Kaos' way behind movie reviews

GH2001 · « **Reply #1040 on:** February 16, 2012, 12:24:21 PM »

Back to topic though and on a more serious note - Kaos, GarMan or anyone else seen Gettysburg (1993)? Starring Martin Sheen, Tom Berenger and Jeff Daniels. Its nearly 5 hours long so I am watching it in 1.5 hour chunks, finishing the first chunk last night. So far, pretty pleased. I pondered watching the prequel, Gods and Generals first but decided to just go ahead and knock this one out. Thoughts? Im sure Kaos hates it.

GarMan · « **Reply #1041 on:** February 16, 2012, 02:10:58 PM »

Quote from: GH2001 on February 16, 2012, 12:24:21 PM

Back to topic though and on a more serious note - Kaos, GarMan or anyone else seen Gettysburg (1993)? Starring Martin Sheen, Tom Berenger and Jeff Daniels. Its nearly 5 hours long so I am watching it in 1.5 hour chunks, finishing the first chunk last night. So far, pretty pleased. I pondered watching the prequel, Gods and Generals first but decided to just go ahead and knock this one out. Thoughts? Im sure Kaos hates it.

I honestly don't recall. I'm not really a fan of Martin Moonbat, but Tom Berenger has done some interesting work over the years. I'll check into it.

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #1042 on:** February 21, 2012, 11:11:40 AM »

Sunday afternoon was movie day for the Snags clan. The wife wanted to see a uterus flick so she and a couple of friends went to The Vow. I didn't ask because I didn't want to know. Me and 11 year old mini-Snags decided on Journey 2 because of a lack of anything else suitable for someone his age. Drove over to Carmike 12 just in time to find out....we're at the wrong frickin' theaters. Ummm...yeah.....when you check movie times, you might want to actually look at where it's playing.....dumbass. Turned out to be a much bigger mistake than I thought. Not that I had much of an expectation for Journey 2 other than extra butter on my super jumbo tub-o-corn...but since it was too late to drive to the other theater, we decided to catch the 3D Star Wars. How bad could it be?

What...the....hell? I normally gloss over a lot of the reviews because first, I'm not a huge movie fan, and second, when I do go I just want to be entertained. I don't care about breaking down the acting or picking apart the story line. If it's a comedy and I laugh my ass off....money well spent. If it's an action flick and the special effects are good or the fight scenes are bad-ass...great. I'm easily pleased. This had to be the biggest piece of shit I have ever seen in my life. The acting....throughout...EVERY single actor/actress.....was mind numbingly bad. I've seen 5th grade plays where the kids showed more ability. Again, normally I don't get caught up in critiquing that sort of thing, but when it becomes so distracting that you literally want to get up and walk out...it's a problem. I kept asking myself how the directors/producers/whoever made the decision to unleash this pile of steaming shit on the public. Did these "Actors" get paid? Really?

djsimp · « **Reply #1043 on:** February 21, 2012, 11:23:06 AM »

So, what is this Star Wars you speak of. Heard of this movie I have not.

GH2001 · « **Reply #1044 on:** February 21, 2012, 11:25:24 AM »

Quote from: GarMan on February 16, 2012, 02:10:58 PM

I honestly don't recall. I'm not really a fan of Martin Moonbat, but Tom Berenger has done some interesting work over the years. I'll check into it.

Good solid movie. As objective as you could expect from a Hollywood film. I didn't really notice much bias. The main theme being, 2 great armies at war, doing as they were both told from higher ups - tons of bravery, with each side's soldiers respecting their opponent in the end.

Godfather · « **Reply #1045 on:** February 21, 2012, 11:29:07 AM »

Kaos · « **Reply #1046 on:** February 21, 2012, 12:10:07 PM »

Quote from: Snaggletiger on February 21, 2012, 11:11:40 AM

Sunday afternoon was movie day for the Snags clan. The wife wanted to see a uterus flick so she and a couple of friends went to The Vow. I didn't ask because I didn't want to know. Me and 11 year old mini-Snags decided on Journey 2 because of a lack of anything else suitable for someone his age. Drove over to Carmike 12 just in time to find out....we're at the wrong frickin' theaters. Ummm...yeah.....when you check movie times, you might want to actually look at where it's playing.....dumbass. Turned out to be a much bigger mistake than I thought. Not that I had much of an expectation for Journey 2 other than extra butter on my super jumbo tub-o-corn...but since it was too late to drive to the other theater, we decided to catch the 3D Star Wars. How bad could it be?

What...the....hell? I normally gloss over a lot of the reviews because first, I'm not a huge movie fan, and second, when I do go I just want to be entertained. I don't care about breaking down the acting or picking apart the story line. If it's a comedy and I laugh my ass off....money well spent. If it's an action flick and the special effects are good or the fight scenes are bad-ass...great. I'm easily pleased. This had to be the biggest piece of shit I have ever seen in my life. The acting....throughout...EVERY single actor/actress.....was mind numbingly bad. I've seen 5th grade plays where the kids showed more ability. Again, normally I don't get caught up in critiquing that sort of thing, but when it becomes so distracting that you literally want to get up and walk out...it's a problem. I kept asking myself how the directors/producers/whoever made the decision to unleash this pile of steaming shit on the public. Did these "Actors" get paid? Really?

Meesa no unnastan you, boo boo. What you say ees rasis!!

Oh, BTW? I agree with this.

Reason #19 (of 78) to hate this movie:

Darth Maul's Introduction
At one point Darth Sidious is speaking with the Viceroy. He then announces his apprentice, Darth Maul. Darth Maul then steps into range of the holographic transmitter to mug for the camera. I must say that as cool as every eight year old thinks Darth Maul is, I find him to be one of the greater flaws of the movie. Where Jar Jar fails in comic entertainment, Darth Maul succeeds. Look at him, he's just a funny looking dude! He looks like he could be a member of KISS. If KISS hadn't stopped wearing the makeup I bet Bruce Kulick would have worn makeup just like this. And by the way, Darth Maul? That's a pathetic name for a Sith. Why did they break the tradition of naming Darth's after words that begin with the letters in? inVader, inSidious. I would be happier if his name were something like Darth Truder, Darth Cendiary or more appropriately Darth Ane.

IMO the stupid face paint looked like something Sting would wear on TNA Wrestling. I laughed at it. And no, Bruce would not have worn that. No red makeup (except lipstick) in KISS.

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #1047 on:** February 21, 2012, 12:14:10 PM »

Quote from: Kaos on February 21, 2012, 12:10:07 PM

Meesa no unnastan you, boo boo. What you say ees rasis!!

Best "Actor" in the entire movie.

Godfather · « **Reply #1048 on:** February 21, 2012, 12:32:28 PM »

Kaos · « **Reply #1049 on:** February 27, 2012, 02:50:07 PM »

Final Destination 5

The fourth installment in this series was so monstrously bad that I was hesitant to even watch the new supposed final episode. I was prepared to throw food at the screen, boo loudly and turn the movie off if after five minutes it exhibited any of the epic awfulness of its predecessor.

I was surprised. Usually when a movie series jumps the shark so badly it can't recover. FD5 pulled the entire collection out of the sewer. It was much more in line with FD1, 2 or 3 (each of which was solid for what it was) than it was with the craptacular FD4.

Like the first three, it featured a fresh face for horror. In this case it was the chick who played Amy from The Walking Dead.

FWIW, FD1 had delectable Ali Larter, FD2 brought us yummy AJ Cook and FD 3 had Mary Elizabeth Winnstead. Amy (or Molly as she was known in the film) isn't in the same league as those three but she was solid enough.

Also appearing for good measure was Todd Packer from The Office. Odd and funny.

The movie is just what you'd expect. People die in strange ways as death makes up for being cheated.

The movie delivers a truly clever final five minutes and a full-circle moment that I didn't expect.

Best movie ever? Nah. Best horror movie ever? Not close. But so much better than its predecessor I'm loathe to slam it.

Kaos · « **Reply #1050 on:** February 27, 2012, 02:52:12 PM »

The Rum Diary

I like Johnny Depp. Never denied it.

This, though? Pfffffffffttttttttttt.

I wish I'd had the 161 miniatures and the gallon of 450 proof just to make it through this snooze fest.

The previews made it look like such a fun movie. It was, instead, as dreary as you can make Panama. Depp was terrible. It was like he was playing a combination of Ed Wood and the lizard from Rango.

Terrible movie. Hated it.

Kaos · « **Reply #1051 on:** February 27, 2012, 02:59:17 PM »

Choose

I like cheesy horror movies. This one started with such promise and then fizzled as it went on.

Sadistic jackass forces people to choose their manner of death (or the manner of the death of others). He makes a pianist choose between having his fingers or having his hearing.

Stuck with it because the lead showed a lot of promise. That and she had an amazing head of hair that deserved a credit of its own.

The storyline fell apart toward the end and the killer didn't follow his initial sadism with anything that approached that level of dementia. As a result the B movie faltered to C level.

I think we'll hear more from Katheryn Winnick in the future, though. She has the potential to make it.

Godfather · « **Reply #1052 on:** February 27, 2012, 03:00:26 PM »

Quote from: Kaos on February 27, 2012, 02:50:07 PM

Final Destination 5

The fourth installment in this series was so monstrously bad that I was hesitant to even watch the new supposed final episode. I was prepared to throw food at the screen, boo loudly and turn the movie off if after five minutes it exhibited any of the epic awfulness of its predecessor.

I was surprised. Usually when a movie series jumps the shark so badly it can't recover. FD5 pulled the entire collection out of the sewer. It was much more in line with FD1, 2 or 3 (each of which was solid for what it was) than it was with the craptacular FD4.

Like the first three, it featured a fresh face for horror. In this case it was the chick who played Amy from The Walking Dead.

FWIW, FD1 had delectable Ali Larter, FD2 brought us yummy AJ Cook and FD 3 had Mary Elizabeth Winnstead. Amy (or Molly as she was known in the film) isn't in the same league as those three but she was solid enough.

Also appearing for good measure was Todd Packer from The Office. Odd and funny.

The movie is just what you'd expect. People die in strange ways as death makes up for being cheated.

The movie delivers a truly clever final five minutes and a full-circle moment that I didn't expect.

Best movie ever? Nah. Best horror movie ever? Not close. But so much better than its predecessor I'm loathe to slam it.

No innocent tomato's were harmed in the making of this review.

Kaos · « **Reply #1053 on:** February 27, 2012, 03:07:31 PM »

Animals

I like cheesy B-grade horror.

This was just bad. Hoped to get something out of Nicki Aycox but the lead guy was terrible and the production so ridiculously bad I ended up bailing on it midway through.

Why show the guy breaking rocks at his job in slow motion?

Just terrible.

I hardly ever turn a movie off, but this one didn't make it past the stupid fight/fuck scene on the hood of a car.

Godfather · « **Reply #1054 on:** February 27, 2012, 03:10:33 PM »

You see a lot of movies I have never even remotely heard of, and I love movies.

Kaos · « **Reply #1055 on:** February 27, 2012, 03:24:58 PM »

Quote from: Godfather on February 27, 2012, 03:10:33 PM

You see a lot of movies I have never even remotely heard of, and I love movies.

The wonders of Netflix.

Should I include a link to the IMDB page in future reviews?

Godfather · « **Reply #1056 on:** February 27, 2012, 03:26:43 PM »

Quote from: Kaos on February 27, 2012, 03:24:58 PM

The wonders of Netflix.

Should I include a link to the IMDB page in future reviews?

Nah we agree on a lot of things, taste in movies is not one of those. I do enjoy reading your reviews as always.

GH2001 · « **Reply #1057 on:** February 27, 2012, 03:29:10 PM »

Quote from: Kaos on February 27, 2012, 02:52:12 PM

The Rum Diary

I like Johnny Depp. Never denied it.

This, though? Pfffffffffttttttttttt.

I wish I'd had the 161 miniatures and the gallon of 450 proof just to make it through this snooze fest.

The previews made it look like such a fun movie. It was, instead, as dreary as you can make Panama. Depp was terrible. It was like he was playing a combination of Ed Wood and the lizard from Rango.

Terrible movie. Hated it.

That saddens me about Depp. Just a good actor but the last 4-5 years? Blllyuckkk! The first Pirates and Wonka were excellent to me. Has he jumped the shark? I hope not. I never thought Tom Hanks would either.

GH2001 · « **Reply #1058 on:** February 27, 2012, 03:31:42 PM »

Quote from: Kaos on February 27, 2012, 02:59:17 PM

Choose

I like cheesy horror movies. This one started with such promise and then fizzled as it went on.

Sadistic jackass forces people to choose their manner of death (or the manner of the death of others). He makes a pianist choose between having his fingers or having his hearing.

Stuck with it because the lead showed a lot of promise. That and she had an amazing head of hair that deserved a credit of its own.

The storyline fell apart toward the end and the killer didn't follow his initial sadism with anything that approached that level of dementia. As a result the B movie faltered to C level.

I think we'll hear more from Katheryn Winnick in the future, though. She has the potential to make it.

Sounds like a poor man's Saw.

And yes, that is one cutie.

Kaos · « **Reply #1059 on:** March 03, 2012, 10:25:48 PM »

The Woman In Black
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1596365/

As far as basic rules to live by, there aren't really that many.

1) Never ask a woman when she's due. She might just be fat.
2) In a relationship, never ask a question unless you're already pretty sure what the answer is going to be (this applies to business and personal).
3) If you have to choose between work and family, never choose work.
4) Don't eat at a Chinese buffet after 1:30.
5) Don't expect much when a "horror" movie is rated PG-13.

The Woman In Black was ridiculous. Poor Harry Potter tried his damndest, but even he couldn't wizard this one out of the bog.

What was wrong with it? First it wasn't scary in the least. When a movie resorts to blaring the music in order to get the audience to jump it's already failed. Or when it randomly inserts a face screaming for no reason into a period of silence, that's fail number two. This movie did both. Repeatedly.

Nobody is going to care so I'm going to spoil the fuck out of this one.

They couldn't pull the carriage out of the marsh because no one had a car? Seriously? That weasel little car could pull better than a dozen men or more? And if you pull a child up from the bog after some number of years he's going to be rotted away to bones for jeeber's sake.

And what fool is going to walk around some haunted old mansion to see what the silly ass noises are? Or follow footprints without bothering to take up some kind of weapon beyond a candle.

And where did the damn dog go? And what was the crazy drama with fuckstick's wife?

Asinine plot, silly fucking ending and a boring ass movie.

I went to sleep twice in the theater as Harry Potter moped around the dusty old house.

I give this one five solid boos and half a meh.