Kaos' way behind movie reviews

[Kaos]

Mostly agree with the above.  Didn't break any new ground but it managed to keep it wildly entertaining for 2 hours.

One thing about DPI and 2.  They were both funny as hell.  But 5 years from now, we won't be quoting anything from either movie.  This is fast moving, quick hitting one-liners that you laugh at and quickly prepare for the next one.  We quote Caddyshack, Blazing Saddles, Coming To America and numerous other comedy standards.  These don't fit the mold.

Not a put down of either DP movie.  Loved the hell out of both.  It's just that neither will be a "Classic" in the sense of comedy movie legends.  But damn, that was 2 hours of fun.

There may be some catchphrases that survive.  I've already seen a few floating around.  

You want quotes that stand the test of time?  Watch Raising Arizona.  That's a quotable classic.   There's hardly a day that goes by that I don't use at least one line from that movie.  

Just yesterday I was trying to help my daughter get her immunization records together and I went "You got to get them dip tet boosters yearly else you'll develop lock jaw and night vision. You got to have your dip tet, honey..."  
And she says "what's wrong with you?"

And I says "Well, sometimes I get them menstrual cramps real hard." 
 
She snatched the paper away and left the room.  

[Kaos]

The Circle

I keep giving her movies a chance because I absolutely adored her in Dexter, but I keep coming to the same conclusion.  Julie Benz isn't very good. 

She adds nothing, absolutely nothing, to this movie.  Her part could have been played by any random person yanked off the street and been just as effective.

Here's what happens.

Bunch of people standing on red spots in a circle in a room.  Leave your spot, you get zapped and die.  Every few minutes you "vote" and somebody gets killed. 

It's an interesting concept, but it was so emotionally vacant and woodenly acted that it never generated the sense of fear and dread that it could have. 

It needed some rationale for why it was happening.  And it desperately needed some legitimate reactions.  Real people wouldn't have stood around calmly discussing each other's racist tendencies or forming murder alliances.  There was little discussion of how to disarm the game, just who should be killed in each turn.  Real people would have tried to figure a way to stop it, they wouldn't just acquiesce to the killings. Plus, the rules of the murder game kept changing in order to meet whatever argument was going on.  You have to vote, but some don't, so you don't.  Stupid. 

Good idea. Piss poor execution.  How many times have we heard that? Julie should give up acting and just come live with me.  

[Kaos]

Possession of Michael King

Low budget horror movie. 

Delivered to a degree.  The guy playing Michael King was good, but the script he had to work with left him stranded in some cases. 

Like the movie I just reviewed (The Circle) there was an emotional flatness here that seriously handcuffed the film.  Too many things were left dangling. 

Atheist's wife is killed in an accident --  why they dragged out the circumstances of her death in piecemeal flashbacks across the span of the film is a bad mystery -- so the atheist decides to summon demons to either prove or debunk a life beyond this realm.  He's gonna make a documentary.

Atheist was pretty good in doing the interview for his film. Right level of smug disbelief.  Then, of course, he gets what he wants and one gets all up in him. 

The movie stops well short of the full monty so his possession doesn't have the horrific weight it could.  Still, there are a few decent cutaways before it just collapses into its own dullness.  The end was, I guess, a callback to the greatest possession movie of all time but even that was flatly rendered and without resolution. 

The few good scenes were not worth the overall journey. 

[Kaos]

Hereditary

Really looked forward to this movie.  Good early buzz. 

Two hours and seven minutes.  Every single time I thought "oh, yeah, now it's about to get good..." the film turned away.

Tony Collette did a really good job.  The guy who needed a haircut from Jumanji still badly needed a comb. The poor girl who you assumed was the focal point of the movie with her clicking tongue is so god-awful hard to look at. 

I never really knew what was going on and you weren't given enough character history to really care much either way what happened to them. 

The ending was laughable, silly, contrived and ridiculous.  It didn't explain any of the hours and hours and hours of odd little twitches, it only more confused them. 
u
There were just way, way too many square pieces that didn't fit into round holes. 

1) What was the point of the tiny houses?
2) What was the point of the mom's sleepwalking or the paint thinner story?
3) What was the point of the little girl's oddities, including the bird head?
4) What was the point of all the screaming at each other?
5) In what world would a mother send a 13-year old to a party with her 17-year old brother?  Stupid.
6) What was the whole point of the grandmother?
7) What was the point of "she wanted me to be a boy?"
8) What was the point of the stupid words scrawled in the walls?

I could go on for two hours and seven minutes.  

It was a web spun in all so many directions that few of the threads stuck.  So few that the entire web fell apart and the spider died. 

I won't say it was a bad movie because all of the set pieces, the lighting, the cinematography, the acting and even the music was quality.  Too bad a muddy, unconvincing and in the end asinine story marred it. 

[GH2001]

Hereditary

Really looked forward to this movie.  Good early buzz. 

Two hours and seven minutes.  Every single time I thought "oh, yeah, now it's about to get good..." the film turned away.

Tony Collette did a really good job.  The guy who needed a haircut from Jumanji still badly needed a comb. The poor girl who you assumed was the focal point of the movie with her clicking tongue is so god-awful hard to look at. 

I never really knew what was going on and you weren't given enough character history to really care much either way what happened to them. 

The ending was laughable, silly, contrived and ridiculous.  It didn't explain any of the hours and hours and hours of odd little twitches, it only more confused them. 
u
There were just way, way too many square pieces that didn't fit into round holes. 

1) What was the point of the tiny houses?
2) What was the point of the mom's sleepwalking or the paint thinner story?
3) What was the point of the little girl's oddities, including the bird head?
4) What was the point of all the screaming at each other?
5) In what world would a mother send a 13-year old to a party with her 17-year old brother?  Stupid.
6) What was the whole point of the grandmother?
7) What was the point of "she wanted me to be a boy?"
8) What was the point of the stupid words scrawled in the walls?

I could go on for two hours and seven minutes. 

It was a web spun in all so many directions that few of the threads stuck.  So few that the entire web fell apart and the spider died. 

I won't say it was a bad movie because all of the set pieces, the lighting, the cinematography, the acting and even the music was quality.  Too bad a muddy, unconvincing and in the end asinine story marred it.

Sigh....

I really had high hopes for this one. But I've heard your same review from several others. 

[Kaos]

Sigh....

I really had high hopes for this one. But I've heard your same review from several others.

Plagarists!! 

The media reviews were jerk offy in praise.  Found it telling, though, that it got an opening night D+ CinemaScore.  

[Kaos]

Wildling

If you hadn't figured out the big "twist" in the first 45 seconds of the movie, you should ban yourself from watching movies for at least six months. 

It was so obvious a pack of butterscotch chips would have seen it coming. 

Here's an idea:  Let's steal a term from Game of Thrones to get people's attention.  Then let's bring in Liv Tyler to star and executive produce. But make sure she never once looks remotely attractive.  Then let's borrow from Ginger Snaps (a far superior movie), Teen Wolf, and a hundred other creature out of water movies.  Bang!  Instant hit.  Or not. 

The girl at the center of the movie's story wasn't terrible, but she was burdened with a trope-fest of tired cliches and a heavy dose of dumb storylines. 

I get tired of saying this, but there were too many idiotic events that didn't make sense.  I'm tired of movies that lazily use conveniences to push the story in ways it probably wouldn't naturally go.  I'm sick of characters having these absurd motivations that bear no similarity to how a real person might react. 

Here's a big wad of stupidity: 

Girl and highly unlikely suitor steal a police car.  Run though the woods and nobody can catch them despite building a roaring fire to have sex by.  Girl is running "north" and in something like two month's time, she's managed to get maaaaybe 20 yards from where she started.  Gaping logical faults like this peppered the movie and defied all sensibility. 

Don't rent. Don't buy. Don't bother.

Liv?  Do better.

[GH2001]

Wildling

If you hadn't figured out the big "twist" in the first 45 seconds of the movie, you should ban yourself from watching movies for at least six months. 

It was so obvious a pack of butterscotch chips would have seen it coming. 

Here's an idea:  Let's steal a term from Game of Thrones to get people's attention.  Then let's bring in Liv Tyler to star and executive produce. But make sure she never once looks remotely attractive.  Then let's borrow from Ginger Snaps (a far superior movie), Teen Wolf, and a hundred other creature out of water movies.  Bang!  Instant hit.  Or not. 

The girl at the center of the movie's story wasn't terrible, but she was burdened with a trope-fest of tired cliches and a heavy dose of dumb storylines. 

I get tired of saying this, but there were too many idiotic events that didn't make sense.  I'm tired of movies that lazily use conveniences to push the story in ways it probably wouldn't naturally go.  I'm sick of characters having these absurd motivations that bear no similarity to how a real person might react. 

Here's a big wad of stupidity: 

Girl and highly unlikely suitor steal a police car.  Run though the woods and nobody can catch them despite building a roaring fire to have sex by.  Girl is running "north" and in something like two month's time, she's managed to get maaaaybe 20 yards from where she started.  Gaping logical faults like this peppered the movie and defied all sensibility. 

Don't rent. Don't buy. Don't bother.

Liv?  Do better.

Liv gave her political opinion on the x?

[Kaos]

Den of Thieves

Gerard Butler, 50 Cent, Pornstache, Ice Chip, Victor Newman (for you Young and Restless fans), and a few other people in an ultra-violent heist film.

Borrowing various big chunks from The Town, Training Day, American Gangster, Oceans 11 and a number of other implausible 'shoot up the entire town' robbery movies, this overly long film wasn't bad, but it just didn't break any new ground. 

Ice Chip showed he might have a career in this acting game.  50 Cent showed he really doesn't.  Gerard Butler showed that his time has passed.  He hasn't really done squidooly since 300 anyway and he wasn't that good even in that.

The movie wasn't bad. The whole way through I knew there was a story that was hiding beneath the surface, but I didn't really figure out what it was.  So that was good. 

Some of the rest was just too convenient from a timing standpoint.  No way some of the things could have happened in the timeframe they did. And there was a whole throwaway storyline about a wife and kids that was utterly unnecessary and could have shaved at least 15 minutes off the too-long running time. 

It was good enough to waste some time on, but won't live on in the pantheon of good action movies.

[Kaos]

Atticus vs. The Architect: The political assassination of Don Siegelman

If you live in Alabama and haven't watched this, you need to do so.  It makes me utterly ashamed to be an Alabamian.  It's on Amazon.

I was never a big Don Siegelman fan.  I know for a fact that he, like all politicians, had some back alley areas that were a little bit gray.  He had his cronies. But I also know for a fact that he was shot down by a fearful state/national establishment. 

What Bob Riley brought us was an unprecedented wave of corruption.  He and his machine politically murdered anyone from the Democratic side who might be a challenge to them. They did it by strong-arming the legal system, taking truckloads of money from the Mississippi casinos, and flat out stealing votes.  

It also mirrors in many ways the politically motivated attacks on President Trump right now, particularly in terms of the incestuous relationships between the people going after him legally.  It's hard to ignore the parallels between the "investigation" of Siegelman and that of Trump. 

If I have to pick a party, I'm likely to pick Republican.  But after watching this and remembering again just how corrupt the party became under Bob Riley.... I'm probably going to vote for the Maddox guy this year.
 

[Snaggletiger]

Riley was Saban level corrupt.  Fucking horrible.

[GH2001]

Atticus vs. The Architect: The political assassination of Don Siegelman

If you live in Alabama and haven't watched this, you need to do so.  It makes me utterly ashamed to be an Alabamian.  It's on Amazon.

I was never a big Don Siegelman fan.  I know for a fact that he, like all politicians, had some back alley areas that were a little bit gray.  He had his cronies. But I also know for a fact that he was shot down by a fearful state/national establishment. 

What Bob Riley brought us was an unprecedented wave of corruption.  He and his machine politically murdered anyone from the Democratic side who might be a challenge to them. They did it by strong-arming the legal system, taking truckloads of money from the Mississippi casinos, and flat out stealing votes. 

It also mirrors in many ways the politically motivated attacks on President Trump right now, particularly in terms of the incestuous relationships between the people going after him legally.  It's hard to ignore the parallels between the "investigation" of Siegelman and that of Trump. 

If I have to pick a party, I'm likely to pick Republican.  But after watching this and remembering again just how corrupt the party became under Bob Riley.... I'm probably going to vote for the Maddox guy this year.
 

That's because smiling Bob is a lifelong democrat. He simply switched parties for electability not too long ago. 

[Kaos]

Incredibles 2

Sentimentality is a dangerous drug.  My youngest kids (18) wanted to go see this one because they'd loved the original back when they were four.  Nostalgia and whatnot.  

I used to be a big fan of the whole Disney thing. Lion King is remains in my all-time favorites list.  I've got a really deep attachment to Little Mermaid because of my oldest daughter.  I remembered the first Incredibles movie and thought I remembered that I'd enjoyed it. 

I guess it's been too long since I had kids small enough to take them to these animated films.   This one just failed to keep me engaged.  It was bright. It was noisy. It was bombastic. It tried to squeeze a little emotion here and there.  But it just left me completely flat.  The story was a retread of a retread of a retread.  Nothing surprising.  The theater was packed and people applauded (because I think they thought they had to maybe?) but it was all I could to do to keep from checking my phone every five minutes to see what time it was.  

The little animated short that came on prior to the movie (I think it was called Bao?)  That thing had heart, humor and life.  That one touched me. 

[Kaos]

Veronica

Spanish horror movie.  

Watched because I saw articles where people were turning it off midway through because it was so scary they couldn't handle it.  

Pfffttt.  Yawn.  Not scary at all.  

Okay movie.  I figured the "big reveal" pretty early.  It wasn't bad per se, but it was really just a big ball of meh.  

Same story we've seen time after time.  Teenagers mess with Ouija board, teenagers accidentally invite demon. Cue benign jump scares and shadowy figures dashing across in the background.  

Scary factor of zero.  

[Kaos]

Anna
Good cast including Tassia Farmiga and Mark Strong.  

Cop who "reads memories" (Strong) hired to help girl who might be a murderous psychopath (Farmiga).  

Less than ten minutes in, we all knew what was happening rather than what was allegedly happening.  Because of that, the movie lacked the resonance it might have had.  

The whole "read memory" angle lent an air of silliness to a movie that was supposed to be tense.  Little Farmiga is a decent actress, but on the verge of being pigeonholed as "that weird horror girl."  She needs to find a different genre.  

I wouldn't bother with this.  

[Kaos]

Winchester 

Reasonably average horror movie.  Used to like Jason Clarke, but his performances have degraded over time.  He's the weakest part of this movie.  

Better than I expected. 

[Kaos]

The Cleanse 

Could you destroy your worst traits/behaviors if they were implanted in a critter that was sort of cute? 

That's the goofy premise of this weird movie.  

Really interesting premise completely mishandled and bungled by a cast that includes Anjelica Houston, Rusty Griswold, Oliver Platt and a couple of other people you'd recognize.  

Could have been a good movie but that opportunity was fumbled.  Rusty Gris is a terrible actor and sucks as badly here as he does in Bang Bing Theory. 

[Kaos]

Fuck Heston.  Fuck him for his shitty acting and his political activism.  I want my actors to act and leave their fucking politics at home.

Hmmm. Ran across this wes quote from 2011.  

Belongs in the SGA but, hmmmm.  

So how does wes feel about Clooney, Meyers, and the rest of the whole bleating pack? 

[GH2001]

Hmmm. Ran across this wes quote from 2011. 

Belongs in the SGA but, hmmmm. 

So how does wes feel about Clooney, Meyers, and the rest of the whole bleating pack?

Don't you know different rules apply when self interest and ideology rule Supreme? Do as I say not as a do. That's the left. 

[wesfau2]

Hmmm. Ran across this wes quote from 2011. 

Belongs in the SGA but, hmmmm. 

So how does wes feel about Clooney, Meyers, and the rest of the whole bleating pack?

They're entitled to their opinions, just as anyone is, but their stature in the American entertainment industry doesn't lend them any insight or make their opinions any more credible.

Heston is still a shitty actor, though.