Kaos' way behind movie reviews

[Godfather]

I actually wasn't commenting about your movie...never seen it. I was just commenting on the fact you reviewed a movie in Kaos's thread.

[Kaos]

I make allowances.  I've mellowed.

But if he ever reviews a movie in my presence? I will fuck up his face. The internets are serious.

[GH2001]

But if he ever reviews a movie in my presence? I will phuk up his face. The internets are serious.

You sound like xaff now.....


and oh yeah - sue me....  

Have others not put reviews in this thread before?

[Godfather]

You sound like xaff now.....


and oh yeah - sue me....  

Have others not put reviews in this thread before?

I keed...your cool. Review away.

[Kaos]

I keed...your cool. Review away.

I wasn't kidding.  He tells me about a movie to my face?   I got something for him.  He won't tell me about my movie to my face. 

[GH2001]

I wasn't kidding.  He tells me about a movie to my face?   I got something for him.  He won't tell me about my movie to my face. 

I tell ya what - I will review 10 movies that YOU LOVE - and I will tell you they all suck while pissing on an autographed picture of KISS and Tony Soprano and you will be smiling about it sipping the last of your Cosmo drink.

That better?

[Kaos]

I tell ya what - I will review 10 movies that YOU LOVE - and I will tell you they all suck while pissing on an autographed picture of KISS and Tony Soprano and you will be smiling about it sipping the last of your Cosmo drink.

That better?

Who wears the chaps?

[GH2001]

Who wears the chaps?

Depends - Ralph Lauren Chaps  or  Texas Longhorn Cheerleader Chaps  ?

At least you are consistent. You haven't changed much eh?   I'm still reading through these reviews that date back to last year. I think you've saved me about 75 bucks worth of tickets so far......

[Godfather]

The Book of Eli

Denzel Washington gives another outstanding performance in this post-apocalyptic film.  While it trades on the Mad Max dirt and grunge just a bit, it doesn't stoop to the campiness of that Mel Gibson film.  Washington has calm menace down to an art and delivers the same "don't fuck with me" charm he displayed in Training Day, American Gangster and other films. 

The story is well-told, the actor's motivations are generally clear and the film manages to paint both a horrifying and hopeful portrait of the world after we blow it up.   It's rare in a Hollywood film to praise Christianity or to offer the opinion that there just might be hope and power in the words of The Bible.

This film does that, too. 

Gary Oldman provides a somewhat credibile anti-hero but his performance is the only one in the film that seems a little over the top.  He could have scaled it back just a bit and I think that the understatement would have probably made a stronger statement.  Jennifer Beals was okay in her role, but nothing to write home about.

When I saw Mila Kunis in the cast I was afraid the director/producers had shortchanged themselves by casting a lightweight in a role that required a stronger character, but Kunis surprised me.  She handled the dramatic role well. Her performance here might be enough to break her from that ditzy comedy stereotype she was in danger of being trapped in.  Don't know that she's ready to step into "action chick" boots, but she's definitely capable of more than dumb slut roles.

I'm hard to please when it comes to movies.  There is always something that could have been done better, could have been added or could have been cut out.   There are only about a dozen "perfect" movies (Godfather, Goodfellas, Cool Hand Luke etc.).  This isn't a perfect movie, but it's not significantly flawed either. 

The writing, the timing, the pace were all excellent.  The "reveals" were very well done.

It's not the kind of thing you'll go to see over and over again (like Godfather), but it's most definitely good enough to spend your money on.   I'll definitely get it when it comes out on DVD, especially now that I know what I'm looking for. 

I highly recommend this movie.




Followup:  Apparently most reviewers disagree with my perception of the film.  It scored poorly with RottenTomatoes.com (44%) and had some harsh reviews.  That makes me happy because I rarely agree with the dipshits there.  Ratatoullie, for instance, which I found insipid and asinine, is one of its highest rated films. 
 

Watched it last night...holy shit you and I agree on a movie.  After listening to all the critics and then your review I would have thought for sure it sucked.  I really liked it, especially the reveal at the end, makes all the little reveals during stand out.   Good flick! 

[Godfather]

Watched Up in the Air last night, pretty good flick, worth a look.  Not a typical ending which was good.

[GH2001]

Watched it last night...holy poop you and I agree on a movie.  After listening to all the critics and then your review I would have thought for sure it sucked.  I really liked it, especially the reveal at the end, makes all the little reveals during stand out.   Good flick! 

Im sorry - did you write a review? I couldnt get past the picture.....

[Kaos]

District 9

Based on a couple of good reviews here I expected more. 

I went to sleep on this movie twice.  Tried to watch it last night and dozed about 30 minutes in.  Wrote that off to being tired, so I tried it again when I woke up at 4:30.  Went back to sleep on it. 

Finally watched it when I got up for good at 7. 

Disappointing.  I don't have to know everything to enjoy a movie, but I need to know something.  Not enough exposition, not enough conclusion. Just left too many questions unanswered. 

Guy issues a shoot to kill on sight order and after much slaughter, then decides to gloat instead of shoot?  Out of character.

There was only one intelligent prawn?  Only one prawn child?   Just too many holes. 

It was a meh movie.  It didn't make the cut as an action flick and it fell short of the goal in science fiction. Glad I didn't waste any $$ at the theaters. 

[Jumbo]

District 9

Based on a couple of good reviews here I expected more. 

I went to sleep on this movie twice.  Tried to watch it last night and dozed about 30 minutes in.  Wrote that off to being tired, so I tried it again when I woke up at 4:30.  Went back to sleep on it. 

Finally watched it when I got up for good at 7. 

Disappointing.  I don't have to know everything to enjoy a movie, but I need to know something.  Not enough exposition, not enough conclusion. Just left too many questions unanswered. 

Guy issues a shoot to kill on sight order and after much slaughter, then decides to gloat instead of shoot?  Out of character.

There was only one intelligent prawn?  Only one prawn child?   Just too many holes. 

It was a meh movie.  It didn't make the cut as an action flick and it fell short of the goal in science fiction. Glad I didn't waste any $$ at the theaters. 

I thought this movie had the potential to be really good, but it failed.

[The Prowler]

I thought this movie had the potential to be really good, but it failed.

wait 'till you watch District 10....It's going to be the tits.

[Townhallsavoy]

Into the Wild

Anyone seen this or know the story? 

Some dude decided to take Emerson, Thoreau, and Tolstoy WAY too seriously and took off to live in the woods by himself.  He had a pretty kick ass journey to Alaska while living like a total hippy. 

It was very entertaining and intriguing considering it's a true story.  I skimmed through the book at Barnes and Noble, and the movie was right along with the original story.

I strongly suggest checking it out. 

The chicks were a bit meh:

Catherine Keener


Kristen Stewart (Chick from Twilight)

[Tiger Wench]

Into the Wild

Anyone seen this or know the story? 

Some dude decided to take Emerson, Thoreau, and Tolstoy WAY too seriously and took off to live in the woods by himself.  He had a pretty kick ass journey to Alaska while living like a total hippy. 

The stupid motherhumper STARVED TO DEATH.  Yeah, just wander off into the wilds of Alaska with no planning, no preparation, no knowledge of survival techniques and hang out for a while... pick a few wild shrooms, get sick as hell and die because you are stupid.  Genetic selection. 

Hippy dippy moron.

[Townhallsavoy]

The stupid motherhumper STARVED TO DEATH.  Yeah, just wander off into the wilds of Alaska with no planning, no preparation, no knowledge of survival techniques and hang out for a while... pick a few wild shrooms, get sick as hell and die because you are stupid.  Genetic selection. 

Hippy dippy moron.

^^Spoiler Alert^^

But yeah, kid was a total moron.  I want to show this movie to my students next year when we study American romanticism. 

[Kaos]

Don't know about this, but I showed my eighth graders the black and white 1939 version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame when we were studying the Middle Ages and the influence of the church. 

After they got through bitching and moaning about the movie being black and white and giggling over the acting quite a few of them got something out of it.  I saw tears in the eyes of several of the tough ass boys when Quasi got ditched at the end.  I think when you're an eighth grader you spend more time than you'd care to admit wondering if you're Quasi yourself.

When we did American history and got to Vietnam, I let them watch a couple of episodes of Tour of Duty.  It was cheesy and trite, but it did a good job exploring some of the shit those guys endured. 

I guess in a couple of years some dumbass will show Inglorious Basterds and have his class thinking Hitler was murdered by a Jew theater chick, a black dude and a couple of oafs. 

[Kaos]

GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra

My cobra did not rise.  It did not stir.  It remained dormant throughout this colossal dud of a movie.  

A wooden fence post could have done a better job than Dennis Quaid.  His performance was laughable.

Dude I can only think of as Simon Adabesi from the HBO series Oz was forced into a hideous British accent. He is usually decent, but was horrible in this awful film.  

Wayans? Fucking please.  He's about as convincing in his "I'm the goofy black guy" role as either of the insipid Zack and Cody twins would have been.

The so-called French guy looked like a Mexican with a bad hairdo.

Rachel Nichols was passable but such a shitty actress I didn't really care that she had boobs  -- not that she showed much.  

Channing Tatum is a pathetic excuse for an actor. He had about as much chemistry with Sienna Miller as a pair of cardboard wildebeest.  

There was so much wrong with this movie that there's no point in even attempting to go through it point by point. The action scenes were asinine, the carnage was absurd, the CGI was obvious and incredibly poorly done.  

It set up for a sequel, but I hope people have better sense than to a) make another one of these turd bombs and b) spend money to see it.  

God, what an awful movie.  It was so fucktacularly bad, that they should have played it as a spoof and made a joke out of it. 

[Godfather]

GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra

My cobra did not rise.  It did not stir.  It remained dormant throughout this colossal dud of a movie. 

A wooden fence post could have done a better job than Dennis Quaid.  His performance was laughable.

Dude I can only think of as Simon Adabesi from the HBO series Oz was forced into a hideous British accent. He is usually decent, but was horrible in this awful film. 

Wayans? Fucking please.  He's about as convincing in his "I'm the goofy black guy" role as either of the insipid Zack and Cody twins would have been.

The so-called French guy looked like a Mexican with a bad hairdo.

Rachel Nichols was passable but such a shitty actress I didn't really care that she had boobs  -- not that she showed much. 

Channing Tatum is a pathetic excuse for an actor. He had about as much chemistry with Sienna Miller as a pair of cardboard wildebeest. 

There was so much wrong with this movie that there's no point in even attempting to go through it point by point. The action scenes were asinine, the carnage was absurd, the CGI was obvious and incredibly poorly done. 

It set up for a sequel, but I hope people have better sense than to a) make another one of these turd bombs and b) spend money to see it. 

God, what an awful movie.  It was so fucktacularly bad, that they should have played it as a spoof and made a joke out of it. 

As a huge fan of GI Joe as a kid this movie is a travesty and all copies should be burned!  Don't even get me started!!!   It jumped the shark when Snake-Eyes had a mouth on his costume, and they decided to make the back story of Snake-eyes and Storm Shadow when they were 10 years old.    The only redeeming quality of this movie was at least the babes were hot.