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Kaos' way behind movie reviews

chinook

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #2040 on: January 31, 2016, 10:02:05 AM »
Daddy's Home

Bored on a Saturday afternoon so me and mini decided to check it out.  Went in with low expectations.  Will Ferrell flicks are so hit and miss.  The trailer pretty much tells the story.  Ferrell plays the wimpy step dad and Wahlberg, the ex, shows up and they compete for hot wife/ex-wife.  First 30 minutes were filled with extreme meh.  However, it wound up being a pretty hilarious by movies' end. 

Ferrell's character was so over the top wimpy, it made you dislike him.  But the situations and some of the gags got better and better as the movie wore on.  A trip to the fertility doctor with the doc comparing Ferrell's and Wahlberg's junk, was damn funny.  Referred to Wahlberg's perfectly shaped, enormous balls as twin Patrick Stewarts.  Thomas Haden Church and Hannibal Buress really helped pick up the comedy level.

Kaos?
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Michael2

Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #2041 on: January 31, 2016, 08:42:59 PM »
I am also hoping they bring Cosmo, the Russian space dog, back in the sequel. :fu:


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« Last Edit: February 01, 2016, 08:53:50 PM by Michael2 »
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djsimp

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #2042 on: January 31, 2016, 11:12:17 PM »
I am also hoping they bring Cosmo, the Russian space dog, back in the sequel. :fu:

 :404:
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Kaos

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #2043 on: January 31, 2016, 11:57:44 PM »
The Boy
Always looking for a good horror movie. Always breaking my own "PG-13 is going to suck" rule. 

This was PG-13.  While it didn't exactly suck, it meandered to the end, packing the only real action into the final ten minutes, long after you've lost interest. 

Maggie from Walking Dead (can't decide if she's super hot or not) carries this film as an American escaping an abusive relationship by taking a job as a nanny at an English manor.  No explanation of how she learned of the odd job, the film opens with her already on the way. 

She meets a friendly neighborhood grocer who immediately begins to make moves on her.  She meets the elderly family that owns the manner.  And she meets their precocious, mischevious eight-year old son. Who just happens to be a doll.

Is the house haunted? Is the doll alive? Are the old couple insane?  All is revealed -- slowly -- and some of it just doesn't make sense. 

Maggie's (I think her name in the movie was Greta) turn from disbelief to absolute conviction was a little abrupt, as was her "I want you -- no I don't -- yes I do -- no I don't" pecking with the friendly grocery boy. 

A really dumb sidebar about the abusive ex-boyfriend led to the final denouement, but I could have done without his leaden and off-key performance.  He was completely out of place in the film.  Could have gotten to the same place without him. 

Not going to spoil it for the one or two of you who may decide to go see this or download it or whatever.  The eventual reveal wasn't something I expected, but it actually created more questions than it answered.  It made the movie dumber due to the events leading up to it. 

Maggie doesn't get close to naked, if that's of any concern.  I have heard that Walking Dead's Beth does in some other movies, but I haven't seen it.
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Godfather

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #2044 on: February 01, 2016, 09:17:45 AM »
The Boy
Always looking for a good horror movie. Always breaking my own "PG-13 is going to suck" rule. 

This was PG-13.  While it didn't exactly suck, it meandered to the end, packing the only real action into the final ten minutes, long after you've lost interest. 

Maggie from Walking Dead (can't decide if she's super hot or not) carries this film as an American escaping an abusive relationship by taking a job as a nanny at an English manor.  No explanation of how she learned of the odd job, the film opens with her already on the way. 

She meets a friendly neighborhood grocer who immediately begins to make moves on her.  She meets the elderly family that owns the manner.  And she meets their precocious, mischevious eight-year old son. Who just happens to be a doll.

Is the house haunted? Is the doll alive? Are the old couple insane?  All is revealed -- slowly -- and some of it just doesn't make sense. 

Maggie's (I think her name in the movie was Greta) turn from disbelief to absolute conviction was a little abrupt, as was her "I want you -- no I don't -- yes I do -- no I don't" pecking with the friendly grocery boy. 

A really dumb sidebar about the abusive ex-boyfriend led to the final denouement, but I could have done without his leaden and off-key performance.  He was completely out of place in the film.  Could have gotten to the same place without him. 

Not going to spoil it for the one or two of you who may decide to go see this or download it or whatever.  The eventual reveal wasn't something I expected, but it actually created more questions than it answered.  It made the movie dumber due to the events leading up to it. 

Maggie doesn't get close to naked, if that's of any concern.  I have heard that Walking Dead's Beth does in some other movies, but I haven't seen it.

Fun fact:
Maggie...aka Lauren Cohen actually shows nipple and slight boobage from Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj.
Beth ...aka Emily Kinney gets nekkid in Showtime Series Masters of Sex.
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chinook

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #2045 on: February 01, 2016, 12:17:55 PM »
Quote
Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj

huh?
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Godfather

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #2046 on: February 01, 2016, 12:26:22 PM »
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Snaggletiger

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #2047 on: February 06, 2016, 12:07:19 AM »
Snagette: Know what we're doing tonight?

Snags: What

Going to a movie

What movie?

The Choice

What's The Choice?

A Nicolas Sparks film

Aww HELL no!

You have no choice.  Now grab my purse and let's go.

Ooohhh do I have to?

Shut up and get in the truck.


If you've never been subjected to a uterus flick by Nicolas Sparks....run and hide if your woman suggests it.  The only up side?  Pretty funny dialogue. Incredible scenery set in the low country of presumably, South Carolina.  Not a half bad first hour.  Then....it happens.  The thing I had always heard about with Nicolas Sparks stories.  You go from sappy love story to.....a coma.  Depression.  Sawdust falling constantly from the ceiling into your eyes.  Asking yourself how in the Sam Freaking Hell could I be tearing up in this stupid movie I don't even want to be at?  It's dark.  Wipe your eyes where no one will notice.  Promise yourself you'll stick a fork in your own thigh if you start it again during the next scene. Oh hell, here it goes again.

The Choice. That's my review.
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Kaos

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #2048 on: February 06, 2016, 12:33:03 PM »
Snagette: Know what we're doing tonight?

Snags: What

Going to a movie

What movie?

The Choice

What's The Choice?

A Nicolas Sparks film

Aww HELL no!

You have no choice.  Now grab my purse and let's go.

Ooohhh do I have to?

Shut up and get in the truck.


If you've never been subjected to a uterus flick by Nicolas Sparks....run and hide if your woman suggests it.  The only up side?  Pretty funny dialogue. Incredible scenery set in the low country of presumably, South Carolina.  Not a half bad first hour.  Then....it happens.  The thing I had always heard about with Nicolas Sparks stories.  You go from sappy love story to.....a coma.  Depression.  Sawdust falling constantly from the ceiling into your eyes.  Asking yourself how in the Sam Freaking Hell could I be tearing up in this stupid movie I don't even want to be at?  It's dark.  Wipe your eyes where no one will notice.  Promise yourself you'll stick a fork in your own thigh if you start it again during the next scene. Oh hell, here it goes again.

The Choice. That's my review.

Burn your man card.
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Snaggletiger

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #2049 on: February 06, 2016, 01:13:39 PM »
Burn your man card.

I thought I was going to have to until I got there and saw several guys I know trying to look unconspicuous, pulling the hat down low and the collar up. 

Hey Randall, whatchu here to see?

Oh...umm....uh...Star Wars.  Yeah, Star Wars.

Wait, wasn't that you walking out of The Choice just ahead of me?

The Choi...what?...Nooo....The Choice?  You thought I was..

Yeah, that was you. Stop lying.

Alright fine.  She made me go.  You tell anybody and I'll....

No worries.  Remember?  I was in there too?  Wait..were you crying?
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My doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating.  I asked him why, and he said, "because I'm trying to examine you."

Kaos

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #2050 on: February 07, 2016, 02:05:56 AM »
The Diabolical

Ali Larter is about to be 40.  She's relatively pretty but not breathtaking (like Amber Heard can be).  She briefly bumps and grinds with an Indian. Not the woo-woo type of Indian.

Thus ends my review of this movie. 
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chinook

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #2051 on: February 07, 2016, 01:12:39 PM »
The Choice

the skirt:  leaving at 8 with Jane to see The Choice.

nook:  have fun. kids get ready for bed...dad and the dog are watching Band of Brothers - Points

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Snaggletiger

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #2052 on: February 07, 2016, 02:15:03 PM »
The Choice

the skirt:  leaving at 8 with Jane to see The Choice.

nook:  have fun. kids get ready for bed...dad and the dog are watching Band of Brothers - Points

10:30 Nook:  How was the movie?

Skirt: Fine (Door slams)

Nook gets blanket from closet and curls up with dog.
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My doctor told me I needed to stop masturbating.  I asked him why, and he said, "because I'm trying to examine you."

Jumbo

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #2053 on: February 08, 2016, 02:35:10 AM »
10:30 Nook:  How was the movie?

Skirt: Fine (Door slams)

Nook gets blanket from closet and curls up with dog.
I'm gonna have to watch that bullshit soon  :facepalm:
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #2054 on: February 08, 2016, 11:36:15 AM »
10:30 Nook:  How was the movie?

Skirt: Fine (Door slams)

Nook gets blanket from closet and curls up with dog.

He likes his wife....he loves the dog.
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chinook

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #2055 on: February 08, 2016, 11:41:42 AM »
I'm gonna have to watch that bullshit soon  :facepalm:

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Saniflush

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #2056 on: February 08, 2016, 02:02:18 PM »
He likes his wife....he loves the dog.

Well it's his dog.
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"Hey my friends are the ones that wanted to eat at that shitty hole in the wall that only served bread and wine.  What kind of brick and mud business model is that.  Stick to the cart if that's all you're going to serve.  Then that dude came in with like 12 other people, and some of them weren't even wearing shoes, and the restaurant sat them right across from us. It was gross, and they were all stinky and dirty.  Then dude starts talking about eating his body and drinking his blood...I almost lost it.  That's the last supper I'll ever have there, and I hope he dies a horrible death."

CCTAU

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #2057 on: February 12, 2016, 12:16:30 AM »
Didn't see one for 13 Hours.


Helluva movie. Shows how shitty the great ONE's administration really is!
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2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.
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4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it.
5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friends, is the beginning of the end of any nation.

Kaos

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #2058 on: February 12, 2016, 01:06:01 AM »
Didn't see one for 13 Hours.


Helluva movie. Shows how shitty the great ONE's administration really is!

I want to see it badly.  Can't get anybody to go with me.
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Kaos

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #2059 on: February 14, 2016, 10:24:57 AM »
The Last Witch Hunter

The only way this movie would have been tolerable is if it had been titled "The Last Movie Vin Diesel Will Ever Make Unless He is Playing a Tree."  The tagline should be "That Weasel Worm Elijah Woods is Done, Too!"

The movie was a muddled mish mash of witch and witch hunter stuff. It could have been okay if it had made any sense, but it chose to inject convenient contrivances whenever needed and fumble around with mumbo jumbo far too often.

Most powerful witch of all time and you get into a sword battle with her?  Seems like she'd just magic the sword away or something. Movies that rely on magical elements have always struggled to make sense to me because there inevitably seems to be an inconsistent application of powers. No different here.

But that's not the biggest problem here.  Vin Diesel is one of the worst actors I've ever seen.  His facial grimaces that are supposed to pass for emotion are so forced and phony that you can't tell if he's happy or struggling to keep a turtle turd contained.  He mumbles every line in an off-kilter monotone that destroys whatever motivation it is intended to convey. His inflection is so bad you, again, can't determine if he's angry, happy, in agony or eating oatmeal. He's like a big drunken bull let loose in an office building, bumbling through scene after scene and making a horrible shit-caked mess. I won't watch anything else he's ever in (except Guardians of the Galaxy).

Compounding the affront here is the presence of the wussy Elijah Wood. Another horrible actor whose emotional range varies between squeaking frightened mouse and wimpy pussified gerbil.  Like Diesel, his facial expressions make it hard to decipher what emotion he's attempting to convey and his inflection is so off that he comes off as a puss and nothing more.  Zero presence at all. 

The film completely wastes Michael Caine (who will appear in any movie for a dollar it seems).  His presence only serves to reinforce just how spectacularly shitty Diesel and Wood both are. 

Rose "You Know Nothing Jon Snow" is essentially a non-starter, completely failing to move the needle in this effort. 


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