Kaos' way behind movie reviews

[Townhallsavoy]

Alice in Wonderland

Holy hell, what a terrible movie.  I went into this with low expectations as I knew this was just being made for blockbuster money, but this was simply awful.  The story was uneventful.  The plot was rushed.  Besides Johnny Depp's typical quirkiness, the acting was stilted.  What kind of a 17 year old girl enters a realm of evaporating cats, rabbits that talk, a queen with a gigantic head who cuts off other people's heads, and walking cards with spears and doesn't ONCE show any signs of being afraid, surprised, or nervous? 

Oh wait (spoiler alert), she thinks it's a dream until the very end when she realizes it's not a dream.  She keeps saying she wants to wake up.  She hates the dream.  Yet, she keeps going along with the nonsense.  I kept waiting for her to jump off a cliff and attempt to fly, since, she continually reminded me she was only in a dream. 

Also, the ending is completely worthless.  I won't, um I guess, spoil it for you, but trust me when I say that the end to Alice in Wonderland involves a business deal with China. 

And the talent level is sub par.  Anne Hathaway is the only attractive girl in the movie, but she flings her hands around like a child with severe mental retardation (not trying to be mean or funny; that's just how she looked).  Also, she was caked with dark colored make up.  Looked like someone smeared poo all over her. 

Zero stars out of ten. 

Inglourious Basterds

I know most have already seen this movie, but I just saw it and thought it was great.  Not Tarentino's best.  But it was entertaining and had a good story. 

Also, I'm in love:

[Kaos]

Defiance

Jews survive in the woods.  Ok.  It's a good story, but -- no offense to the Jews -- how many more Jews suffered during WWII movies can there really be? 

The only thing that sets this apart is that it was a somewhat true story. 

Reasonably well acted if maybe a little over-emoted.  And a little long.  And a little lacking in the wrapup. 

Just meh overall. 

State of Play

Ben Affleck is a super powerful Senator?  Russell Crowe is a schlumpy, stringy-haired reporter? Rachel McAdams -- who is cute, but a complete acting lightweight -- is interested somewhat in Crowe? 

Just a waste.  It wasn't offensive, but it just didn't reach anywhere.  It was the film equivalent of lukewarm tapioca. 

Boo.

[RWS]

Alice in Wonderland

Holy hell, what a terrible movie.  I went into this with low expectations as I knew this was just being made for blockbuster money, but this was simply awful.  The story was uneventful.  The plot was rushed.  Besides Johnny Depp's typical quirkiness, the acting was stilted.  What kind of a 17 year old girl enters a realm of evaporating cats, rabbits that talk, a queen with a gigantic head who cuts off other people's heads, and walking cards with spears and doesn't ONCE show any signs of being afraid, surprised, or nervous? 

Oh wait (spoiler alert), she thinks it's a dream until the very end when she realizes it's not a dream.  She keeps saying she wants to wake up.  She hates the dream.  Yet, she keeps going along with the nonsense.  I kept waiting for her to jump off a cliff and attempt to fly, since, she continually reminded me she was only in a dream. 

Also, the ending is completely worthless.  I won't, um I guess, spoil it for you, but trust me when I say that the end to Alice in Wonderland involves a business deal with China. 

And the talent level is sub par.  Anne Hathaway is the only attractive girl in the movie, but she flings her hands around like a child with severe mental retardation (not trying to be mean or funny; that's just how she looked).  Also, she was caked with dark colored make up.  Looked like someone smeared poo all over her. 

Zero stars out of ten. 

My wife and I thought about seeing this the other night, but had heard that either you love it or hate it. Alot of folks said pretty much the same as you. We decided to see Shutter Island instead, which was a great movie.

[Kaos]

Oscars said Hurt Locker was a great movie. 

I wasn't moved.  I really think the accolades for the film are more for the subtle way it made the US look overwhelmed and incompetent in a war that's essentially unwinnable (in Hollywood estimation, because as one of our own on this board once said, 'violence is never the answer')  than they are for the fact that the movie was really that good.  The Oscar glory was as much about agenda as it was about film. 

[wesfau2]

My wife and I thought about seeing this the other night, but had heard that either you love it or hate it. Alot of folks said pretty much the same as you.

I love Burton, Depp and Carter.  I will be seeing this.

I don't use K's movie reviews for much but entertainment value.  Our tastes are very different.

[Aubie16]

I don't use K's movie reviews for much but entertainment value.  Our tastes are very different.

Just an fyi...that was townhall's review.

[Townhallsavoy]

I love Burton, Depp and Carter.  I will be seeing this.

I don't use K's movie reviews for much but entertainment value.  Our tastes are very different.

I love them all as well. 

Depp and Carter I can forgive.  Carter seemed to be directed to be like the villain in a kid's movie.  Depp saved the show.

Burton?  The man rushed the script and spent more time evaluating the CGI instead of evaluating the lead role's acting.  That was the main problem.  Alice sucked.

[wesfau2]

Just an fyi...that was townhall's review.

Ah...my mistake.

[dallaswareagle]

I love them all as well. 

Depp and Carter I can forgive.  Carter seemed to be directed to be like the villain in a kid's movie.  Depp saved the show.

Burton?  The man rushed the script and spent more time evaluating the CGI instead of evaluating the lead role's acting.  That was the main problem.  Alice sucked.

It's X-rated? 

[Godfather]

It's X-rated? 

No...that would be this version...which I do have a copy of.

[Saniflush]

Screw ya'll.  This is all you need.

[Lurking Tiger]

No...that would be this version...which I do have a copy of.

Kristine De Bell. Yummy.

[Thrilla]

No...that would be this version...which I do have a copy of.

I imagine it sits right next to your copy of Deep Throat? 

[Godfather]

I imagine it sits right next to your copy of Deep Throat Debbie Does Dallas? 

FTFY Why yes it does.

[Thrilla]

FTFY Why yes it does.

I actually had that initially.  FML

[wesfau2]

I love them all as well. 

Depp and Carter I can forgive.  Carter seemed to be directed to be like the villain in a kid's movie.  Depp saved the show.

Burton?  The man rushed the script and spent more time evaluating the CGI instead of evaluating the lead role's acting.  That was the main problem.  Alice sucked.

Wow, I'm here to say that I was wrong.  Awful movie.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much Disney and not nearly enough Burton.  Carter was great.  Depp was uncharacteristically unimpressive. 

I would like to see Burton take a mulligan on this one without being handcuffed by the fucking mouse.

[Godfather]

The Hurt Locker

Gotta disagree with our resident Ebert here.  While not what I would typically think the Academy would pick as Movie of the year. Frankly, because I usually have no interest in the Movie of the Year.  I thought hurt locker told a great story, and something that does probably ring true with some of our younger service men and women.  That being the adrenaline from battle and then the subsequent return home to the mundane existence.  I really didn't notice any anti war propaganda from our usually liberal Hollywood.  I recommend!

Did you Hear about the Morgans

Ok first off chick flick...which I knew going in, but sometimes you gotta bite the bullet.  I actually usually like the bumbling comedic routine of Hugh Grant who pretty much plays the same character in every romantic comedy, however this one was atrocious.  Sarah Jessica Parker....blah or should I say naaaaaah.  Premise...The Morgans a separated couple, due to Grant's infidelity, are very successful New Yorkers.  When they both witness a murder they must be put in protective custody in Ray, Wyoming (a one stoplight town).  Hilarity ensues or actually it doesn't, im sure you can pretty much figure the plot out from here.   Their custody Marshall's played by Sam Elliot (oh Sam WTF are you doing in this turd) and Mary Steenburgen along twith the town help the Marshall's to reconcile while in protective custody.
The only bright spot in this entire movie is Wilford Brimley who plays a grumpy redneck cafe owner.  Avoid!

[wesfau2]

The Hurt Locker

Gotta disagree with our resident Ebert here.  While not what I would typically think the Academy would pick as Movie of the year. Frankly, because I usually have no interest in the Movie of the Year.  I thought hurt locker told a great story, and something that does probably ring true with some of our younger service men and women.  That being the adrenaline from battle and then the subsequent return home to the mundane existence.  I really didn't notice any anti war propaganda from our usually liberal Hollywood.  I recommend!

Agreed.

Did you Hear about the Morgans

Ok first off chick flick...which I knew going in, but sometimes you gotta bite the bullet.  I actually usually like the bumbling comedic routine of Hugh Grant who pretty much plays the same character in every romantic comedy, however this one was atrocious.  Sarah Jessica Parker....blah or should I say naaaaaah.  Premise...The Morgans a separated couple, due to Grant's infidelity, are very successful New Yorkers.  When they both witness a murder they must be put in protective custody in Ray, Wyoming (a one stoplight town).  Hilarity ensues or actually it doesn't, im sure you can pretty much figure the plot out from here.   Their custody Marshall's played by Sam Elliot (oh Sam WTF are you doing in this turd) and Mary Steenburgen along twith the town help the Marshall's to reconcile while in protective custody.
The only bright spot in this entire movie is Wilford Brimley who plays a grumpy redneck cafe owner.  Avoid!

You're officially a pussy.  You like Hugh Grant?  I fucking loooooooooooooathe that asshole.

[Godfather]

You're officially a pussy.  You like Hugh Grant?  I fucking loooooooooooooathe that asshole.

Says the guy who went to see Where the Wild Things Are on opening night.

[Townhallsavoy]

You're officially a pussy.  You like Hugh Grant?  I fucking loooooooooooooathe that asshole.

You mean, you don't, you know, well, jolly me, by, you, what I mean, oh what was I saying, oh yes, the question, quite right, yes, um, you don't, like the way, he, the actor, uh, um, Hugh Grant, like the way, he, um, studders, um, throughout, a, uh, film?