing over. 

All that aside, the movie did a good job of following the chain of events without unnecessarily sensationalizing them.  It managed to entertain while telling a story that I already knew. 

I was hoping for a Goodfellas for the 30s and got something a little less. That doesn't mean it wasn't good.  I'd see it again. 

So basically, if you don't know how everything transpired or if you don't know that much about Dillinger, then this would be a really good movie?

[Kaos]

Baby Mama
I would like to have a relationship with Tina Fey.  She's smart, funny and cute.  I would like to have sex with Amy Poehler repeatedly.  I bet she'd do some funky shit and have fun doing it. 

Beyond that?  No redeeming value to this movie.  Just a chance to get the losers from SNL who should be flipping burgers and not on my TV some exposure.  Jokes mostly flat, storyline contrived. Steve Martin fails in his role.

Meet Dave
I did not make it past ten minutes of this god awful pile of garbage. 

What the fuck, Eddie Murphy? You were once a comic genius.  How the hell did you get to this point in your career?  Shit movie after shit movie. Un-fucking-watchable.

Beverly Hills Cop 5, please.  No more of this.

[wesfau2]

What the fuck, Eddie Murphy? You were once a comic genius.  How the hell did you get to this point in your career? 

Transvestite.

Hooker.

[Saniflush]

Transvestite.

Hooker.

You fuck with Rick James you get the horns.

[Kaos]

What's sad about Meet Dave is that Elizabeth Banks -- who I think is adorable -- is in it.  It's the second straight movie I've seen her in that was just completely abysmal. 

Who in their right mind would think she could "fall" for mugging, goofy, ancient Murphy?  Why would she even take this turd-laced role?  I mean she looks like this:

[Kaos]

Last House on the Left

Forget the remake, I decided to check out the original 1972 version of this film. It was one of Wes Craven's first films, was banned for 30-something years in Australia and has developed a minor cult following over the years.

Something to remember about movies with cult followings?  They're often shockingly bad.  

This one fits that mold.  How anyone who saw this dreadful film could ever have greenlighted another Craven project is beyond me.

The premise is solid. Girl gets raped/killed, killers end up hanging out with her family who eventually exacts revenge.  

But this film?  Godawful.  The acting was terrible. The camera work was hideous.  The soundtrack was intrusive and perhaps the worst I've ever found in a movie.  Nothing fit.  

Oh, there were some good bits.  In 1972 the concept of showing a blowjob and subsequent toothy removal of the appendage was probably some wacko poop.  Having dad stalk around with a chainsaw might have been mindblowing 37 years ago.  It was hackneyed today.  

When you've got a good story to tell and good actors telling it, you don't have to go for the shock factor. This went all shock and wasted a potentially good scenario.  

I hear the remake is similarly butchered (pardon the pun) and won't waste my time.  Too bad a good setup has been now twice wasted.

Pics below are of the peter gnawing mom and the two girls the killers killed.

[Jumbo]

Kaos, dont waste your time on Observe and Report.

[Kaos]

Kaos, dont waste your time on Observe and Report.

Thanks for the warning.  Not a big Seth Rogen fan anyway.