Kaos' way behind movie reviews

JR4AU · « **Reply #720 on:** August 17, 2011, 08:46:36 AM »

Quote from: Kaos on August 17, 2011, 03:29:57 AM

The King's Speech

Bloody hell. Could that have moved any slower?

It was fair. I liked Barbosa's character pretty well. He should have gotten best actor over Firth. He was ten times better than Firth was.

It wasn't the cinematic masterpiece I was led to believe.

The Fighter, Toy Story 3 and The Social Network were better films. The Fighter in particular.

But this is exactly the stuffy sort of shit the academy award types tend to like.

Given the chance to watch this or Transformer's 3 again? I'm taking robots every single time.

My mom keeps telling me to watch this. I'm glad you saved me the pain. Your pan is exactly the way I envisioned it.

Kaos · « **Reply #721 on:** August 17, 2011, 09:04:25 AM »

Quote from: JR4AU on August 17, 2011, 08:46:36 AM

My mom keeps telling me to watch this. I'm glad you saved me the pain. Your pan is exactly the way I envisioned it.

My mom (who taught english lit at a junior college and fancies herself a member of the british royalty) loved it. My wife loved it too. Both have clamored for me to watch it for months. I've had the Netflix Blu-ray sitting here since June.

I didn't hate it. It didn't offend me. But seriously. We know the fucker stutters and tried to get help. Does that take two hours?

JR4AU · « **Reply #722 on:** August 17, 2011, 11:58:49 AM »

Quote from: Kaos on August 17, 2011, 09:04:25 AM

My mom (who taught english lit at a junior college and fancies herself a member of the british royalty) loved it. My wife loved it too. Both have clamored for me to watch it for months. I've had the Netflix Blu-ray sitting here since June.

I didn't hate it. It didn't offend me. But seriously. We know the fucker stutters and tried to get help. Does that take two hours?

I expect it wouldn't offend, but bore.

Kaos · « **Reply #723 on:** August 17, 2011, 01:16:27 PM »

Quote from: JR4AU on August 17, 2011, 11:58:49 AM

I expect it wouldn't offend, but bore.

It was funny when he was screaming profanities.

Fuck, fuck, fuckity, fuck, bugger, buggery, fuck, fuckity, fuck.

Godfather · « **Reply #724 on:** August 17, 2011, 08:35:28 PM »

Quote from: Kaos on August 17, 2011, 01:16:27 PM

It was funny when he was screaming profanities.

Fuck, fuck, fuckity, fuck, bugger, buggery, fuck, fuckity, fuck.

I expect to say the same thing this season. Prolly several times

JR4AU · « **Reply #725 on:** August 17, 2011, 09:34:37 PM »

Quote from: Kaos on August 17, 2011, 01:16:27 PM

It was funny when he was screaming profanities.

Fuck, fuck, fuckity, fuck, bugger, buggery, fuck, fuckity, fuck.

Well, shit, I may have to rent it now.

Kaos · « **Reply #726 on:** August 18, 2011, 04:25:05 PM »

You should. It's worth a watch. Just wait until you have nothing better to do. Or when you want to score wife points (she will like it).

BZ770 · « **Reply #727 on:** August 20, 2011, 11:13:23 PM »

Took the Fam to see "Smurfs". It wasn't as bad as I expected. Katy Perry plays Smurfette, I have to admit I had some perverse thoughts. Doogie Howser's plays a married man, married to the girl from Glee with the germ phobias.

Kaos · « **Reply #728 on:** August 21, 2011, 01:08:59 PM »

McGruber

Was on. Wasn't completely tired. Figured I'd give it a spin. Couldnt be as bad as I'd heard, surely. I remember the marketing blitz was unavoidable. No way they would have pumped that much effort into marketing something that was inferior to a wet turd.

I was right. It wasn't as bad as I'd heard.

It was ten times fucking worse.

Every time I think Ive seen the shittiest movie ever, remind me of this. It was absolutely horrible.

The high point of the comedy was Ryan phillipe sticking celery up his ass. Yes, you read that right.

Just an awful, dreadful movie.

I really don't (and never will) understand how people working on this shit can watch the dailies and think "damn, we nailed that. Some funny shit there...". Terrible. Just terrible.

Kaos · « **Reply #729 on:** August 22, 2011, 10:10:01 AM »

Arthur

Why remake a movie when you have nothing to add?

The excesses of Arthur played well in the sprawling early 80s when the country was flush with newfound enthusiasm, AIDS was something only gays and monkeys got and everybody drank and smoked. It caught the tail end of the old boozy Dean Martin era and meshed with the new drug-fueled excess of the Studio 54 crowd. In those days we were still willing to forgive the lifestyle of the rich and famous.

Today? Things have changed. Arthur would be forced to give a public apology, go into rehab and would be stalked by TMZ. Charlie Sheen tried to be Arthur in real life and look what that got him.

The sodden man-child just didn't play at all in this film. Besides, Dudley Moore was a much more charming Arthur than Russell Brand. Granted you didn't have Liza Minelli's outlandish schnozz and ugly mug clotting up the screen so it did have that for it.

But the idea of a hard-drinking rich boy flaunting his wealth just didn't resonate in these difficult economic times.

Brand gave some effort but wasn't really as charming or amusing as he needed to be.

The old woman failed to deliver the humor that John Gielgud brought to the caretaker role of Hobson in the original.

Greta Gerwig was shitloads better than the ugly ass Minelli of the original, but that's not saying a whole lot, really. A babboon's ass is better looking than Minelli.

Jennifer Garner continues her desperate career spiral. I used to think she was so incredibly hot and now I just want her to get the fuck off the screen as soon as possible. She was terrible, just abysmal here.

I was never convinced that Gerwig's Naomi would be remotely interested in the idiotic Arthur unless it was for the money. His character displayed no redeeming qualities whatsoever and to imagine that she would remain unattached and/or remotely interested while he floated through his lengthy voyage of self discovery is unfathomable.

In all, a rather drab and sad retelling of a story that no longer has any place in the world today.

Kaos · « **Reply #730 on:** August 24, 2011, 01:33:52 AM »

Blow

Johnny Depp. Blow.

So I was disappointed...

Very underrated movie. Good performances from Depp, Pee Wee, Franka and Bobcat. Didn't care for Penelope. Never have.

Told the at least somewhat true story of George Jung who became the original cocaine cowboy of the late 70s. Found his way into the Escobar circle and was literally swimming in money.

Like a real life Scarface, he lost it all. Corrupt government stole most of it.

Cautionary tale that there is always a time to get out but most people can't recognize it.

Godfather · « **Reply #731 on:** August 24, 2011, 09:41:36 AM »

Quote from: Kaos on August 24, 2011, 01:33:52 AM

Blow

Johnny Depp. Blow.

So I was disappointed...

Very underrated movie. Good performances from Depp, Pee Wee, Franka and Bobcat. Didn't care for Penelope. Never have.

Told the at least somewhat true story of George Jung who became the original cocaine cowboy of the late 70s. Found his way into the Escobar circle and was literally swimming in money.

Like a real life Scarface, he lost it all. Corrupt government stole most of it.

Cautionary tale that there is always a time to get out but most people can't recognize it.

This is an awesome movie with a great soundtrack, please tell me this isn't the first time you are seeing this?

Kaos · « **Reply #732 on:** August 24, 2011, 09:49:49 AM »

Quote from: Godfather on August 24, 2011, 09:41:36 AM

This is an awesome movie with a great soundtrack, please tell me this isn't the first time you are seeing this?

Ok. I won't tell you that.

Godfather · « **Reply #733 on:** August 24, 2011, 10:31:11 AM »

Quote from: Kaos on August 24, 2011, 09:49:49 AM

Ok. I won't tell you that.

Son, we need to help you with your que list. If you are watching shit like McGrubber and you haven't seen Blow...tha fuck.

Kaos · « **Reply #734 on:** August 24, 2011, 10:37:30 AM »

Quote from: Godfather on August 24, 2011, 10:31:11 AM

Son, we need to help you with your que list. If you are watching shit like McGrubber and you haven't seen Blow...tha fuck.

I watch what's on sometimes. I may have seen this one back in the day, but I don't think I ever saw it in toto before yesterday.

DnATL · « **Reply #735 on:** August 24, 2011, 11:55:46 AM »

Quote from: Kaos on August 24, 2011, 10:37:30 AM

I watch what's on sometimes. I may have seen this one back in the day, but I don't think I ever saw it in toto before yesterday.

sounds like Jumbo's forearm after Dorothy stumbled upon the x on the way to Oz

Kaos · « **Reply #736 on:** August 24, 2011, 03:59:46 PM »

The Omega Man
Cheesy 70's apocalyptic awesomeness.

Charlton Heston at the height of his sweaty barechested Apesian dudeitude. You get the full effect of his teeth-gritted steely glare, his cryptic snarls and his Shatner-esque over-emoting.

He makes it with a black chick who sports a mega-fro. That added to his suave coolness.

Awesome cars. Crazy 70s musical score.

Horrible makeup on the Family, though. And I don't understand why they kept carrying fire and burning shit when they were afraid of lights.

So much better than the Will Smith remake "I am Legend."

Bonus: The head of the family is the guy who ran the amusement park rides in KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park.

wesfau2 · « **Reply #737 on:** August 24, 2011, 11:16:48 PM »

Quote from: Kaos on August 24, 2011, 03:59:46 PM

The Omega Man
Cheesy 70's apocalyptic awesomeness.

Charlton Heston at the height of his sweaty barechested Apesian dudeitude. You get the full effect of his teeth-gritted steely glare, his cryptic snarls and his Shatner-esque over-emoting.

He makes it with a black chick who sports a mega-fro. That added to his suave coolness.

Awesome cars. Crazy 70s musical score.

Horrible makeup on the Family, though. And I don't understand why they kept carrying fire and burning shit when they were afraid of lights.

So much better than the Will Smith remake "I am Legend."

Bonus: The head of the family is the guy who ran the amusement park rides in KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park.

Fuck Heston. Fuck him for his shitty acting and his political activism. I want my actors to act and leave their fucking politics at home.

Vandy Vol · « **Reply #738 on:** August 24, 2011, 11:22:00 PM »

Quote from: wesfau2 on August 24, 2011, 11:16:48 PM

Fuck Heston.

I'm sure you would, princess...

Kaos · « **Reply #739 on:** August 25, 2011, 08:05:31 AM »

Quote from: wesfau2 on August 24, 2011, 11:16:48 PM

Fuck Heston. Fuck him for his shitty acting and his political activism. I want my actors to act and leave their fucking politics at home.

I only want that when I disagree with them, you damn dirty ape.