Kaos' way behind movie reviews

[Kaos]

All those good hallmark Christmas movies and you guys waste your money on those!

I watched every single one of them.  Just spared you the reviews.

[wesfau2]

Masterminds - Zach Galifianakis, Kristen Wiig, Jason Sudeikis and Owen Wilson are tangled up in an armored car heist.

ZG plays his fallback character: effeminate southern man (Kate McKinnon steals her scenes as ZG's fiance).  Sudeikis is great as the psychopathic hitman.  Wilson's character is more ruthless and less mumbly-bumbly than he usually plays.

Predictable to the end, but worth it for the constant barrage of gags.  If you don't like this cast (looking at you, K), then you probably won't like this movie.

[Kaos]

Masterminds - Zach Galifianakis, Kristen Wiig, Jason Sudeikis and Owen Wilson are tangled up in an armored car heist.

ZG plays his fallback character: effeminate southern man (Kate McKinnon steals her scenes as ZG's fiance).  Sudeikis is great as the psychopathic hitman.  Wilson's character is more ruthless and less mumbly-bumbly than he usually plays.

Predictable to the end, but worth it for the constant barrage of gags.  If you don't like this cast (looking at you, K), then you probably won't like this movie.

I'll take your word for it. 

I tried to watch Sisters.   I like Amy Poehler (a lot).  I like Tina Fey (less now because of her strident and unwanted political opinions).  I know they're great friends in real life. 

How in the world can two people who are really friends and clearly have chemistry together have such a complete absence of chemistry on screen?   The movie was unwatchable.  It's one of the few movies that I've ever quit on.  I just turned it off.  I watched Human Centipede 3 to the inevitable shitty end, but I turned Sisters off before it was half over. 

[GH2001]

I'll take your word for it. 

I tried to watch Sisters.   I like Amy Poehler (a lot).  I like Tina Fey (less now because of her strident and unwanted political opinions).  I know they're great friends in real life. 

How in the world can two people who are really friends and clearly have chemistry together have such a complete absence of chemistry on screen?   The movie was unwatchable.  It's one of the few movies that I've ever quit on.  I just turned it off.  I watched Human Centipede 3 to the inevitable shitty end, but I turned Sisters off before it was half over.

I just wanna do tina fey. Nothing more.

Cct - watched the hallmark movies too! They have some hot chicks in them so don't hate on them. Some of the worst acting you'll ever see too. I was off two weeks on vac so I had a ton of time. Most that I watched were either on TV or Netflix so no real money lost.

[Kaos]

I just wanna do tina fey. Nothing more.

Cct - watched the hallmark movies too! They have some hot chicks in them so don't hate on them. Some of the worst acting you'll ever see too. I was off two weeks on vac so I had a ton of time. Most that I watched were either on TV or Netflix so no real money lost.

Yep.  Hallmark movies are cheesy and predictable, but nice holiday fluff. 

Plus, she's in a few of them:



She's kind of a second-level Olivia Munn.  I met her once and she's extremely sweet and unassuming.  Very personable.  I think she's great. 

[GH2001]

Yep.  Hallmark movies are cheesy and predictable, but nice holiday fluff. 

Plus, she's in a few of them:



She's kind of a second-level Olivia Munn.  I met her once and she's extremely sweet and unassuming.  Very personable.  I think she's great.

Name?

[Snaggletiger]

Name?

Number?

[GH2001]

Number?

First things first.

Or as jr would have asked, feet pics? Bush?

[Kaos]

First things first.

Or as jr would have asked, feet pics? Bush?

Katrina Law.  She played Spartacus' wife Mira before the Christmas movies. 

Won't post the pic, but here's a link to full frontal bushiness.

[*edit* Link Below - Obviously NSFW]
https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/6a/57/29/6a5729a56c79961a6b81dd866efe2f7d.jpg

[Kaos]

War Dogs

I don't like Jonah Hill.  Never have.  His weight in this film is, to be blunt, significantly alarming.  The yo-yoing from thinnish to gaining 60 pounds in a few months, to losing 40 back is going to eventually kill him.  But that's not the point here.  He was sweaty obese, though. 

This movie tells the story of a couple of hustlers who break into the lucrative government defense contract business and are willing to take a couple of risks on their way to landing hundreds of millions of dollars in bids. 

It's a condemnation of the stupidity of government for one.  A cautionary (if somewhat cliched) tale of the pitfalls of greed. 

It's a good movie.  It's the type of film that I like, along the lines of American Hustle, because it's got a basis in truth, it requires you to think just a little, it gives you a moral/ethical dilemma that is relatable and the performances were solid.  Not great, just solid. 

I like Miles Teller.  In time, I think he's going to be a very good actor. He's just a little bland here. Hill played Jonah Hill, but that's the role he's best suited for.  I can't say I hated his performance, because I think he did a really good job with what he had. The rest of the cast is really just a backdrop (although one of the backdrops is amazingly nice to look at).

There's a briefly sketched side story about the home life of Teller's character.  Other than the fact that it featured the spectacular Ana de Armas, it really wasn't necessary for the story at all.   

There are some things that are a little ridiculous.  Like, would Teller's character seriously go back to his broke down car and door-to-door massages just days after leaving a business relationship where he'd banked millions and was sporting a brand new paid-for Porsche? 

But those flaws are easily overlooked in the telling of the story. It's laid out well and moves quickly enough that it's extremely entertaining.  This was a better movie than I expected, although I sort of expected the movie I got. 

It's worth watching. 

[wesfau2]

War Dogs

I don't like Jonah Hill.  Never have.  His weight in this film is, to be blunt, significantly alarming.  The yo-yoing from thinnish to gaining 60 pounds in a few months, to losing 40 back is going to eventually kill him.  But that's not the point here.  He was sweaty obese, though. 

This movie tells the story of a couple of hustlers who break into the lucrative government defense contract business and are willing to take a couple of risks on their way to landing hundreds of millions of dollars in bids. 

It's a condemnation of the stupidity of government for one.  A cautionary (if somewhat cliched) tale of the pitfalls of greed. 

It's a good movie.  It's the type of film that I like, along the lines of American Hustle, because it's got a basis in truth, it requires you to think just a little, it gives you a moral/ethical dilemma that is relatable and the performances were solid.  Not great, just solid. 

I like Miles Teller.  In time, I think he's going to be a very good actor. He's just a little bland here. Hill played Jonah Hill, but that's the role he's best suited for.  I can't say I hated his performance, because I think he did a really good job with what he had. The rest of the cast is really just a backdrop (although one of the backdrops is amazingly nice to look at).

There's a briefly sketched side story about the home life of Teller's character.  Other than the fact that it featured the spectacular Ana de Armas, it really wasn't necessary for the story at all.   

There are some things that are a little ridiculous.  Like, would Teller's character seriously go back to his broke down car and door-to-door massages just days after leaving a business relationship where he'd banked millions and was sporting a brand new paid-for Porsche? 

But those flaws are easily overlooked in the telling of the story. It's laid out well and moves quickly enough that it's extremely entertaining.  This was a better movie than I expected, although I sort of expected the movie I got. 

It's worth watching.

Agree on all counts.

Was fun to watch because I used that same website (fedbizopps.gov) to drum up contracts when our residential construction started to falter back in '06-'07.

[wesfau2]

The Nice Guys

I go to the movies to be entertained.  And I was.  Very much so. 

Of course the trailer gives away too many of the good parts, but that's typical unfortunately. 

Ryan Gosling (who has never impressed me as much as some people) was really good here.  Russell Crowe, looking much more like John Goodman than a Gladiator, isn't great but better than in a lot of roles I've seen him.  I hate him by the way.  He gained 65 pounds for the role because "he wanted to look different than Gosling" and then lost it after the filming wrapped.  Who does that?  Does he not know how hard it is for normal people to do shit like that?   

Anyway...  The girl playing Gosling's daughter was really good too. 

Not going to give away the story, but essentially two bottom feeders team up in trying to find the same missing person.   And they do, sort of, but that embroils them in a much larger issue that puts both (and the daughter) in danger. 

There were odds and ends of the story that weren't fleshed out enough and some pieces were left hanging.  And the end felt like a bit of a letdown. 

But it was funny and intriguing.  Was easy to watch and enjoy.  I'd see it again and recommend it.

Agree on this one.  Enjoyable and underrated.

[Kaos]

Agree on this one.  Enjoyable and underrated.

The hell dude?  That's two in a row. 

You sick or something? 

[Kaos]

Bye Bye Man

Don't say it. Don't think it. Don't think it. Don't say it. Don't watch it.

It wasn't that bad.  Still in search of that elusive next great horror movie.  May search forever, because this wasn't quite it. 

Good idea, just some really slipshod execution, wooden acting and gaping plot holes. 

Plus neither the big bad nor his CGI dog inspired any fear.  His name was stupid.  Bye Bye Man.... really?   Was Goo Goo Buddy taken?

Dude, girlfriend and obligatory black friend rent a big rambling house.  Nobody has a job, of course, so how they afford this place that's 15 sizes too big for just the three is never explained, but that's a constant gripe of mine.  How do these people in these movies (not just this movie) afford the stuff they have? 

In the house they find an end table with some strange markings.  For fun they have a seance (note to self, don't have seances).  There's a name carved in the drawer of the table.  He says it. He thinks it.  It comes.

That's a little dumb in and of its own right.  Apparently this demon makes you see and think things that aren't necessarily real, so the only way to keep it from coming is kill everybody who knows its name, including yourself last.... uhhh... what?  So why did the guy who did that first (flashback scene) leave writings about the demon and also scratch the name in a drawer?  If he was going to murder everybody who knew the name and then whack himself?  Why leave the record? 

AND.... what was the demon's real reach?  It didn't kill anybody.  I think it's only purpose was to let its really terribly rendered CGI dog eat some dead people eyeballs (or something). 

I like the idea (Candyman) of not speaking the name.  I like the idea of not knowing what's real or not and making horrible choices (any of three dozen movies). 

This wasn't the worst movie I've ever seen, but as I find myself saying far too often..... It could have been so much better.

[Kaos]

The Autopsy of Jane Doe

Hit or miss horror entry.  Featured a fine cast including a barely used Roose Bolton, Emile Hirsch and the underrated Brian Cox.  Film also introduces Olwen Catherine Kelly as Jane Doe.  More on her later.

Nude girl  is found partially buried in a house where a couple of brutal murders are discovered. No ID, no obvious trauma, just dead in a hole.  Sheriff transports her to the small town morgue where Cox and Hirsch are a father/son team running the funeral home/crematory. 

Unraveling the mystery of what killed Jane Doe piece by autopsied piece leads to a morass of psychological terror that engulfs the pair.  The major "terror" points come in figuring out what's actually happening and what's only occurring in their minds.  The movie had a languid pace that was intended to slowly build tension and confusion until it reached the final act. 

The mumbo jumbo is strong.  There are some logical leaps that no sane person would make.  "It's her, she's making us do this.."  The final denouement is sort of idiotic -- as in what in the world did he think doing THAT would solve?

As was said to me when the movie was over... "I hate watching a movie that has some good ideas, and builds it up well but ends up not making any sense..."  When you sit there after it's over and list ten or fifteen things that lacked sense or purpose?  When you can't figure out the whys and wherefores? The movie clearly lost its way.  Like why were the other bodies supposedly up and moving around?  Did they move actually or are we supposed to assume that was all a mirage planted in the minds of the two.  How did the murders where the body was discovered tie in?  And how did those tattoos get there?

It did a good job of creating a puzzle as each discovery inside and outside the body was revealed.  Neither of us had any idea what direction it would take as the pieces of the puzzle were laid out.  Sort of disappointed in the way they figured it out (too convenient) -- and also disappointed in what/who Jane Doe supposedly turned out to be (sort of ridiculous, actually). 

The one thing that was (unfortunately?) intriguing?  Olwen C. Kelly.  She played the dead girl and her entire performance in the movie involved lying completely still.  With one last second minor exception, she never once moved.  Never blinked. Never twitched.  She just laid there on the table completely nude.  For the entire movie. In every scene she was in. 

Her stillness was such a part of the film that we actually looked it up after the fact. 
http://www.clattoverata.com/2016/12/19/playing-dead-olwen-catherine-kelly-talks-autopsy-of-jane-doe/

Six week shoot and she just lay there sometimes for eight hours or more a day.   There was something impressive about it. 

[Godfather]

This looks good, maybe it will meet your expectations.  Have heard good things about it.

[Snaggletiger]

I believe K might be familiar with the director of this particular film.

[Kaos]

This looks good, maybe it will meet your expectations.  Have heard good things about it.

Shot in Fairhope and Spanish Fort. 

I'm going to see it for that reason alone.  And yes. I met the director. Ha!

Also gonna go see Split this weekend.

[Snaggletiger]

Shot in Fairhope and Spanish Fort. 

I'm going to see it for that reason alone.  And yes. I met the director. Ha!

Also gonna go see Split this weekend.

Knowing who is behind the film, I watched the trailer waiting for that "Scary Movie" moment.  Nope. 

I'm not into horror movies for the most part.  They lost me years ago after the original Halloweens and movies from that era when it became all about how much blood and gore can you show?  Oooo...watch this guy's arm get ripped off and see how much blood shoots across the room and gives his teenage girlfriend the bloody money shot.

This looks more along the lines of the more suspense oriented horror flicks I'm into.  May have to check it out. 

[Godfather]

I'm not into horror movies for the most part.  They lost me years ago after the original Halloweens and movies from that era when it became all about how much blood and gore can you show?  Oooo...watch this guy's arm get ripped off and see how much blood shoots across the room and gives his teenage girlfriend the bloody money shot.

Why do you hate virgins?