Kaos' way behind movie reviews

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #800 on:** October 04, 2011, 03:33:03 PM »

Quote from: Saniflush on October 04, 2011, 03:30:29 PM

As I recall her face was too round or some such nonsense.

I just googled her and now I need a cigarette

Kaos · « **Reply #801 on:** October 04, 2011, 04:20:34 PM »

Quote from: Snaggletiger on October 04, 2011, 02:35:22 PM

I was a huge Marvel fan growing up with DC close behind. Only a few movies have really captured the spirit of what the particular comic or character was. Spiderman was spot on. Followed the original story lines, kept the characters in tact and didn't try to go over the top to make it something it wasn't.

Dafoe? Perfect casting.

Toby? Peter Parker is not a peter puffer. He sucked, sucked, sucked, sucked, sucked, sucked, sucked.

And that punchy faced Dunst chick? B-leh. bluarf. Worst. Mary. Jane. Ever.

MJ is supposed to be curvy, sexy and red-headed.

She's not supposed to look like an anorexic pan-faced putz.

GH2001 · « **Reply #802 on:** October 04, 2011, 04:28:50 PM »

Has anyone did a review of Kaos' Reviews?

AU_Tiger_2000 · « **Reply #803 on:** October 04, 2011, 04:33:12 PM »

Quote from: GH2001 on October 04, 2011, 04:28:50 PM

Has anyone did a review of Kaos' Reviews?

Most movies suck.

A few don't.

"Simmons Family Jewels" should splice together season one for theatrical release. It would win an Oscar.

I just summarized 41 pages of posts.

GH2001 · « **Reply #804 on:** October 04, 2011, 04:34:51 PM »

Quote from: AU_Tiger_2000 on October 04, 2011, 04:33:12 PM

Most movies suck.

A few don't.

"Simmons Family Jewels" should splice together season one for theatrical release. It would win an Oscar.

I just summarized 41 pages of posts.

Kaos got wood on your third sentence. He thanks you.

Kaos · « **Reply #805 on:** October 04, 2011, 04:58:40 PM »

Quote from: AU_Tiger_2000 on October 04, 2011, 04:33:12 PM

Most movies suck.

A few don't.

"Simmons Family Jewels" should splice together season one for theatrical release. It would win an Oscar.

I just summarized 41 pages of posts.

Reality TV, including Family Jewels, as a rule sucks.

The only television series I can think of off the top of my head that would benefit from a movie treatment are:

The Sopranos
Dexter
Dead Like Me
Walking Dead
La Femme Nikita (the Peta Wilson version)
Oz

Each of those series should essentially "start over" and tell a different story than TV, though. Sopranos, for instance, I always thought could pick a spot somewhere in Season Four or Five -- bring back Adriana -- and just tell a story from that season. Wouldn't have to tie all the arcs together like the series did.

My movie reviews are gold. Most movies DO suck. Great films are rare.

JR4AU · « **Reply #806 on:** October 05, 2011, 10:17:46 AM »

Quote from: Kaos on October 04, 2011, 04:58:40 PM

Reality TV, including Family Jewels, as a rule sucks.

The only television series I can think of off the top of my head that would benefit from a movie treatment are:

The Sopranos
Dexter
Dead Like Me
Walking Dead
La Femme Nikita (the Peta Wilson version)
Oz

Each of those series should essentially "start over" and tell a different story than TV, though. Sopranos, for instance, I always thought could pick a spot somewhere in Season Four or Five -- bring back Adriana -- and just tell a story from that season. Wouldn't have to tie all the arcs together like the series did.

My movie reviews are gold. Most movies DO suck. Great films are rare.

Been so long now I forgot specifics, but they left several story lines hanging in the Sopranos that could be a movie unto themselves. I fucking hate the way HBO fucked that series up with odd seasons starts, and long layoffs.

GH2001 · « **Reply #807 on:** October 05, 2011, 01:36:10 PM »

Quote from: JR4AU on October 05, 2011, 10:17:46 AM

I fucking hate the way HBO fucked that series up with odd seasons starts, and long layoffs.

K might know, but I have no idea why Chase and HBO did that. Maybe had something to do with filming, contracts, etc. I think the series would have went on another season or two if not for Gandolfini wanting to leave and try other things. He was getting mucho bucks per episode. I think the most ever until Sheen broke his record a couple of years back. The long layoffs made the characters age more (especially the kids) than they really did in the storylines.

Kaos · « **Reply #808 on:** October 05, 2011, 01:46:06 PM »

Quote from: GH2001 on October 05, 2011, 01:36:10 PM

K might know, but I have no idea why Chase and HBO did that. Maybe had something to do with filming, contracts, etc. I think the series would have went on another season or two if not for Gandolfini wanting to leave and try other things. He was getting mucho bucks per episode. I think the most ever until Sheen broke his record a couple of years back. The long layoffs made the characters age more (especially the kids) than they really did in the storylines.

Back in 2003 Gandolfini sued HBO because he thought he was underpaid and used a loophole in his contract to say the network neglected to inform him in a timely manner that he was expected back for the fifth season (one of the best, actually).

He was making $5 million. Wanted $16. Not sure what they settled on.

This came after he asked for and got permission to delay the fifth season (and I think one other) so he could work on some really shitty movies that nobody remembers.

GH2001 · « **Reply #809 on:** October 05, 2011, 01:52:39 PM »

Quote from: Kaos on October 05, 2011, 01:46:06 PM

Back in 2003 Gandolfini sued HBO because he thought he was underpaid and used a loophole in his contract to say the network neglected to inform him in a timely manner that he was expected back for the fifth season (one of the best, actually).

He was making $5 million. Wanted $16. Not sure what they settled on.

This came after he asked for and got permission to delay the fifth season (and I think one other) so he could work on some really shitty movies that nobody remembers.

He's done some USO project for HBO as well. Although I find it admirable he did that, to have his mind on that looking forward post Sopranos during the peak of one of the best shows in history and to know that's where his mind was during Season 5 and 6 - IS beyond me. Careerwise - not a good move IMHO. Andy Griffith, Seinfeld, MASH, Friends, Lucy, Cheers - when your show that you are the star of is already being mentioned with these shows, and all you have on your mind is doing a 2nd rate USO documentary and trying to wrap up the show so you can get to this project - I have to question what the hell you are thinking.

Kaos · « **Reply #810 on:** October 06, 2011, 10:22:39 AM »

Resident Evil: Afterlife

New record.

Turned this gob of shit off 11 minutes after it started.

That is all.

Saniflush · « **Reply #811 on:** October 06, 2011, 10:27:38 AM »

Quote from: Kaos on October 06, 2011, 10:22:39 AM

Resident Evil: Afterlife

New record.

Turned this gob of shit off 11 minutes after it started.

That is all.

I always wanted to do naughty things to Milla Jovovich's pink parts.

Kaos · « **Reply #812 on:** October 06, 2011, 10:52:55 AM »

And I've always had a throb for Ali Larter.

Didn't save this gabage. Just a shitty movie. Everything about it piss poorly done.

wesfau2 · « **Reply #813 on:** October 06, 2011, 10:58:08 AM »

Quote from: Kaos on October 06, 2011, 10:52:55 AM

And I've always had a throb for Ali Larter.

Mostly because of this:

Kaos · « **Reply #814 on:** October 06, 2011, 12:01:13 PM »

As it happens I didn't see that movie right away. I saw her first getting ramrodded from behind in a movie called Three Way. What hooked me with Ali was her Maxim spread.

It included this photo:

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #815 on:** October 06, 2011, 12:15:22 PM »

Quote from: Kaos on October 06, 2011, 12:01:13 PM

As it happens I didn't see that movie right away. I saw her first getting ramrodded from behind in a movie called Three Way. What hooked me with Ali was her Maxim spread.

It included this photo:

I think I just skajizzled my Jockeys

Kaos · « **Reply #816 on:** October 19, 2011, 01:08:59 AM »

Everything Must Go

Will Ferrell in a serious role.

Watched this on the recommendation of another poster here.

When it was over I didn't know whether I should review and comment or commit suicide. It was a difficult decision.

Should have known when there were 15 minutes of previews and every single one was for an incredibly shitty movie that what was to come would be more of the same.

Like how most of Ferrell's comedic efforts are nowhere near as funny as he thinks they are, this dramatic effort was nowhere near as poignant as he obviously thought it was. It wasn't "worst movie ever" realm -- we'll save that for Blades of Glory -- but it was incredibly slow and lame. Nuance my ass.

Kaos · « **Reply #817 on:** October 21, 2011, 03:07:34 AM »

Middle Men

All Wilsons suck, but this one sucks less than the others. Don't know his name, don't care.

Pretty good story and told pretty well. It had a little Blow, it had a little Goodfellas, it had a touch of Boogie Nights.

The IBill story is very interesting from the geek perspective. All of us keep hoping we'll stumble on that simple idea that will make us shitloads of cash. Watching two immature idiots do it is, at the least, entertaining.

The fact that I know at least peripherally one of the key players loosely portrayed in the film added to it for me. That knowledge also clued me in to the ridiculous liberties "inspired by a true story" allows. About 2/3 of the shit didn't happen that way and the other 1/3 was fabricated.

As a film, it could have used just a little more character development so you could get a better sense of the emotional struggle the Owen guy endured. Should have probably done a better job of showing how his lines slowly grayed as opposed to some of the leaps he made.

As I've watched some acquaintances and former associates go down the path that leads to unsavory ends, it's never the big decisions they make that lead to enforcement agents knocking at the door, it's always the cumulative effect of the smaller ones.

Not for everyone, but I enjoyed the movie a good bit.

Kaos · « **Reply #818 on:** October 21, 2011, 03:18:04 AM »

Hanna

Weird ass white girl (seriously white) who has lovely bones kicks people's asses in freaky locales, makes out with a 12-year old girl and guts an elk or a reindeer (or some shit). She's fascinated with a light switch because she's never seen electricity, but can jump on a computer and master teh Googles in 15 seconds well enough to dig into super secret government projects. She doesn't know what a coffee maker is, but knows how to reconfigure a car. She's terrified of a hotel shower but has no trouble navigating mass transit in a busy metro area.

Eric Bana makes faces and butchers another accent. He's John Travolta bad.

Some crazy white bitch with red hair brushes her teeth until they bleed.

Mr. Grimm has a fairytale house.

"Dad" sends her off on a solo cross-country journey but they're supposed to meet up at some random locale.

Crazy CIA bitch caps people's asses left and right and there are no repercussions.

Lord Cutler Beckett from Pirates of the Caribbean shows up in the gayest tennis outfit known to man.

Fucking weird movie with a fucked up Chemical Brothers backbeat and some odd framing.

Not sure what I expected, but I expected much more than this. I didn't hate it, but I could have gone my whole life without watching it and been ok-fine.

Townhallsavoy · « **Reply #819 on:** October 21, 2011, 08:48:20 AM »

Is it me, or have most of the reviews of recent movies been well-deserved harsh criticisms?

I've got this theory that 99% of the movies being released over the past decade have been absolute shit.