OK, so I ditched work at lunch yesterday and went to see Twilight: New Moon. It was the only 11:30am movie besides Alvin & The Chipmunks, and I am taking the kids to see that Saturday.
I have read the first three Twilight books, and seen the first movie on DVD, and other than overwhelming teen angst and self esteem issues on the part of the lead actress, Bella I get what the obsession is all about. Star crossed lovers, good versus evil,
incredibly hot guy telling you that he cannot live without you, that you are his life now, that you are his own personal brand of heroin... and he is not trying to get in your pants. It made my heart flutter with the Romeo-and-Juliet-ness of it all. She is ageing every day, he is forever seventeen. Very clean, no sex, only a few sweet kissing scenes, lots of long, languid, drawn out sigh filled anguished looks at one another... totally appeals to the romantic in nearly any woman, regardless of age.
New Moon was a pretty good, light read. Again, she could have cut out about a hundred pages of self esteem stuff and teen angst, but if kids are reading a 300+ page book, so much the better. And the second romantic character gets introduced – the werewolf is the other man, so to speak, second to the vampire, who has left Bella “for her own good”. Nothing like a good love triangle to get the romance vibes flowing. So I was looking forward to the movie, a sweet, vapid, romantic distraction.
I figured the place would be relatively empty. Instead, I got the last seat in the decent section.
And it was mostly women my age.
And when the klutzy Bella falls and cuts open her head, and Jacob, the seventeen year old werewolf guy (Taylor Lautner), stands up and removes his shirt to stop the bleeding, all the oxygen was sucked out of the room as every woman in the place inhaled sharply.
Including yours truly.
Holy shit.
And it just got better after that. Now that he is a werewolf, Jacob has a body temp of 108 degrees, which removes the need for him to wear a shirt. Even in the rain. And it rains a lot in Forks, WA. I may move there.
As an added bonus, as Edward (Robert Pattinson) is trying to kill himself at the end of the movie because he thinks Bella is dead, he strips off his shirt and starts to step into the sunlight.
Never has pasty white skin looked so awesome.
I left that movie, as they say, “all het up” – and that just does not happen to me. I am just not like that – give me real life any day. Especially over the most current tweeny obsession. But there I was, all hot and bothered and no relief in sight. Plus, I had to come back to work, just in time for staff meeting, and pretend to give a damn and a half about some stupid contract in Peru, all while my head is spinning with lustful thoughts of guys to whom I could technically have given birth (as a young teenager…)
But I did not care. Not one little bit. Call me cougar… Could care less.
And after we take our kids to see The Chipmunks on Saturday while our husbands watch football, my friend Becky and I are going to bring the kids back home to her house, drop them off with their fathers, and return to the theater to see Twilight: New Moon.
Again.
Carl may have a very nice weekend.
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