Kaos' way behind movie reviews

[Godfather]

I have never even heard of that film.

[lifesapplepie]

Orphan

Why did I waste my time with this shit?  Not a single redeeming thing about it.  I've yet to figure out why no-figure, horse-faced, titless, shitty actress Vera Farmiga is a "star."   She looks like Marilyn Manson and Sarah Jessica Parker had a child and then abused it (see below).  And she's the best-looking thing in this movie.  Unless you count the whored up ten-year old, that is, and I don't.

SPOILER: Getting that poor ten year old to dress up like a whore and then showing glimpses of her "unwrapping" herself bordered on kiddie porn and whoever is responsible for this movie should be ashamed, if not arrested.

Not sure what I really expected from this film, but it just didn't work. 

Very disturbing movie!!

[AUsweetheart]

I thought Vera looked pretty good in The Departed.

Nice ass, anyway.

[Kaos]

I thought Vera looked pretty good in The Departed.

Nice ass, anyway.

I've seen better.  On a horse.

[Jumbo]

I thought Vera looked pretty good in The Departed.

Nice ass, anyway.

Damn that's hot!

[Kaos]

The Proposal

Okay so it's allegedly a chick flick.  Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.  As chick flicks go, this was relatively harmless.  It was trite, it was contrived, it was predictable.  The key to making a story work when everybody in the world knows what the outcome is going to be is to somehow make the characters endearing enough that the viewer wants to see the inevitable resolution. 

For the most part, this movie pulled that off.  Ryan Reynolds probably won't ever win an Academy Award.  But he was just goofily sappy enough to sort of make his role tolerable. Craig T. Nelson was wasted. So was Mary Steenburgen for the most part.  Sandra Bullock (below) was okay in the role.  Her body, what you could see of it, fit the part but her face looked really, realy haggard and pinched.  No way does this young guy seriously fall for that.  Would have been better if they'd cast Julia Roberts, Kate Beckinsale, Jennifer Aniston maybe Jennifer Garner or somebody else in there.  Her squinched face kept distracting me and she looked older than Steenburgen a couple of times. 

Oscar (from The Office) was not as funny as the director thought he was. 

And then there's Betty White.  That battle scarred old bitch is what kept the movie from veering into the intolerable realm.  She wasn't hilarious, but she was loony enough to add life to what might otherwise have been a lifeless film -- let's face it, both Reynolds and Bullock both have the screen presence of a cardboard box.

All in all, a relatively sweet movie. Not going to learn any of life's great truths, but your inner woman will enjoy it and you won't turn off the DVD needing a vomit bag. 

[Kaos]

American Gangster

Denzel Washington might be the best actor in film.  He was brilliant in Training Day.  Playing black mafia kingpin Frank Lucas in this film, he turns in another outstanding performance.

The movie was well done, perfectly captured the gritty New York 70s and featured solid performances from a large cast. 

The problem?  Stupid ass Russell Crowe.  Why the fuck does director Ridley Scott think this douche clown has the first ounce of acting ability?  He put Crowe in Gladiator. He stuck him in Body of Lies. He jammed him into a (bound to be shitty) Robin Hood remake.  His worthless actilng nearly ruined what was an otherwise outstanding film.  Even the guy who played the killer in Silence of the Lambs (and who also played Leland Stottlemeyer on Monk) was more credibile than Crowe. 

I love gangster movies.  Donnie Brasco (Johnny Depp's best work), Godfather, Casino, Goodfellas, Once Upon a Time, etc. are among my favorites.  This should be there.  And it almost could, but it just misses by a little bit. 

Crowe is a big part of that.  He sucks.  He absolutely fucking sucks as an actor. 

No woman to post, but lots of naked unnamed black chicks.

[Townhallsavoy]

The Proposal

No. 

Good lord.  That was one of the worst movies I've ever seen.  It was predictable.  The storyline was beyond ridiculous.  And then there was the scene of Betty White in full Native American garb along with Bullock dancing around while rapping "To the window, to the wall."  That was without a shadow of a doubt the least funny scene in movie history. 

And Bullock did look awful in the movie.  Her body was good, but I kept wishing Reynolds would get with his old chick who was actually pretty cute.

[Kaos]

No. 

Good lord.  That was one of the worst movies I've ever seen.  It was predictable.  The storyline was beyond ridiculous.  And then there was the scene of Betty White in full Native American garb along with Bullock dancing around while rapping "To the window, to the wall."  That was without a shadow of a doubt the least funny scene in movie history. 

And Bullock did look awful in the movie.  Her body was good, but I kept wishing Reynolds would get with his old chick who was actually pretty cute.

Yeah.  There was that.  I didn't like the face on the old GF either, though.  Her nose looked surgerized.

The movie was stupid, no doubt.  But in comparison to other "chick movies" I've been forced to view -- say, How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days or The Notebook -- this was fairly innocuous.  Didn't hurt anybody, the little white dog was cute, it didn't try to preach any kind of overarching message.  You knew what was going to happen but you didn't -- or at least I didn't -- spend half of the movie looking for a barf bag from the overly cloying sentiment.


The dancing eskimo scene seriously sucked and Bullock danced like she'd been stuck with a cattle prod, but I think that was designed to display her "awkward charm."  I was glad when that part was over.

It also had a few plot holes.  Like what happened to the obstruction charge against Reynolds?  Just walked away from that? 

[The Prowler]

Could have followed the same plot without the complete trashing of history near the end.  

For that reason  I just can't give it a positive review.  I'm glad I waited on the DVD.

Again, it's not the fuckin' History Channel, dumbass.  I suggest you rewatch it, over watching "The Notebook".  Watch it...realizing that it's just a fuckin' movie, that it's not trying to be Historically correct, watch it for what it is...Entertainment.

[Kaos]

Again, it's not the fuckin' History Channel, dumbass.  I suggest you rewatch it, over watching "The Notebook".  Watch it...realizing that it's just a fuckin' movie, that it's not trying to be Historically correct, watch it for what it is...Entertainment.

You're retarded.  Go back to watching Barney the Purple Dinosaur. 

[The Prowler]

You're retarded.  Go back to watching Barney the Purple Dinosaur. 

No....I'm entirely correct and you just can't stand that.  So, keep watching your girl movies....fag

[Kaos]

Book of Eli

Fuck a bunch of blue weirdos.  Go see this movie instead. 

Go see it.  Just go.

That is all I have to say.

[The Prowler]

Book of Eli

Fuck a bunch of blue weirdos.  Go see this movie instead. 

Go see it.  Just go.

That is all I have to say.

[Kaos]

stupid ass unrelated picture

Of all the idiotic responses you've ever posted, this one may be the dumbest of the lot.  

After some thought let me delve a little deeper into The Book of Eli

The Book of Eli

Denzel Washington gives another outstanding performance in this post-apocalyptic film.  While it trades on the Mad Max dirt and grunge just a bit, it doesn't stoop to the campiness of that Mel Gibson film.  Washington has calm menace down to an art and delivers the same "don't fuck with me" charm he displayed in Training Day, American Gangster and other films.  

The story is well-told, the actor's motivations are generally clear and the film manages to paint both a horrifying and hopeful portrait of the world after we blow it up.   It's rare in a Hollywood film to praise Christianity or to offer the opinion that there just might be hope and power in the words of The Bible.

This film does that, too.  

Gary Oldman provides a somewhat credibile anti-hero but his performance is the only one in the film that seems a little over the top.  He could have scaled it back just a bit and I think that the understatement would have probably made a stronger statement.  Jennifer Beals was okay in her role, but nothing to write home about.

When I saw Mila Kunis in the cast I was afraid the director/producers had shortchanged themselves by casting a lightweight in a role that required a stronger character, but Kunis surprised me.  She handled the dramatic role well. Her performance here might be enough to break her from that ditzy comedy stereotype she was in danger of being trapped in.  Don't know that she's ready to step into "action chick" boots, but she's definitely capable of more than dumb slut roles.

I'm hard to please when it comes to movies.  There is always something that could have been done better, could have been added or could have been cut out.   There are only about a dozen "perfect" movies (Godfather, Goodfellas, Cool Hand Luke etc.).  This isn't a perfect movie, but it's not significantly flawed either.  

The writing, the timing, the pace were all excellent.  The "reveals" were very well done.

It's not the kind of thing you'll go to see over and over again (like Godfather), but it's most definitely good enough to spend your money on.   I'll definitely get it when it comes out on DVD, especially now that I know what I'm looking for.  

I highly recommend this movie.




Followup:  Apparently most reviewers disagree with my perception of the film.  It scored poorly with RottenTomatoes.com (44%) and had some harsh reviews.  That makes me happy because I rarely agree with the dipshits there.  Ratatoullie, for instance, which I found insipid and asinine, is one of its highest rated films. 
 

[GH2001]

Saw this one on Starz a few weeks ago. K, you may have seen this one since you watch a ton of movies.

Across the Universe.  Wow - this was about the most 'different' movie I've seen this side of Deliverance and The Crying Game.

For one - its a musical. Second - it is set in the 60's during the anti-war movement. The acting is sub par but it makes up for it with the music scenes and how everything ties together. The kicker in this movie? The entire plot - every single scene - is set to a Beatles song performed by the cast in the scene spontaneously. It took a little getting used to, but after about 30 mins I was enjoying it and couldn't turn the channel.  The characters have a lot of Beatles' song names - Jude, Prudence, etc....

All in all - I'd say it was a good watch. Long at 2.5 hours.  I usually don't like musicals but this one was "ok".

[CCTAU]

Saw this one on Starz a few weeks ago. K, you may have seen this one since you watch a ton of movies.

Across the Universe.  Wow - this was about the most 'different' movie I've seen this side of Deliverance and The Crying Game.

For one - its a musical. Second - it is set in the 60's during the anti-war movement. The acting is sub par but it makes up for it with the music scenes and how everything ties together. The kicker in this movie? The entire plot - every single scene - is set to a Beatles song performed by the cast in the scene spontaneously. It took a little getting used to, but after about 30 mins I was enjoying it and couldn't turn the channel.  The characters have a lot of Beatles' song names - Jude, Prudence, etc....

All in all - I'd say it was a good watch. Long at 2.5 hours.  I usually don't like musicals but this one was ok.

I thought your kind referred to these as "show tunes"?

[GH2001]

I thought your kind referred to these as "show tunes"?

My "kind"? Straight and well hung?

[Godfather]

Saw this one on Starz a few weeks ago. K, you may have seen this one since you watch a ton of movies.

Across the Universe.  Wow - this was about the most 'different' movie I've seen this side of Deliverance and The Crying Game.

For one - its a musical. Second - it is set in the 60's during the anti-war movement. The acting is sub par but it makes up for it with the music scenes and how everything ties together. The kicker in this movie? The entire plot - every single scene - is set to a Beatles song performed by the cast in the scene spontaneously. It took a little getting used to, but after about 30 mins I was enjoying it and couldn't turn the channel.  The characters have a lot of Beatles' song names - Jude, Prudence, etc....

All in all - I'd say it was a good watch. Long at 2.5 hours.  I usually don't like musicals but this one was ok.

Oh no you di'int

[GH2001]

Oh no you di'int

Take out the Beatles and it was rubbish.....

Kind of like putting Tom Hanks in a shitty movie - it at least makes it watchable.