Kaos' way behind movie reviews

[Godfather]

They're entitled to their opinions, just as anyone is, but their stature in the American entertainment industry doesn't lend them any insight or make their opinions any more credible.

Heston is still a shitty actor, though.

You damn dirty ape!

[CCTAU]

Hmmm. Ran across this wes quote from 2011. 

Belongs in the SGA but, hmmmm. 

So how does wes feel about Clooney, Meyers, and the rest of the whole bleating pack?

At that time, Heston was mostly retired from acting. 

And many would disagree with his assessment of Heaton's acting.

[Kaos]

They're entitled to their opinions, just as anyone is, but their stature in the American entertainment industry doesn't lend them any insight or make their opinions any more credible.

Heston is still a shitty actor, though.

Why haven’t you joined me in condemning their shitty opinions, shitty activism and shitty performances then? Did it only offend you because he promoted a conservative view?  

Are you not equally offended by the violent activism promoted by deniro, Madonna, griffin, baldwin, Carrey, etc?  Are you not offended by the arrogant disrespect for the man and the office displayed by Noah, Colbert, that ugly freckled bitch, Kimmel, etc.? 

Where is your outrage? 

You may have the final word in this thread on the topic.Will return to movie reviews after you reply.   Ok 

[GH2001]

Why haven’t you joined me in condemning their shitty opinions, shitty activism and shitty performances then? Did it only offend you because he promoted a conservative view? 

Are you not equally offended by the violent activism promoted by deniro, Madonna, griffin, baldwin, Carrey, etc?  Are you not offended by the arrogant disrespect for the man and the office displayed by Noah, Colbert, that ugly freckled bitch, Kimmel, etc.?

Where is your outrage?

You may have the final word in this thread on the topic.Will return to movie reviews after you reply.  Ok

Because those guys are considered information sources by the skinny jean wearing millenials. It's news for them. 

[wesfau2]

Why haven’t you joined me in condemning their shitty opinions, shitty activism and shitty performances then? blahblahblah

Are you not equally offended by blahblahblah

Where is your outrage?
blahestblah

Because an off-the-cuff verbal loogie in Chuck's general direction doesn't define my political worldview in total.

[Kaos]

Back to regularly scheduled programming. 

The Hollow Child

Creature in the woods takes possession of little kids.  The town is somewhat complicit. When it takes Olivia, her stepsister (the somewhat interesting Jessica McLeod) decides to fight back.  

Canadian horror movie. I've seen worse, but this -- like so many horror efforts -- always seemed to step back from the edge when it could have really turned up the horrible.  

Some bad acting (typical) some half-baked story threads (also typical), a dash of silly (just look at it! which is again, typical), some slow-played exposition (sadly, also typical) plagued this film.  

It borrowed from IT (monster comes back once a generation to snatch kids) and lifted bits and pieces from half a dozen other horror films. Nothing new in the toolbox. 

It also suffered from a weak lead, but that's part of the issue with any film that relies on a child. Hard to find a good child actor who can pull off the menace.  This kid wasn't awful, but she wasn't very good either.  Too fake. 

The biggest problem, though?  When the big bad emerged at the end I was reduced to laughter.  "I am Grooooot" came immediately to mind.  

[Kaos]

The First Purge

Went to see The First Purge.  Instead Black Panther broke out. 

I think I'll purge my dinner. 

The hero of this movie is a neighborhood drug dealer.  (If you watched The Wire, he's akin to Avon Barksdale or Marlo Stanfield). 

The bad guys in this movie are the white folks. 

A terrible entry in the Purge pantheon. 

So forget the movie.  I have questions in regard to the whole Purge concept. 

Primarily, why all the killing?  If all crime is forgiven, I'm going to be a stealing son of a gun.  I'd spend all year building tools to bust into bank vaults, jewelry safes and museum security. I'd make sure I had the best body armor so that it would be hard to take me down without a bazooka.  I'm getting a squad together and I'm stealing Bugattis, McLarens, Maseratis.  I'm stealing priceless art. Forget a bunch of worthless killing. 

And if you DO steal a bunch of stuff, do the rules of Purge say you get to keep it? 

If you can't keep it and all you can do is kill, then I have a list.  I guess I'd start with that. 

[Kaos]

The Devil's Doorway

What's worse than a "found footage" film.  A found footage film from the 1960s. 

What's worse than another movie about a possessed pregnant girl?  A film about a possessed pregnant girl set in a 1960s Irish Catholic home for society's female dregs that's run by a bunch of nuns.

What's worse than another movie about a priest struggling with his belief in the face of mounting evidence of demonic possession?  A film about two priests struggling with their beliefs in the face of mounting evidence of demonic possession.  Half the movie consisted of them calling each other's names in their Irish brogue. "Jawn"  "Tawmas"

What's worse than another derivative movie that does little more than rehash a handful of cliched movie tropes?  A derivative movie that rehashes a handful of cliched movie tropes and then fails to provide any semblance of meaningful closure. 

Keep this doorway closed.  Board it up. Nail it shut. Concrete over it. 

To be fair, I'm giving Justice League another look on HBO while I finish my homemade brunch of belgian waffles, corned beef hash and fried eggs.  It's a vomit of horrible acting, incredibly bad CGI and hokey dialogue.  It is a bucket full of chum.  I'd rather watch a dozen bad horror films than watch my beloved DC universe tortured in this way.  The only redeeming feature AT ALL is Wonder Woman -- and that's just because she triggers me in a non-SJW way.  

[Snaggletiger]

Equalizer 2

This is why I love me some Denzel.  He killed it...and a lot of bad guys too.  More ass kicking action than the first but it still kind of jumps around during the first one-third or 247/735th of it.  Instead of working at the Home Depot, he's an Uber driver in this one.  They spend the first part of it with him continuing to help random people in need and they don't get to the real story for a bit.  Some of the parts would normally seem a little slow but his acting more than makes up for it. 

Kind of predictable as far as the plot and who-dunnit, but I'm such a fan of the indestructible, one-man army flicks, I don't really care.  Overall a pretty decent watch.

[Kaos]

A Dark Song 

A dumb movie.  

BOOOOOOO.  

[Kaos]

Death Wish

In 1974 Charles Bronson cut the crime rate in New York by more than half when he became judge, jury and executioner over the city's criminal class. The pacifist liberal turned into a vigilante when his wife and child were attacked. He began conflicted, but gradually gained a taste for the vengeance game. In the end he was exiled by a quasi-grateful NYPD to Chicago with the promise that he'd give up his crusade to clean up the streets.  It was a near perfect Bronson movie and fit in well in an era that had given us two Dirty Harry movies (Eastwood), Mr. Majestyk (Bronson),  Black Caesar (Fred Williamson), Shaft (Roundtree) and a host of other good guys with a gun films -- including the series of spaghetti westerns that built Eastwood's rep.  

In 2018 Bruce Willis squint-walked through a soulless remake of the Bronson's Wish under the direction of the highly overrated Eli Roth. Start with the fact that in Roth's version Willis was a "highly skilled" surgeon and stumble steadily down from that asinine premise.  The movie wasted the talents of Elisabeth Shue (still hot at 55 bless her babysitting soul) and Vincent D'Onofrio (a slimy walrus-looking piece of shit) in roles that could have been played by department store mannequins. The movie also included Dean Norris (Bad's clueless Hank) in a role that made him look like a stand-in who stumbled in off the street.  Awful performance from a guy who may not be capable of much more than this. I think Bad was his zenith, he's sucked in everything else I've seen him in -- and he was the weakest link of Bad to be honest. 

Not a single line of this movie was delivered with any sense of truth or conviction. Willis squints and mumble-whispers through the role looking every inch the guy who just wants to get paid and doesn't care at all if the work is worth it. Didn't even look like he had any fun doing it. As genre fulfilling and badass cool as the 1974 Wish was, this crusty turd was equally dry and lifeless.  It lifted scenes and set pieces from the Bronson film and then delivered them with all the credibility of Flex Seal Phil Swift, The Alabama Hammer, Tommy Tuberville for Golden Flake and Eli Manning sitting down for a cold first time table read of the script.  

Oh, remember how Bronson was exiled to Chicago by a NYPD that appreciated his work and didn't want to have to take him down?  Well, this movie takes place in Chicago!  How cool is that?  Exactly.  

[Kaos]

Ant Man and The Wasp

This is the cinematic equivalent of a Krispy Kreme donut.  It’s good at the time, isn’t a meal on its own and is pretty quickly forgotten. 

Paul Rudd doesn’t have the presence of Downey or Thor.  The romantic chemistry between Rudd and the Wasp has less spark than the dead flatness of Thor and Portman.  

But it’s still a fun time waster and hits just enough comedic and dramatic notes to fit well enough into the Marvel pantheon.  It’s not something I’m going to rush out to buy but I’d watch it again probably 

[Kaos]

The Exorcist

This movie came out 45 years ago.  It remains one of the few films with the ability to make me cringe.  Perhaps it's because I was eight or nine years old the first time I watched it and was shell shocked. Perhaps it's because it's just well executed.  Either way, even 45 years later and after all the hundreds/thousands of imitators, the movie still holds up.  

Yes, some of the acting is cringingly bad, particularly that of the mother and the young priest.  But the special effects -- considering the time and the limited availability of CGI -- are masterful.  Linda Blair couldn't act a lick as the daughter, but as a demon she was fantastic.  I can't imagine a scenario where that film doesn't scar her, though.  That performance would have to screw up her mind. 

The only thing that doesn't work now that did work in the 70s is the head rotation.  They tried to make it real, but that's clearly a doll head.  Good try and lauded in its time, but weak now.  

Still, a fantastic film.  

[Snaggletiger]

THE BED...IS ON...MY FOOT!!!

[chityeah]

The Exorcist

This movie came out 45 years ago.  It remains one of the few films with the ability to make me cringe.  Perhaps it's because I was eight or nine years old the first time I watched it and was shell shocked. Perhaps it's because it's just well executed.  Either way, even 45 years later and after all the hundreds/thousands of imitators, the movie still holds up. 

Yes, some of the acting is cringingly bad, particularly that of the mother and the young priest.  But the special effects -- considering the time and the limited availability of CGI -- are masterful.  Linda Blair couldn't act a lick as the daughter, but as a demon she was fantastic.  I can't imagine a scenario where that film doesn't scar her, though.  That performance would have to screw up her mind.

The only thing that doesn't work now that did work in the 70s is the head rotation.  They tried to make it real, but that's clearly a doll head.  Good try and lauded in its time, but weak now. 

Still, a fantastic film. 

I still haven't seen this. I'm 56 and skeered.

[AUJarhead]

I still haven't seen this. I'm 56 and skeered.

Everytime I see it, I'm at confession in about a day.

I read a book by one of the Catholic Church's chief exorcists.  It wasn't quite what I was hoping, but he did talk about how one exorcism he did, the young girl vomited glass.

[Snaggletiger]

Everytime I see it, I'm at confession in about a day.

I read a book by one of the Catholic Church's chief exorcists.  It wasn't quite what I was hoping, but he did talk about how one exorcism he did, the young girl vomited glass.

You need to get into some lighter reading.  Maybe a Nicholas Sparks romance novel or two.

[Kaos]

Semi Pro

When you're looking for evidence that Will Ferrell should never make movies (Elf being the lone exception) this enormous dog turd of a flim should be Exhibit One.  Blades of Glory should be Exhibit Two.  Case closed. 

There are a hundred other actors who could take the story of a basketball franchise that's headed toward oblivion and resorts to stunts in an effort to save itself and make that story funny.  In Ferrell's braying, clumsy, vulgar, humorless hands that became impossible. 

We all saw Major League.  It had its crude moments, but it was a funny, endearing and involving story.  This film -- which was essentially the same thing but in gym shorts -- spread its dirty butt cheeks and scatted all over the premise. 

Scads of alleged talent was wasted in this film including Woody Harrelson, Andre from Outkast, Maura Tierney (who I usually like), Rob Corddry, Will Arnett, Matt Walsh, Andy Richter, Todd Packer, Andrew Bernard, Jason Sudekis, Jackie Earl Haley, and Andrew Daly among others. 

It was maggot infested garbage.  I'd rather have barbed wire drug across my nuts than watch this again. 

Ferrell is a chump. Give me an iPhone, $40 and a half bottle of vodka and I could make a better movie in about two days.

[Godfather]

The Exorcist

This movie came out 45 years ago.  It remains one of the few films with the ability to make me cringe.  Perhaps it's because I was eight or nine years old the first time I watched it and was shell shocked. Perhaps it's because it's just well executed.  Either way, even 45 years later and after all the hundreds/thousands of imitators, the movie still holds up. 

Yes, some of the acting is cringingly bad, particularly that of the mother and the young priest.  But the special effects -- considering the time and the limited availability of CGI -- are masterful.  Linda Blair couldn't act a lick as the daughter, but as a demon she was fantastic.  I can't imagine a scenario where that film doesn't scar her, though.  That performance would have to screw up her mind.

The only thing that doesn't work now that did work in the 70s is the head rotation.  They tried to make it real, but that's clearly a doll head.  Good try and lauded in its time, but weak now. 

Still, a fantastic film. 

THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!

Oh does it!  Does it compel me? 

THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!

Really...Really Jay, cause I don't really find it all that compelling!

[wesfau2]

THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!

Oh does it!  Does it compel me? 

THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!

Really...Really Jay, cause I don't really find it all that compelling!

What does Michael Cera's butthole look like?   Is it as cute as I imagine?