Kaos' way behind movie reviews

[The Prowler]

Put me in the dislike group for Godzilla.

Pros:
Bringing back the old Godzilla

The background story of Godzilla

The 15-20 minute battle scene between Godzilla and the MUTOs

Godzilla charging up with the plasma

Godzilla shooting the plasma down the MUTO's throat

Cons:
The actors, minus Bryan Cranston (he didn't last long enough), didn't look like they wanted to be in the movie

The script for the actors were badly written, which might've been the reason why the actors seemed like they were just going through the motions

Length of the movie was about an hour and a half too long, I got board after the first 15 minutes, then I was interested when the fighting happened, but I was already disappointed in the movie

[Kaos]

Jersey Boys

Clint Eastwood behind the camera.  Great music. Highly successful Broadway play as the base.  How could you possibly go wrong?

1) The actor playing Frankie Valli had absolutely no charisma whatsoever. Maybe he was great on Broadway but it didn't translate to the screen.
2) The occasional "turn and talk to the camera" moments were offputting and distracting.
3) There were no real dramatic events to move the narrative (or if there were, they were handled poorly).
4) The actor playing Frankie Valli was annoying as @($# trying to mimic Frankie's vocals -- and he did it really poorly.  Would have been better to have them lip sync and use the real vocals.  Instead it came off like a really bad cover band.
5) The Partridge Family pretended to play instruments with more believability than the clowns in this movie.
6) The age progression was horrible.  Was supposed to cover a span of a number of years but the people didn't change (other than the random hairstyle).   When they did change -- the closing RIDICULOUS Hall of Fame ceremony that was some 30 years forward from the last random moment -- the makeup was abysmal. Some of the worst aging I've ever seen on film.  It was so bad it was silly.
7) There were no real redeeming qualities to any of the film's characters. The guido who works for Pesci was grating.  So too was the chowderhead who sang bass.
8) Eastwood's direction was sketchy at best.   There were some really bad CGI scenes when they were driving and it sort of bounced around telling the most boring story imaginable. Maybe in hands better suited to the material this could have been good, but it was slow and boring for the most part.  The story simply wasn't compelling and Eastwood's direction did nothing to help that.
9) Topics were opened and then never explored. Rabbit trails were everywhere.
10) Even the "did he really put that in there" cameo was a waste. 

I've seen musicals adapted for the screen that were moving and beautifully done (Phantom of the Opera comes to mind).  This wasn't one of those.   

Haven't seen any other reviews, but the lead was so horrifically bad I can't imagine they'll be good.

Couple of other things:
A) There were moments (many) where I desperately wished for a Transformer or Godzilla or Iron Man to burst through a wall and destroy the entire set.
B) The movie was terribly bad at explaining situations or giving you reasons to care about anyone.  Frankie has children, he sings once to one, his drunken wife kicks him out, his daughter becomes a plot device later when he's going to help her be a singer (no prior discussion of her being able to sing) and then she ODs.  Only a superfluous treatment as a way to move Frankie's music ahead.  Stupendously bad.
C) Film was executive produced by Valli which probably explains why his story was treated so favorably in the movie. It glossed over some pretty significant character flaws and ignored his history of domestic abuse. People dropped in and out of the narrative with little to no exposition other than to give Frankie an opportunity to make a stupid face, say something goofy in a clichéd Jersey accent and then vanish.  The lead in this movie was possibly the worse casting choice I've seen in a film in years.  Zero screen presence.
D) Christopher Walken.  The guy did more acting with a watering eyeball or a twitch of a finger than the rest of the cast combined provided through the entire film.  His performance was lazy and half-assed but it was still so much better than anything else the movie had to offer that it made the remaining cast look like overcooked spaghetti in comparison.
E) The insulting Jersey stereotypes were pretty bad as well.  It was like an episode of Jersey Shore where Pauly dressed up in a velvet suit. 

Usually I look back on a movie a few days after and my initial reaction mellows.  In this case, it's even worse in retrospect than it was while I was sitting through it.  Maybe the stage play is better.

[GH2001]

Jersey Boys

Clint Eastwood behind the camera.  Great music. Highly successful Broadway play as the base.  How could you possibly go wrong?

1) The actor playing Frankie Valli had absolutely no charisma whatsoever. Maybe he was great on Broadway but it didn't translate to the screen.
2) The occasional "turn and talk to the camera" moments were offputting and distracting.
3) There were no real dramatic events to move the narrative (or if there were, they were handled poorly).
4) The actor playing Frankie Valli was annoying as @($# trying to mimic Frankie's vocals -- and he did it really poorly.  Would have been better to have them lip sync and use the real vocals.  Instead it came off like a really bad cover band.
5) The Partridge Family pretended to play instruments with more believability than the clowns in this movie.
6) The age progression was horrible.  Was supposed to cover a span of a number of years but the people didn't change (other than the random hairstyle).   When they did change -- the closing RIDICULOUS Hall of Fame ceremony that was some 30 years forward from the last random moment -- the makeup was abysmal. Some of the worst aging I've ever seen on film.  It was so bad it was silly.
7) There were no real redeeming qualities to any of the film's characters. The guido who works for Pesci was grating.  So too was the chowderhead who sang bass.
8) Eastwood's direction was sketchy at best.   There were some really bad CGI scenes when they were driving and it sort of bounced around telling the most boring story imaginable. Maybe in hands better suited to the material this could have been good, but it was slow and boring for the most part.  The story simply wasn't compelling and Eastwood's direction did nothing to help that.
9) Topics were opened and then never explored. Rabbit trails were everywhere.
10) Even the "did he really put that in there" cameo was a waste. 

I've seen musicals adapted for the screen that were moving and beautifully done (Phantom of the Opera comes to mind).  This wasn't one of those.   

Haven't seen any other reviews, but the lead was so horrifically bad I can't imagine they'll be good.

Couple of other things:
A) There were moments (many) where I desperately wished for a Transformer or Godzilla or Iron Man to burst through a wall and destroy the entire set.
B) The movie was terribly bad at explaining situations or giving you reasons to care about anyone.  Frankie has children, he sings once to one, his drunken wife kicks him out, his daughter becomes a plot device later when he's going to help her be a singer (no prior discussion of her being able to sing) and then she ODs.  Only a superfluous treatment as a way to move Frankie's music ahead.  Stupendously bad.
C) Film was executive produced by Valli which probably explains why his story was treated so favorably in the movie. It glossed over some pretty significant character flaws and ignored his history of domestic abuse. People dropped in and out of the narrative with little to no exposition other than to give Frankie an opportunity to make a stupid face, say something goofy in a clichéd Jersey accent and then vanish.  The lead in this movie was possibly the worse casting choice I've seen in a film in years.  Zero screen presence.
D) Christopher Walken.  The guy did more acting with a watering eyeball or a twitch of a finger than the rest of the cast combined provided through the entire film.  His performance was lazy and half-assed but it was still so much better than anything else the movie had to offer that it made the remaining cast look like overcooked spaghetti in comparison.
E) The insulting Jersey stereotypes were pretty bad as well.  It was like an episode of Jersey Shore where Pauly dressed up in a velvet suit. 

Usually I look back on a movie a few days after and my initial reaction mellows.  In this case, it's even worse in retrospect than it was while I was sitting through it.  Maybe the stage play is better.

Not what I was wanting hear....

[chityeah]

Shut your whore mouth! David Cassidy rocks! I would bend Shirley Jones over the kitchen table now. ( sorry still emotional over Lutzy.)

[Saniflush]

Shut your whore mouth! David Cassidy rocks! I would bend Shirley Jones over the kitchen table now. ( sorry still emotional over Lutzy.)

[Townhallsavoy]

Flight

The trailers made it out to be something it wasn't.  The film was about a crash, yes, but not a plane crash. 

The plane crash was in a way allegorical, although it did happen.  It was symbolic of the personal and professional crash of the pilot played by Denzel. 

He was a hero, but he was not.  It was difficult to decide whether the daring act that allegedly saved lives was worth overlooking the personal flaws that he overcame to perform it.

He lay with women of various ethnicities including Dr. Watson's wife.  Sherlock will probably punish him for that. 

He convincingly played the same people I've known all my life from my uncles to my former business partner to my friends who all loudly proclaimed they were in control, it was their choice when in fact they were not and it hadn't been for a long time.  The wreckage he left behind is also familiar. 

Not all of those end up with the tidy resolution this one does, sadly most of those end in personal disaster. 

A pretty depressing film all in all. 

But as with most of Denzel's fare, worth watching for his efforts.

Watched this last night.  I don't like it when movies trick me.  This was a movie about a plane crash, right?  Nope. 

The first part of the movie was edited well.  Great pace.  Interesting scenes - how can you not like it when a movie opens with a nude -  full frontal and backside - shot of a really hot girl?  The suspense build up to the plane flight was done well.  And then the actual flight, holy shit!  I was gripping my ears throughout the whole ride.

And then the movie slowed to a snail's pace.  Not too long after the crash, I felt like the movie should be almost over.  We get it.  He's a fuck up and an alcoholic.  I hit pause to get a drink.  Still an hour and a half left.

The rest of the movie was choppy, muddled, and boring.  It reminded me of The Walking Dead.  Too many scenes of pointless conversations.  Too much "in-your-face" directing.  Did you notice he was sad?  No?  Here's a close up of a tear drop going down his eye. 

Also way too many forced philosophical quips about God and religion. 

[AUTiger1]

Tammy:

So the wife and I had no clue what to watch b/c everything looked like it sucked.  Decided to give Tammy a try. We've chuckled at Mike and Molly before, Susan what's her face isn't that bad of an actress, so why not?

First time either one of us have left in the middle of a movie.  I snickered once or twice at the disbelief that we paid money to see this abomination. 

[Kaos]

Lego Movie
Heard over and over how great this movie was, blah blah blah.  I just HAD to watch it. 

So I did.  Meh. 

Funny moment or two but nothing that would make me want to see it again or hope they make a sequel. It shot itself in the ass using Will Ferrell in the way that it did. Wrong character to pull off that role.

 I guess kids would like all the bright colors but beyond that?  Meh.

[Kaos]

Mission to Mars
Ran across this on one of the pay networks and watched most of it. 

Better than average cast.

Gary Sinese, Don Cheadle, Connie Nielsen, Tim Robbins, Kim Delaney, Jerry O'Connell.  Manned mission to Mars goes wrong so another manned mission is sent to "bring back survivors"  Forget that in a best-case scenario situation (at the closest pass in the fastest ship we have), a trip to Mars would take more than a month which pretty much rules out the possibility of survivors, this movie was ridiculous. 

The Martians created us all.  We're going 'home."  Wanted to be profound like 2001 was (supposedly).  Ended up being unintentionally funny like too many bad movies that take themselves very seriously. 

[Kaos]

Deliver Us From Evil

Eric Bana and Olivia Munn in an Exorcist/possession movie.

It breaks no new ground. We've seen exorcisms, we've seen demons cast out. We've seen it done with more actual or implied peril to the lead.

We saw very little of Olivia and no boobs whatsoever. She did attempt a sometimes there New York/New Jersey accent in the few lines she had but she didn't do well with it. Accent was bad.

The priest/preacher/rabbi had a thick accent. There were times he said something important to the story (possibly) but what it sounded like was "you must chuff jalapeno butter"   I had no idea what he said.

Most of the "scares" were the jump out variety.  Why does every one of these things include some damn cat leaping out from where it shouldn't be?  Cats suck.

The best part of the movie was Joel McHale. He played a wise-cracking sidekick who got in some relatively funny one-liners -- essentially himself. 

Makeup was also good and the CGI wasn't bad. 

Not really a horror movie, it moved too slowly for that but it was okay.  Better than Occulus. 

[Townhallsavoy]

Monsters

Quick summary - Space probe goes to somewhere in space. Comes back.  Small glowing pods begin to hatch aliens that grow into 100 yard tall octopi who have a bad attitude with humans who shoot rockets at them.  Two Americans need to get from Central America through the "infected zone (alien land of North Mexico) to the giant wall on the American border. 

A dozen years ago, I was soft for low budget, independent movies.  It was easy to forgive them because they were on their own.  They didn't have big actors or big studios or blockbuster hyper.  They didn't have mass appeal.  They were edgy.  They were "scene." 

But now, I just want a good movie.  I don't care if it's low budget or independent.  I don't care if it's niche or if it's hipster.  I just want good writing, acting, and some excitement.  Hot chicks are enjoyed but not always required. 

Monsters is boring.  It's hackneyed.  It lacks dialogue.  Somehow, the in-real-life married couple failed to have any chemistry on screen. 

I do give it credit for establishing some suspense with such a small budget.  The night vision, tv-camera scenes of the fighter jets taking out the aliens were a nice touch.  The two aliens in the end were beautiful.

But the message was unclear.  Also, what was up with the gas masks?  They introduced them as being vital for anyone near the area of the aliens but never explained why.  Also, the whole American border being walled and American military killing the aliens in Central America really gave this movie a weak allegorical feel for illegal immigration.


Europa Report

Great movie for sitting in a realistic spaceship.  Rather terrible in terms of spontaneity.  Very little character development.

The characters also didn't live up to the tidbits of personality we were given.  There was the father of the child who missed his family.  The asshole tough guy.  The hot chick.  The badass pilot.  The random Asian guy and the absolutely pointless other guy who I'm not sure I ever learned his name. 

The family guy was only there to make people sad.  The asshole tough guy never had a struggle with being tough; he just turned into the hero.  The hot chick never got naked, and for some reason, they picked her to be the scientist most obsessed with the discovery of new life.  The badass pilot failed to ever do anything badass.  The random Asian guy randomly died - though his death scene was cool.  The other as a microcosm of his entire role in the film simply fell into a hole, disappearing forever. 

The alien at the end was an octopus.  Maybe it was because I had watched Monsters the night before, but I'm not a big fan of alien life being some variation of an octopus. 

Pretty good flick for hard sci fi.  Fails to do anything memorable. 

[Townhallsavoy]

Mary and Max

Want to feel depressed?  Watch Mary and Max.  Basic gist: An 8 year old Australian girl whose life sucks major ass decides to write a random person in America.  Turns out to be a 44 year old man whose life also sucks major ass.  After some of the shittiest things possible happen to the girl as her life progresses, the movie ends with you feeling like you've been punched in the gut and pee'd on. 

Worth watching for the brilliant claymation and style.  Set in both a fictional apocalyptic-feeling sepia suburb and the grim and dismal black and white big city, the atmosphere created is perfect for helping you feel like shit.  There are some insightful moments especially when portraying the difficulties of someone with Asbergers, and even though you know it's wrong to laugh at a few of the situations, a few things that Max gets himself into are rather humorous. 

[Kaos]

Tammy
I keep reading about what a great comedic talent Melissa McBuffalo is. So when friends wanted to see this movie I grudgingly agreed.

What talent? She does the same things every single time. 

She runs. But she's fat and slow so she's easily caught.
She dances awkwardly.
She bellows classic songs and beats on the dashboard while she drives.
She makes uncomfortable advances on a man who would never in real life be interested in her and somehow he sees through the layers of blubber and sheaths of crass behavior to recognize she's really a beautiful and tender soul.
She brays.
She whines.
She "transforms" from a slovenly hippo into a "beautiful and sexy" vision by putting on a little makeup, combing her hair and wearing an enormous dress.

There was not one single new or original note in this disaster of a film where the few potentially good parts are telegraphed in the trailers. 

She's not funny. She's not brilliant. She's not the female John Belushi or John Candy. She's an obnoxious whale who gets a lot of latitude just because she's horrifyingly obese. She didn't deserve the Oscar nomination for Bridesmaids. She doesn't deserve the box office she generates. She's a one-trick sad wad of flab. I hope this is the last time we have to see her lazily slob through a movie. Any legit actor/comedian put out something this crappy -- unless his name is Adam Sandler who does the same no effort thing -- and he/she would see their career go down in flames. The ONLY reason she isn't savaged for her crapph films is because skinny guilt prevents people from telling the truth. She's a hack.

[Kaos]

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
I wasn't a huge fan of the second reboot with James Franco. I felt the casting, particularly the stoner Franco as a 'brilliant' scientist was terrible.  He and Frieda Pinto were so bad that they nearly derailed the entire movie.

Thank goodness both are dead and gone in the sequel. It's rare when a follow up is exponentially better than the first film but that's certainly the case here.  Rise is Gigli compared to Dawn's Argo.

The movie didn't miss a note. Good story. Good execution. Very well told, very well done.

If I'm going to nitpick about the only things I could come up with is that the time that elapsed between Caesar bellowing his first word to him doing Shakespearen soliloquies seems compressed. And why would the monkeys know and speak English? If there are monkeys in Mexico will they naturally speak Spanish?

Gary Oldman was little used which was good. He's become a caricature, almost like Chris Walken. But unlike Walken he distracts from the film whenever he's on screen. He jarred me out of the narrative every time he showed up.

The rest was tremendously done. Taking a page from Animal Farm, it was intriguing to watch the apes come to realize that in the end they aren't that much different than we are. And we aren't much different than they. It was a deft examination of human nature.

Was beautifully rendered too. The ravaged city of San Fran was starkly authentic.

Just a good movie. Not something you're going to watch time and time again. No quotes that will be repeated in threads here.

But watch it. And do so in the medium that does it service -- at the theater.

[AUTiger1]

Tammy
I keep reading about what a great comedic talent Melissa McBuffalo is. So when friends wanted to see this movie I grudgingly agreed.

What talent? She does the same things every single time. 

She runs. But she's fat and slow so she's easily caught.
She dances awkwardly.
She bellows classic songs and beats on the dashboard while she drives.
She makes uncomfortable advances on a man who would never in real life be interested in her and somehow he sees through the layers of blubber and sheaths of crass behavior to recognize she's really a beautiful and tender soul.
She brays.
She whines.
She "transforms" from a slovenly hippo into a "beautiful and sexy" vision by putting on a little makeup, combing her hair and wearing an enormous dress.

There was not one single new or original note in this disaster of a film where the few potentially good parts are telegraphed in the trailers. 

She's not funny. She's not brilliant. She's not the female John Belushi or John Candy. She's an obnoxious whale who gets a lot of latitude just because she's horrifyingly obese. She didn't deserve the Oscar nomination for Bridesmaids. She doesn't deserve the box office she generates. She's a one-trick sad wad of flab. I hope this is the last time we have to see her lazily slob through a movie. Any legit actor/comedian put out something this crappy -- unless his name is Adam Sandler who does the same no effort thing -- and he/she would see their career go down in flames. The ONLY reason she isn't savaged for her crapph films is because skinny guilt prevents people from telling the truth. She's a hack.

Should have read what I posted above and saved yourself from misery.  We walked out of the theater halfway through.  It sucked bad!

[Kaos]

Should have read what I posted above and saved yourself from misery.  We walked out of the theater halfway through.  It sucked bad!

I did.  Thought of that while I was watching it.  Tried to figure out at what point you'd had enough. 

[GH2001]

Caught two flicks this weekend...one at the Theater and one on Netflix:

America: Imagine the World Without Her- very good. very fact based including some I didn't even know myself. And I don't think D'Souza is trying to score big political points or anything. More that I think he is trying to restore the country and it's people in being proud of the good that America has done the world and be proud of the unique idea that it is, instead of focusing too much on a lot of the revisionist history that weve done nothing but bad in the world. And its a good history lesson for those who have tried to rewrite it the last 1/4 century.

Drinking Buddies - this had the chick from House, and the dude from Office Space....Wilde I think her name is. Independent movie. Had a good premise, the acting was very improv it seemed. Liked 2/3 of the movie and then it fell flat (to me). I like Indy movies more times than not. This one wasn't BAD...just kind of meh at the end. It just kind of ended. But she was nice to look at for 90 mins.

[AUTiger1]

I did.  Thought of that while I was watching it.  Tried to figure out at what point you'd had enough.

It was at the point that they blew up the RV and went to the lesbian party. When she started flirting with the guy again I was done.

[Kaos]

It was at the point that they blew up the RV and went to the lesbian party. When she started flirting with the guy again I was done.

There was a less than zero chance that that guy would have found anything about her appearance or demeanor attractive.  She looked like she smelled like piss and grease.  Young, reasonably attractive men who have money are ALWAYS chasing that.  Really terrible movie.  She's an awful human being.  Plays the same awful human being in everything she's been in.  But most people are afraid to say what they think because she's fat and they don't want to look like they're being cruel to her because she is morbidly obese. 

Rex Reed isn't amused either:

Her entire performance—if you can call it that—consists of being slapped, slugged, dumped in various lakes and rivers, and bounced off walls and pavements like a big rubber Shmoo doll. She isn’t smart, imaginative or creative enough to be a real female clown, like Lucille Ball. Nothing that resembles a fresh approach to slapstick farce ever engages the mind or the eye. Instead she recycles every fatso cliché from John Candy to Totie Fields, which only turns the viewer cynical.

[Kaos]

Monuments Men

Heavily hyped.  Perhaps the movie I've seen the most trailers for ever.  Seemed like every movie I saw for six months had a preview of this one in it. 

I'm not going to make it through it.  The actors are great.  The performances are good so far.  The sets are magnificent. Easy to believe this is WWII era Europe. The costumes are perfect.  The vehicles authentic.

But this thing is SO stupendously boring. 

It's a vanity project for Clooney, Damon, Murray and the rest. 

I don't know what I expected.  But I'm yawning -- and writing this -- instead of paying attention.

Is it supposed to be funny that Bill Murray is on camera and they're calling somebody Garfield?   Ha. Ha. He. 

snore...