Kaos' way behind movie reviews

[Kaos]

The King's Man
Origin story to the first Kingsman movie. 

The first was a surprising treat, elevated by the performances of Samuel Jackson, Knife Leg Girl, fake Elton John, and the other Colin (Firth, not Ferrell). It was better than expected. The concept of nattily attired British poofs brutally brawling was new.

The second wasn't quite as good - or make that nearly. It veered into almost parody with the real Elton John, robot dogs, Mandalorian cowboys, mumble mouth Bridges and Magic Mike. It was so overstuffed with kitsch it failed to deliver the story. 

This one just sort of slid through without really making an impact.  The pieces and parts were good enough.  The WWI historical references were pretty much on target. But the choice of a terribly bland and uninspiring face to play the central character Conrad really hurt. Couldn't get invested in his fate.  Voldemort was okay.  The Nanny was mildly interesting. Djimon Honsu (?) was his usual self. The film would have been better if it had filled in more of the Rasputin story and maybe toned him down just a bit.  The fight scene with the Russian Rasputin was the best exchange of the film.

Maybe if this had come out first, before the far superior first Eggsy one, it would have fared better. But it didn't so instead of plowing new ground, it just sort of wallowed in its past and showed things we've already seen done better by others.

[wesfau2]

Free Guy

About what I expected from the trailers. 

Video game minor character breaks out of doing the same exact loop every day and shakes up the game.  Ryan Reynolds attempts to escape being Deadpool by being a  subdued, much less profane, blue-shirt wearing version of Deadpool.  The thing is, though, Reynolds does that act so effortlessly that makes an easy watch. 

The movie didn't change the world. It didn't speak anyone's truth. It didn't have some great deeper meaning. It just told a relatively entertaining story in a reasonably fun way.  That was appreciated. 

The heroine of the film - Millie - was played by Jodie Cormer of Killing Eve who somehow magically vacillated between kind of hot and well, maybe not.  I liked her, though.

It was a sweet, simple story of finding your heart in the both real life and virtual reality. It's not something I'm putting on my shelf to watch over and over, but it was an enjoyable watch once.

Taika Waititi continues to be the source of all fun in Hollywood; behind the camera, in front...whatever.

[Kaos]

Inventing Anna

What the fucking goat bleating fuck?  I know Ruth from Ozark was doing her best to mimic the odd vocal intonations of the real life Anna Delvy (Sorokin) but it was so, so, so bad and distracting that it made the limited series (I'm treating it as a film) extremely hard to watch.  It was just horrible.  I hope she can find her footing somewhere other than this.  She only sort of captured the bizarre story of the wannabe who came close to scamming her way into the upper strata of New York society. 

There were so many potentially entertaining angles to take with this story, but of course the director skewed in the completely wrong direction.  What else would you expect from the massively overhyped Shonda Rhimes who brought us such shitty pulpy, over-dramatized, over-acted, tripe as Scandal and How to Get Away With Murder.  Garbage heaped on top of garbage.  In the hands of literally ANYONE else, this could have been a really compelling story of greed begetting greed and just how close Anna (whoever she was) came to getting away with it.  And if she had?  If her scheme had actually worked and her dreams of a super posh gallery taken off like she imagined and made the profits she envisioned... would there even be a story?

Nah.  Shonda fucked ALL of that up by spending too much time on the giant dick swinging around in Laverne Cox's bikini underwear, Ruth's hideous accent, and a constantly shifting timeline that essentially destroyed the narrative flow.  Where she fucked up even worse was spending so much focus on the bug-eyed histrionics of the journalist who allegedly wrote the story that exposed Anna.  She -- as embodied by Anna Chlumsky -- was a simply horrible, hysterical, piece of garbage as a person. 

I really wanted to get a sense for how Anna was able to charm her way to the cusp of a $40 million dollar financial investment from some of New York's biggest players when she essentially didn't (and never did) have a pot to piss in.  Ruth wasn't solid enough to give that to me and Shitty Shonda absolutely and unequivocally flopped in every directional decision she made.  That includes an absolutely and completely out of place koong... well..."musical score" which literally destroyed every scene in which she opted to interject it.

I hope that awful troll goes back to slinging shit on networks nobody watches any more. 



Trailer below so you can hear Ruth's bizarre take on the accent:


There's a 60 Minutes - Australia interview with the real Anna out there on the you tubes if you want to look it up.  I see what Ruth (ok, ok, Julia Garner) was going for but that layer of Arkansas hillbilly she layered in - I guess because of Ruth - just really took it off the rails.  It was jarringly bad. 

[Kaos]

Arthur (again)
I've reviewed Arthur - the 1981 version, not the unnecessary and obnoxious Russell Brand remake - before. But after just watching it again I realized how much of the nuance I missed.

It's always been among my favorite movies, living on the masterful performances of Dudley Moore and John Gielgud as Arthur and his servant Hobson respectively. I've always thought the only flaw - and it was near fatal - was the casting of Liza Minelli as Linda, Arthur's love interest. 

What I realized after watching it again was the depth. Yes, it's a slapstick comedy. Yes it's broad humor. 

But at it's heart it's a story about fear and loss. Arthur's crippling fear of being alone, of missing out on love and being loved, a fear of death and the void it leaves in your life.  Lost in the his hilarious, drunken antics was the vast and overwhelming loneliness that pervaded his entire existence. Lost in his pursuit of Linda was the fear of being trapped in an empty, loveless marriage with a person with which he had no emotional connection. Most of us (the divorced ones at least) have found ourselves trapped in that same empty wasteland, emotionally adrift, empty, barely treading water.

I never had a billion dollars at stake like Arthur did, but I made awful and terrible decisions, I chased bottles and smoke to numb the agony of a life mired in nothingness and little hope on the horizon. I couldn't afford to be as perpetually drunk as he was, but I leaned into it and found my own solace there. 

It may only resonate with me in that way, but watching the movie again tonight I found myself identifying with the pain Arthur endured, the central ache that neither money, booze nor drugs could salve. 

[Kaos]

Sorry to Bother You

I'm occasionally drawn to odd, quirky films that don't fit inside the big-box hollyweird model.  Sorry to Bother You fell into that spectrum.  From the trailers it looked like a 70s-hued technicolor romp through the rise and fall of a successful telemarketer. 

It wasn't at all what I expected. I think the director possibly thought he had something important (and negative) to say about capitalism, race relations, corporate America, worker's rights, slavery and the human condition. The main problem is he only sees things through his narrow, historically-ignorant, self-righteous prism and (sadly like far too many) only has a superficial radical's perception of any of it. His point of view has all the depth of a caricature.  It doesn't reach the level of importance he believes it does.  Unfortunately his desire to make some kind of statement and his belief that he's tapping an important vein drains the film of the absurdist fun it should deliver.

LaKeith Stanfield (probably best known as Snoop from Straight Outta Compton is really good as Cassius Green, a struggling kid from Oakland who rockets to the top of the telemarketing world by unleashing a secret talent he didn't know he had.... "using a white voice."  As a young black guy he's going nowhere in the pits of a telemarketing sales floor. But after Danny Glover shows him how to affect a white voice, he's suddenly racking up the sales. 

As his friends in the pits (including his shallow and cliched militant artist girlfriend played by Tessa Thompson -- Valkyrie in the Avengers universe) -- struggle to gain a living wage, Green abandons them as he's elevated to 'power caller' status with access to million-dollar deals and all the trappings that go with them.  Suits, cars, houses.  Odd how capitalism is evil until it works for you. One of the firm's biggest clients is Worry Free -- a new paradigm in labor.  It's sort of a mix between Apple, Google, Facebook -- the whole silicon valley concept (except the director doesn't understand how that works).

Apparently the director is keenly unaware of American history.  He has no recollection of how mill towns or steel towns worked. Guess he's never heard Sixteen Tons by Tennessee Ernie Ford. I'm old enough to remember when the cotton mill would buy tracts of land and build houses for their workers, allow them to purchase food, clothes, necessities at the 'company store', exchanging your labor for goods. It wasn't that long ago.

That's the basic concept behind the big bad corporation at the heart of this film's conflict. You work for tWorry Free Corporation (helmed by Armie Hammer in a skirt) and the company takes care of all your needs.  It provides housing, food, clothes, entertainment.  All the necessities for basic sustenance. In exchange the company produces products at a cheaper rate, dominating the market.  In all honesty?  It's not the worst idea. There are a whole fucking lot of people in this country who would be better off in a situation of that nature.

This film, though, equates that with slavery. It also takes it a step further. Working -- working at all -- makes you a slave.  Green wallows in his success, losing friends and his girlfriend. He only steps back when he realizes he's a pawn in the game of the rich folks at Worry Free. Invited to a party (which becomes an orgy) with the bosses they get him to drop his white voice and do ghetto things. "Do a rap, you can rap, right?" 

Once it's exposed that Green is shilling for Worry Free and now has reservations about the work he does, the film veers off into stupidity. It's not enough to just control the workforce, Boss Armie Hammer is using his wealth to design a genetically altered race of super workers.  Really stupid concept, poorly executed.

The director of this film tries so hard to say something meaningful that he ends up ranting like a blowhard Al Sharpton and says nothing at all despite using many superfluous, enormous, splendiferous words in the process.

[AUJarhead]

No Batman review yet, Kaos?

[Kaos]

No Batman review yet, Kaos?

Debating whether I can stomach "woke, twinkle Batman"   I'm seriously considering passing on it completely.

[wesfau2]

Debating whether I can stomach "woke, twinkle Batman"   I'm seriously considering passing on it completely.

If it helps you decide: I thought it was great.  Pattinson is legit.  Ran a bit long, but great cast and story.

[Kaos]

If it helps you decide: I thought it was great.  Pattinson is legit.  Ran a bit long, but great cast and story.

Hard pass.   

[wesfau2]

Hard pass.   

As expected.

[AUJarhead]

If it helps you decide: I thought it was great.  Pattinson is legit.  Ran a bit long, but great cast and story.

Is it part of the larger DC universe, or just stand alone?

[wesfau2]

Is it part of the larger DC universe, or just stand alone?

Stand alone.  The nerds tell me it's a storyline called "The Long Halloween" or somesuch.

Wayne has only been operating "Project Gotham" (read: playing batman) for two years at this point.

[Kaos]

Stand alone.  The nerds tell me it's a storyline called "The Long Halloween" or somesuch.

Wayne has only been operating "Project Gotham" (read: playing batman) for two years at this point.

Yeah.  And BvS was “based on” The Dark Knight Returns. 

I don’t buy that part of it.  I own Long Halloween. 

Just another reason to skip it.

[Kaos]

The Batman

Couldn't help it.  Had an invitation to go see the film at one of those movie and dinner places.  Good food delivered to you while you lounge in a recliner during the film. Hard to pass up.  I had a shrimp po-boy and sweet potato fries in case you were wondering. And a Batman cocktail.

On to the film. If you know me, you know I wasn't looking forward to this.  I don't think much of twinkle the twinky vampire and don't trust DC to get anything about a super hero movie right.  They've shit on so many opportunities to unfuck what was fucked that I just didn't have much hope.  If you're reading this you also know that I am and have always been a Batman fan.  I keep waiting for the movie (a film like Ironman) that captures the essence of the character.  Something always fucks it up. 

My favorite of the 'new' Batman movies was The Dark Knight but in retrospect not for Christian Bale's stupid-voiced Batman, but for Heath Ledger's incredible take on the Joker. That took the place of the 1989 Michael Keaton vehicle - which really hasn't aged that well.  The rest -- B&R, Returns, Begins, Rises, Forever, BvS, Justice League -- all fumble around in the worlds of just okay to fucking awful.  None compare to the outrageously silly Batman Movie from 1966 which remains the gold standard. 

So where does this one rank?  As much as it pains me to admit it, it hangs out right behind The Dark Knight.  In some ways it's the best of them all.  So what went right and what went wrong? 

The Right:
1. This film captured Gotham City as I've seen it in my mind for all my life.  No other Batman film ever made Gotham as real and as right as this one did.   THAT was the Gotham I always knew existed but that no film could ever re-create.  I can't stress that enough. That really won me over.
2. The Batman.  As surprising as I found it to be, Twinkle Twink wore the armor, walked the walk, exuded the quiet menace, and projected the aura of the character better than anybody but Adam West.  His Batman was better than Bale's to me - in no small part because he didn't do that stupid fuck voice. Way better than Clooney or Kilmer.  Better than Affleck for sure.
3. The story. Okay it was way too fucking long and should have excised the entire seventh act... basically everything after the diner to Arkham scene. But other than that, it told a Batman story that you could follow, one that didn't involve monsters from outer space or corny one-liners or bat nipples. Somewhere in this long thread I complained about the nature of superhero movies requiring magic, extraterrestrial beings and all that stuff. This ignored that. It was just Batman in the dirty and gritty underworld of Gotham trying to solve a violent riddle. I appreciated that probably more than anyone else will.  It was what I wanted to see.
4. Falcone. John Turturro added a quality performance as the Gotham mob boss Falcone. He's a staple in Batman movies and usually cast as an afterthought.  I thought Turturro brought the right amount of reserved evil to the role. Although every time he talked I kept trying to figure out who he was imitating with the voice.  I think Paulie Walnuts, but I could be wrong.
5. It trusted us.  This is the first Batman movie I can remember that didn't subject us to a flashback "parents in the alley" segment. At this point we all know the guy's parents were murdered.  They trusted us as an audience to figure that out for ourselves without the flashback trope.  Several times I thought to myself "oh, here we go. here comes the flashback" but the film never stooped to that.

The Wrong:
1. Bruce Wayne. As good as Twinkie was in the Bat suit, he was equally bad playing the man under the cowl.  That part of his performance just didn't work at all. It's weird.  Almost everyone before him was decent enough as Wayne, but struggled in the suit. This guy was the exact opposite.
2. The length.  Clocking in at just under two years, seven days, nine hours and 44 minutes this film was like the Energizer Bat. It kept going and going and going and going. As I remember, there were three specific points where the film could have been wrapped up and still had plenty of material for a second, third and fourth installment.  It should have been shorter. I don't know how long it was for sure, but it was way too fucking long.
3. The obligatory "woke moment."  Thankfully there wasn't much of it, but they had to throw the one impassioned woke speech -- which to be fair drew little reaction from Batman -- from Catwoman. It stood out and was out of place.
4. The characterization of Wayne's parents.  It's Batman canon that his parents were altruistic, decent, honorable people but this film cast doubt on that. It eventually walked it back some, but let the perception linger too long.
5. The darkness.  Okay, I get it. The Batman franchise is never going to reach the level of, say, Ironman. So much of that movie (and all of the entries in the Avengers world) takes place in the light of day.  The Avengers fight in the daytime, they fuck in the daytime, they eat, sleep, shit and piss in the daytime.  Batman only exists at night. If for no other reason, Batman films are destined to be darker. That darkness bleeds over to the overall tone.  This movie didn't just acknowledge the dark it embraced it.  Everyone and everything in it was dour, serious, grim.  It didn't even try for the slightest iota of lightness or humor. The Batman was serious business.  It pulled it off, but it was so fucking hard and dark, there's not much room to lighten it up any at all if there are future installments.  And I'm sure there will be. 
6. Catwoman.  She wasn't bad, necessarily.  Way better than Anne Hathaway's version.  Not sure why, but I just didn't buy her in the role. 

There were no major cameos or big surprises in the cast other than a completely unrecognizable Collin Farrell in a very different (but not unwelcome) take on Penguin. 

Long story short, this movie was shit tons better than I expected.

[AUJarhead]

Movie had more endings than Return of the King, and felt longer.

The Bruce Wayne character was the only thing I didn't really like.  I thought he really nailed Batman.  But his take on Wayne isn't what I've always envisioned him as. 

Can't figure out if the HUSH that you see in the unlocked video is a nod to the next villain, or if they are going to go with the the "unamed arkham inmate" that the Riddler is talking to at the end (or maybe they use the Hush storyline for part 2).

[wesfau2]

felt longer.

I saw it with a friend at the 11:30 am showing.  There were easily 20 minutes of previews (Dr. Strange, Morpheus, Harry Potter, and maybe a couple more).

We got into his car after the show at 2:38.

Felt like two hours longer than that.

[Kaos]

Movie had more endings than Return of the King, and felt longer.

The Bruce Wayne character was the only thing I didn't really like.  I thought he really nailed Batman.  But his take on Wayne isn't what I've always envisioned him as. 

Can't figure out if the HUSH that you see in the unlocked video is a nod to the next villain, or if they are going to go with the the "unamed arkham inmate" that the Riddler is talking to at the end (or maybe they use the Hush storyline for part 2).

BTW, other than the reference to Day One being Halloween, the Riddler being part of the cast and references to Falcone, Penguin and Maroni this movie had nothing in common with The Long Halloween comic series.  There is an animated movie from 2021 that follows the comic fairly faithfully. 

That being the case, even if it does refer to Hush, I don't think there will be much crossover. 

[Kaos]

Spider-Man: No Way Home

There will come a time when Marvel movies jump the shark. This isn't quite it, but the motorcycle was idling and the great white was circling the tank.

On one hand you've got The Batman battling humans in a world that could exist (before they run that off the rails with the upcoming multi-verse driven Flash film).  On the other you've got magic, multiple variations of the same character, silliness and lunacy that drive Spider-Man.  Batman's return to reality plays much better than this time-bending and logically twisted excursion.

Briefly, everybody knows Peter Parker is Spider-Man and he wishes they didn't.  So Dr. Strange cooks up some hoodoo voodoo that goes awry. 

It was supposed to be a rollicking fun reunion of a host of familiar characters. Instead it lacked life.  There was just too much going on. 

Part of the problem is the absolute lack of chemistry between the Parker and MJ characters - who are I'm told dating in real life.  If their real-life partnership has the same wet paper bag spark of this one?  Their bedroom must be duller than a rusty jackknife.

Up to this point almost every Marvel movie (except the ridiculous Black Panther) kept me engaged and involved. This one just left me flat. It was like the film was trying too hard. It was forced. 

All good things come to an end.  Hope not, but this one felt like the beginning of that end. 

I like Holland as Spider-Man, but even he seemed to be just staggering through the paces hoping to get to the end.

[Kaos]

Scream

On the topic of reuniting characters, Scream got booted up again. 

It wasn't bad, but it wasn't good either.  Courtney Cox is shockingly butchered. She looks like a laboratory experiment that was a failure.  Neve still looked like Neve, but even she had some age on her. 

This is not nearly as good as the version that came out with Hayden Pantytearer and Emma Roberts in it.   

If you've watched the movies, you already knew who the killer was almost from the start. The rest of the film was just the slow slog of getting to the reveal.

It tried to be clever, it tried to be deft but those efforts failed for the most part.  Cox was bad, Neve was kind of tired, nobody gives a shit about doofy dewey. 

There were some reasonably gruesome slaughters, but nothing that allows this film to overcome the layer of rust that covers it.  As a franchise it's old. The gimmick looks threadbare now.

[Kaos]

While We Sleep

Horror movie set in Ukraine.  Yet another demon possession story that rips off every other demon possession story that's come before.  Nothing new whatsoever.

It's not the biggest pile of shit I've ever seen, but it's a pretty big pile of shit.  I don't have any idea how garbage like this ever gets made. Zero redeeming qualities and a whole lot of cringe.

Pass.