Kaos' way behind movie reviews

Kaos · « **Reply #2700 on:** October 04, 2018, 02:22:52 PM »

He's Out There
It is now October and that means a minimum of 31 movies over the next 31 days. All horror.

Dexter's last girlfriend heads out into the woods with her two daughters. Daddy's delayed a couple of hours. This irked me because he was literally leaving just a few hours behind the wife and kids and the house was way the hell out in secluded nowhere, with absolutely nothing to do so why couldn't she just freaking wait? That ill-conceived plot device threw me from the start and cast a shadow of dissatisfaction over the rest of what was a reasonably decent "some creepy guy is after us" story.

So they get out there, the girls find some treats in the woods, one eats of the goodies and gets sick. Then there's some weird guy in a weird mask who wants to kill them all.

Pretty standard shriek and stab fare, right down to the "where did he go?" fade to black.

Good marks for the little kids, good marks for the bad guy's outfit, bad marks for the dumb "we're going now" plot device and really bad marks for the expository scene where the bad guy attempts to explain his existence. That was just dumb.

Kaos · « **Reply #2701 on:** October 04, 2018, 02:34:54 PM »

Terrifier

Oh how well this could have gone. This was an idea and an execution (pun) that could have thrived so well with a bigger studio budget.

The bad guy in this off-beat slasher film is a clown dressed in black and white who never says a word. That in its own right is extremely creepy and lends an air of menace to the character.

The guy playing the clown is magnificent in the role. He brings savage life to the character with nothing more than his eyes and some hand gestures. He adds notes of comedy that are well worth the trip. Watching him prance and preen after one murder is as good or better than anything the moth guy in Silence of the Lambs did. I think it's better because if anything, it's even more unhinged.

It's a real shame that this crazily nuanced performance was wasted in a film that looks like it was filmed with an iPhone on a $200 budget.

It's one of the quirkiest most unusual horror films I've seen in a while.

For what it's worth, the lead gal isn't beautiful per se, but she's trashy hot in a way that makes it hard not to watch her.

Don't get me wrong. It's not a good movie. But sometimes an individual performance is worth wading through the rest of the crap and in my opinion this is one of those cases. The guy playing the clown is insanely good (pun).

CCTAU · « **Reply #2702 on:** October 04, 2018, 02:38:08 PM »

Quote from: Kaos on October 04, 2018, 02:34:54 PM

Terrifier

It's not a good movie. But sometimes an individual performance is worth wading through the rest of the crap and in my opinion this is one of those cases. The guy playing the clown is insanely good (pun).

Mimes need jobs too!

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #2703 on:** October 04, 2018, 02:52:31 PM »

The Book of Eli

You may have reviewed this one a while back. It's just that I had seen about 3/4 or 73.7229% of it until last night, when I finally watched it until the end. Denzell normally does such a good job as a one man wrecking crew. Set in a post apocalypse world, Denzel is told by a voice to go (walk) across country and deliver a book (The Bible) to a group that's trying to re-establish humanity.

It's got a lot of Mad Max type action with a bunch of bad guys in homemade armored trucks trying to steal the book, and lot of Denzell offing bitches with various weapons. Overall, pretty meh. How's that for a review? However, it had an ending that really made me glad I watched the rest of it. It wasn't where I expected it to go and made me look at the rest of the movie differently.

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #2704 on:** October 04, 2018, 02:52:51 PM »

A mime is a terrible thing to waste.

Godfather · « **Reply #2705 on:** October 05, 2018, 03:47:01 PM »

Quote from: Kaos on October 04, 2018, 02:13:40 PM

Molly's Game

Jessica Chastain in a "based on a true story" film about a crashed skiing star (Molly Bloom) and her rise and fall in the world of big time underground poker games.

Fairly interesting, pretty well acted and a story I didn't know. Cast also included Kevin Costner, Michael Sera and Idris Elba.

Where the movie fell short was in failing to identify -- even if just in flipbook style clips -- some of the Hollywood elite who rotated in and out of her high stakes games.

Worth watching just for the story.

Side Note: The guy that was the big time poker player celebrity asshole is widely figured to be Tobey Maguire.

Godfather · « **Reply #2706 on:** October 05, 2018, 03:50:00 PM »

Quote from: Snaggletiger on October 04, 2018, 02:52:31 PM

The Book of Eli

You may have reviewed this one a while back. It's just that I had seen about 3/4 or 73.7229% of it until last night, when I finally watched it until the end. Denzell normally does such a good job as a one man wrecking crew. Set in a post apocalypse world, Denzel is told by a voice to go (walk) across country and deliver a book (The Bible) to a group that's trying to re-establish humanity.

It's got a lot of Mad Max type action with a bunch of bad guys in homemade armored trucks trying to steal the book, and lot of Denzell offing bitches with various weapons. Overall, pretty meh. How's that for a review? However, it had an ending that really made me glad I watched the rest of it. It wasn't where I expected it to go and made me look at the rest of the movie differently.

Yep and once you know the twist watch the movie again and see how brilliant a job Denzel actually did, because it's obvious from the start.

Godfather · « **Reply #2707 on:** October 05, 2018, 03:51:35 PM »

Quote from: Kaos on October 04, 2018, 02:16:37 PM

Solo

I feel about this movie about like I do Better Call Saul. It's not bad, but it's unnecessary and it sort of twingles (a mix of twist and tangle) some of the mythology of the originals.

If there were no Star Wars I wouldn't have cared about this story at all. It was too light and glossed over backstory the viewer was just expected to know.

It wasn't bad, it wasn't good. It was just there.

Danerys? She needs to stick to being Danerys. She hasn't been good in anything else I've seen her in.

I'm done with all things Star Wars...you need to read and learn who Kathleen Kennedy is.

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #2708 on:** October 05, 2018, 04:03:53 PM »

Quote from: Godfather on October 05, 2018, 03:50:00 PM

Yep and once you know the twist watch the movie again and see how brilliant a job Denzel actually did, because it's obvious from the start.

Denzell is in my top 3. Can't recall anything he's been in that I didn't like. I was a little bummed by the first Equalizer, but more because there wasn't nearly the offing a bitch as I was expecting. Not because of his acting, though.

wesfau2 · « **Reply #2709 on:** October 05, 2018, 05:48:41 PM »

Quote from: Godfather on October 05, 2018, 03:47:01 PM

Side Note: The guy that was the big time poker player celebrity asshole is widely figured to be Tobey Maguire.

Molly's brother, Jeremy, was the U Colorado football player who got DQd by the NCAA because of his skiing sponsorships.

Kaos · « **Reply #2710 on:** October 05, 2018, 06:00:24 PM »

The Unspoken

Relatively decent B-level horror movie. Cast featured a number of Hallmark movie veterans which gives you an idea of the level of quality.

How many times do we have to watch the same story? Family moves to house with a history, weird things start to happen.

The weirdness part of it was done well. The creepy mute kid was creepy enough to make that part of it work. A few worthless jump scares (really loud music mostly). And then at the end it veered off into Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull territory. Pretty much trashed everything that had come before with a really dumb denouement.

Far from the worst I've ever seen, but didn't move the needle. Really just one to check off the list and move on to something better.

Kaos · « **Reply #2711 on:** October 05, 2018, 10:13:54 PM »

Quote from: Snaggletiger on October 04, 2018, 02:52:31 PM

The Book of Eli

You may have reviewed this one a while back.

====

Page 10 of this thread if you care

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It's just that I had seen about 3/4 or 73.7229% of it until last night, when I finally watched it until the end. Denzell normally does such a good job as a one man wrecking crew. Set in a post apocalypse world, Denzel is told by a voice to go (walk) across country and deliver a book (The Bible) to a group that's trying to re-establish humanity.

It's got a lot of Mad Max type action with a bunch of bad guys in homemade armored trucks trying to steal the book, and lot of Denzell offing bitches with various weapons. Overall, pretty meh. How's that for a review? However, it had an ending that really made me glad I watched the rest of it. It wasn't where I expected it to go and made me look at the rest of the movie differently.

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #2712 on:** October 06, 2018, 12:44:52 AM »

Really obscure side note. Anyone see the first Rambo? First Blood? Love that movie BTW. As much for the setting and scenery as anything else. Not for Stallone's "stellar" acting.

For those that did, Jack Starrett played the bad cop who fucked with Rambo to get the whole movie started. Beat him up in the jail and later, Rambo sent him plunging to his death from a helicopter. Anyway...Jack Starrett also said, as Gabby Hayes....

"The Sheriff is a NNNN....." BOOOOONG

Kaos · « **Reply #2713 on:** October 08, 2018, 12:29:39 AM »

Cynthia
The reviews of bad Halloween horror movies continues with 2018's Cynthia. In this case, the previews for the movie were incredibly misleading. Previews played it as a straight horror when in actuality it was a lot of other things, none which worked very well.

Scout Taylor Compton has built a fairly crappy horror resume since she showed up in the Rob Zombie Halloween reboot. Apparently she can do other genres well enough, but when she chooses horror she chooses badly.

This is another horrific choice. Bad movie, poorly rendered.

Basic story is that STC and hubby want a baby and for reasons unknown she births one regular child and a disgusting cyst which contains a murderous malformed twin that the docs miss. Cynthia is the twin.

Some incredibly dumb dialogue, some really idiotic lapses in time references, and some laughable puppetry are sprinkled throughout a film that doesn't know if it wants to be schlock, straight horror, soft porn or comedy-horror. So it did a little of all of it poorly. The creature in a birthday hat was woefully funny. There wasn't a truthful moment or reaction in the entire howevermany minutes this thing labored on.

There was no mention of Rob Zombie being involved but the film did feature a haggard Sid (Captain Spaulding) as a detective who unbelievably hooks up with the hottest woman in the story and Bill Moseley (in a stupid, wasted scene). Haig and Moseley are both of Devils Rejects fame and Compton from Zombie's Halloween reboot.

So much was bad with this movie. So, so much.

Kaos · « **Reply #2714 on:** October 17, 2018, 10:08:24 PM »

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

Dinosaurs. Blah blah blah. People run. Woo woop. Aaahh, dinosaur chomps.

Bad science. Really dumb storyline.

We've seen the fake dinos before. It was amazing in 1993. It was nostalgic in 2015. It was tired and pedestrian in 2018.

No new ground broken. None.

We can end it now unless somebody makes real dinosaurs and there's a documentary.

Kaos · « **Reply #2715 on:** October 17, 2018, 10:20:57 PM »

Malevolent

Made for Netflix movie about some fake ghost hunters who try to scam the wrong haunted family.

No real dark scares. A few "whoah" moments.

The film was set in 1986 for no apparent reason. It was about Americans in Scotland for no reason that made sense.  There was a lot of backstory that was glossed over and not fully explained. Some of the sets and set ups were a little awkward.

There was a silly throwaway storyline about some drug dealers or something that was probably a lot meatier before editing left it on the cutting room floor.

There was a wasted scene with a Scottish grandfather that was supposed to explain things about the mother of the ghost hunters -- and the mother storyline was in and of itself another empty and unfulfilling rabbit hole.

There were also some random and completely unrelated/unnecessary scenes where the lead guy was listening to self-help tapes. No explanation or exposition. Had nothing to do with the movie and meant absolutely nothing to the story. This again probably was intended to be a bigger part of the story before editing cut all that fluff out.

The lead in the movie, Angela, (played by 22-year old Florence Pugh) wasn't even what you'd call pretty but there was an odd sexiness about her that made her scenes easier to endure. The guy playing her brother was smarmy enough and fairly believable.

You could pretty much see what was coming for the most part. Definitely not something to add to annual the Halloween viewing list.

But for a Netflix movie it was reasonably well done.

Kaos · « **Reply #2716 on:** October 23, 2018, 03:01:15 PM »

A Place In Hell

Yet another in the pantheon of movies that are filmed on somebody's iPhone using actors that are plucked randomly from the street.

College students charged with making their own short subject film elect to visit an abandoned haunted house and film a horror movie. You'll be rooting for them all to die quickly. There's also a laughable side story about a disgraced drunk detective and his pissed off ex boss who spar over finding the "real killer" and bond at the end.

Interesting concept (again) butchered beyond all comprehension (again). Incomplete storylines, unnecessary rabbit holes, piss poor scene transition, asinine setups.

Example: For no reason that makes any sense the crew traipses through a blacklight haunted room when they are trying to escape the bad guy. The room is full of strips of sheet plastic. Suddenly none of them can find each other and begin shouting "hello?" (which is my pet peeve). Then suddenly there is some random noise and they all immediately converge on the exit door. Waaaaait... ten seconds ago they couldn't find their own assholes in the room, but now they're all in the exact same spot?

Just a terrible movie with absolutely no redeeming features other than the place where it was filmed is actually a haunted attraction which can currently be visited.

Kaos · « **Reply #2717 on:** October 23, 2018, 03:03:32 PM »

House of Wax

Elisha Cuthbert had a period where she was achingly sexy. This movie fell right in the heart of that brief period. She just oozes it. From every delicious pore.

Other than that? What a dumb movie.

GH2001 · « **Reply #2718 on:** October 23, 2018, 03:43:12 PM »

Quote from: Kaos on October 23, 2018, 03:03:32 PM

House of Wax

Elisha Cuthbert had a period where she was achingly sexy. This movie fell right in the heart of that brief period. She just oozes it. From every delicious pore.

Other than that? What a dumb movie.

Sheâ€™s on The Ranch now. And sheâ€™s still hot to me. Now sheâ€™s a woman instead of a girl.

Kaos · « **Reply #2719 on:** October 23, 2018, 03:57:17 PM »

Quote from: GH2001 on October 23, 2018, 03:43:12 PM

Sheâ€™s on The Ranch now. And sheâ€™s still hot to me. Now sheâ€™s a woman instead of a girl.

I'd do her if she was a grandmother. When she is a grandmother.