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Kaos' way behind movie reviews

Kaos

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #1100 on: April 18, 2012, 08:23:09 PM »
The Conspirator
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0968264/

Solid cast with James McAvoy, Robin Wright, Kevin Kline, Alexis Biedel, Evan Rachel Wood, Milton Waddams from Office Space and Darryl from Walking Dead. 

Directed by Robert Redford. 

Tried to wring pathos from the story of Mary Surratt who was hanged as part of the reaction to the assassination of Lincoln.  She was charged with conspiring to murder him and/or treason or something.  Wright was Surratt and McAvoy her attorney Fred Aiken.

The problem?  Despite the stellar cast, Redford kept the emotional shackles clamped tightly down.  Wright was terribly bland and I found myself not caring a bit about her eventual fate because she didn't care much.  McAvoy was restrained and his drive to defend a woman who assisted so little in her own defense and at such personal cost to his character seemed forced.  There was never a compelling reason to support her and his emotional turn fell flat.

Wood and Biedel were also tepid and useless. 

The pace was too slow, the emotional handwringing seemed contrived and every actor in the piece (even Milton) seemed to be sleepwalking through it. 

There was a similarity to the Trayvon story that has been so prevalent lately in that Mary Surratt was guilty before she stepped foot in the courtroom.  The verdict was pre-determined and even as McAvoy fought his way up the chain higher ups in the government had decided that she was going to be executed, evidence be damned.  The government, personified in this film by Kline's Secretary of War Stanton, bowed to public outrage and made sure she went to the gallows.  It took the suspension of a writ by President Johnson to accomplish it, but hanged she was.

And I didn't care. 

That's sort of how I see this Zimmerman thing going.  Since the Muslim Benefactor has already expressed his outrage and rushed to judgment I can easily see his conviction being pushed down from the top to appease the angry mob.  Hell with freedoms. 

And still this movie didn't make me care.
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Kaos

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #1101 on: April 18, 2012, 08:40:08 PM »
Welcome to The Rileys
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1183923/

James Gandolfini will always be Tony Soprano to me.  He's locked in that cage for life.  He tried very hard to pull off a performance as a mild-mannered plumbing salesman (or something) from Indiana who struggled with grief over the death of his daughter, had an affair with a black waffle waitress and then tried -- and sort of failed -- to rescue a whorish runaway in New Orleans by walking away from his entire life and integrating himself in hers.  No sex please.

Kristen Stewart will always be a vapid bitch to me.  She has a thimble full of talent and carries herself as if she's doing the world a favor by dragging her schlumpy, ugly ass on the screen.  Never been impressed with her in anything she's done.  Here she tried to take on the role of the filthy, foul mouthed street whore with a heart of gold.  Or at least bronze.  She was fair, but her performance just didn't resonate.  And her ass is ugly too. 

The story was filled with improbabilities. 

A woman with extreme agoraphobia gets in the car and drives from Indy to NOLA and chats up strangers in a truck stop?

A runaway hooker lets some random guy move in with her and start ordering her around?

Some random guy wants to surrender his life to a trashy hooker but won't even take a gratis bj?  Seriously? 

This movie, like Conspirator, tried extremely hard to set emotional hooks but couldn't quite pull it off.  Tony, for all his Soprano menace/angst, couldn't reach far enough to bring the right level of despair and despondency to his character.  After seeing him in a variety of other roles I really don't think he has anything in the tank other than Tony.  He should have embraced that character and ridden it as long as the series could possibly last rather than bucking against the role he was meant to play. 
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Kaos

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #1102 on: April 19, 2012, 08:39:02 AM »

The Double
Richard Gere and Topher Grace in a spy thriller with roots in the Cold War era. 

Richard Gere.
Topher Grace.
Spy thriller. 

Fail.

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #1103 on: April 21, 2012, 05:27:44 PM »
Kick-Ass

I could have sworn that Kaos reviewed this one, but a search of the site reveals only this entry:

Quote
Kick Ass - Good potential, but how many times have you seen movie studios fuck up good potential.  Strike one here is Nicktheass Cage.  Strike two is Nicktheass Cage.  It's got a 1 in 3 chance of living up to its premise. 

I avoided the movie because the trailers made it seem as though it were made for children (pint-sized costumed avengers). 

This movie is not for children.  Gory violence and harsh language abound.  I was way more entertained than I thought I would be.  Cage does suck, per usual, but the rest of the cast (nobodies except for McLovin, the kid from Hot Tub Time Machine and Gramma from Rounders) makes it really enjoyable.

Worth an hour and a half of your time, but no cinematic masterpiece.
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #1104 on: April 21, 2012, 11:09:43 PM »
Kick-Ass

I could have sworn that Kaos reviewed this one, but a search of the site reveals only this entry:

I avoided the movie because the trailers made it seem as though it were made for children (pint-sized costumed avengers). 

This movie is not for children.  Gory violence and harsh language abound.  I was way more entertained than I thought I would be.  Cage does suck, per usual, but the rest of the cast (nobodies except for McLovin, the kid from Hot Tub Time Machine and Gramma from Rounders) makes it really enjoyable.

Worth an hour and a half of your time, but no cinematic masterpiece.

I thought it was decent. You need to see Super, same premise but I thought better done.


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Kaos

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #1105 on: April 22, 2012, 12:42:10 AM »
Liked Kick Ass.  Watched it twice. 

But...

Lonely Heart

John Travolta, James Gandolfini, Salma Hayek.

Grifters allow their schemes to go haywire and the cops are on the hunt. 

I'm cycling through Gandolfini roles trying to see if he's got life after Sopranos.  Based on what I've seen so far?  Not a chance. 

Terrible toupe, worse acting in this 2006 thriller.   Travolta was his usually shitty self, quite possibly the worst actor of this generation.  He's had some outstanding roles -- Tony in Saturday Night Fever and Vincent in Pulp Fiction -- but is an absolute grimacing turd in everything else I've ever seen him in.  He's at his absolute unconvincing worst in this slow-moving film that swings and misses at every emotional hook it tries to set. 

Salma isn't convincing in her role.  Travolta is spectacularly shitty.  Gandolfini --  in an awful hairpiece and ill-fitting clothes -- was the worst of all. 
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Kaos

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #1106 on: April 22, 2012, 12:51:45 AM »
The Cabin in the Woods

Like horror movies.  Like zombies, werewolves, ghosts and demented characters. Like movies that have unexpected twists.  Like movies that find humor in odd places.  Like redheaded heroines.

Why then did this movie not quite get me there?

It was flooded with gore and met the requisite horror movie standards -- young chicks, some action, some boobs, some blood.

It had its share of odd characters including some zombies and werewolves.

It had unexpected twists.

It found plenty of humor in weird places -- for instance a girl making out with a moose that might have actually been a wolf. 

The heroine was red headed, pretty, big-eyed and strutted around in panties during the opening. 

I think the problem with this film is that it never found balance.  It never settled into any genre long enough to get you invested.  Was it a comedy?  A thriller? A horror flick?  A gore-fest?  A futuristic puzzle?   In trying to be all of those things it ended up being none of them and left me flat. 

It's like a really hot girl takes off her clothes and you find out her entire rack is the result of a pushup bra and two pairs of socks, her sexy blonde hair is nothing but extensions and clips, her ass is a butt pad and she's never trimmed the hedges.  It's ok, but you just don't have the same enthusiasm you hoped to bring to it. 
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Jumbo

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #1107 on: April 22, 2012, 04:26:41 AM »
If you haven't read the book Hunger Game is amazing! If you've read the books it was anti-climatic.
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wesfau2

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #1108 on: April 22, 2012, 08:31:36 PM »
The Haunted World of El Superbeasto

For the Rob Zombie fans on the board.  I'd never heard of Zombie's comic book aspirations but ran across this on Netflix today.  Weird, funny and raunchy.  A fun way to kill an hour and a half.
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Kaos

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #1109 on: May 03, 2012, 10:25:08 AM »
Avatar

Was on FX.  Watched about 25 minutes of this.  Utterly fucking ridiculous.  Most idiotic thing I've ever seen.  Turned it off shaking my head at the collective stupidity of the populace. 

"unobtainium" Please.  What an insult.

There was nothing to appreciate in this shitty CGI fucksterpiece.  Garbage, pure and simple. 
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wesfau2

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #1110 on: May 03, 2012, 10:28:45 AM »
Avatar

Was on FX.  Watched about 25 minutes of this.  Utterly fucking ridiculous.  Most idiotic thing I've ever seen.  Turned it off shaking my head at the collective stupidity of the populace. 

"unobtainium" Please.  What an insult.

There was nothing to appreciate in this shitty CGI fucksterpiece.  Garbage, pure and simple.

I liked it better when it was called Dancing With Wolves.  Dumb fucking movie  with a ridiculously transparent plot and "message"...but it was visually appealing in 3D on the big screen.
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Saniflush

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #1111 on: May 03, 2012, 10:31:46 AM »
Avatar

Was on FX.  Watched about 25 minutes of this.  Utterly fucking ridiculous.  Most idiotic thing I've ever seen.  Turned it off shaking my head at the collective stupidity of the populace. 

"unobtainium" Please.  What an insult.

There was nothing to appreciate in this shitty CGI fucksterpiece.  Garbage, pure and simple.


I liked it better when Disney made it and called it Pocahontas.

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"Hey my friends are the ones that wanted to eat at that shitty hole in the wall that only served bread and wine.  What kind of brick and mud business model is that.  Stick to the cart if that's all you're going to serve.  Then that dude came in with like 12 other people, and some of them weren't even wearing shoes, and the restaurant sat them right across from us. It was gross, and they were all stinky and dirty.  Then dude starts talking about eating his body and drinking his blood...I almost lost it.  That's the last supper I'll ever have there, and I hope he dies a horrible death."

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #1112 on: May 03, 2012, 11:42:33 AM »
Someone talk to me about War Horse.  I don't remember it being talked about............search shows nothing.

Is it worth the rental?
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GH2001

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #1113 on: May 03, 2012, 01:33:37 PM »
Someone talk to me about War Horse.  I don't remember it being talked about............search shows nothing.

Is it worth the rental?

Everything Ive read says its a decent feel good type movie, much like Secretariat and Sea Biscuit in the horse genre. Maybe even to a lesser extent, Cinderella Man. It might be too feel good and cliche for some. Enjoy it for what it is - a decent, but not blockbuster movie.
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Saniflush

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #1114 on: May 03, 2012, 03:20:11 PM »
Someone talk to me about War Horse.  I don't remember it being talked about............search shows nothing.

Is it worth the rental?


Decent enough movie.  Not as good as Secretariat and Sea Biscuit since it's not based on a true story but you might can pass it off as a chick flick and get credit.
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"Hey my friends are the ones that wanted to eat at that shitty hole in the wall that only served bread and wine.  What kind of brick and mud business model is that.  Stick to the cart if that's all you're going to serve.  Then that dude came in with like 12 other people, and some of them weren't even wearing shoes, and the restaurant sat them right across from us. It was gross, and they were all stinky and dirty.  Then dude starts talking about eating his body and drinking his blood...I almost lost it.  That's the last supper I'll ever have there, and I hope he dies a horrible death."

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #1115 on: May 03, 2012, 03:39:19 PM »

Decent enough movie.  Not as good as Secretariat and Sea Biscuit since it's not based on a true story but you might can pass it off as a chick flick and get credit.

> 18 ...?
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Kaos

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #1116 on: May 10, 2012, 09:04:09 AM »
Contraband

Mark Wahlberg, Kate Beckinsale, the psychiatric dude from L&O/nazi from Oz, Ben Foster, the Amish kid from Witness, Giovanni Ribisi

What could go wrong?

Essentially everything.  Bad acting from all involved, particularly Walhberg and Beckinsale.  Worse acting from the Amish kid and Ben Foster.  Ridiculous plot lines, stupid wrap up, asinine setups, improbable/impossible resolutions. 

Thought this would be a fun, fast-moving story of revenge and redemption. It was instead sluggish and d.u.m.b dumb. 

Beckinsale was awful and didn't even look that good.

Very disappointed in this one. 
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Kaos

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #1117 on: May 11, 2012, 04:52:38 AM »
Dark Shadows

Had high hopes.  The trailers looked good and Depp seemed to be in his element as the quirky vampire.

Should have known that Tim Burton's stupid ass was the kiss of fucking death. 

The movie couldn't decide if it wanted to be a comedy or a drama and ended up doing neither well. 

It could have gone for campy and focused on the integration of a 1500s vampire into 1970s culture.  You saw the majority of that effort in the trailer.  Multiple opportunities for comedic social commentary were wasted.

It could have gone for a dramatic tale of resurrection and redemption.  It tried but failed in that attempt as well.

The script, other than a few Depp riffs (in the trailer), was hackneyed and ham fisted.  The performances from Michelle P, the ever present Bonham Carter and even Hit Girl were lazy and uninspired. 

As much as I love Depp I've begun to grow tired of seeing the same Edward Sparrowhands, Mad HatterWood  hand-flapping almost effeminate performance that Burton seems to draw from him. 

I fucking hate Tim Burton.  I don't think he's a creative genius of any sort and he's shit on a number of movies that had potential -- Batman (in retrospect), Alice in Blunderland, Planet of the Apes -- and now he bent over and evacuated his ridiculous bowels on Dark Shadows. 

I've finally learned.  I'm not going to spend money on another Burton helmed picture.  I hope that frizzy headed fuck retires and never makes another one. 
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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #1118 on: May 11, 2012, 08:47:46 AM »
Dark Shadows

Had high hopes.  The trailers looked good and Depp seemed to be in his element as the quirky vampire.

Should have known that Tim Burton's stupid ass was the kiss of fucking death. 

The movie couldn't decide if it wanted to be a comedy or a drama and ended up doing neither well. 

It could have gone for campy and focused on the integration of a 1500s vampire into 1970s culture.  You saw the majority of that effort in the trailer.  Multiple opportunities for comedic social commentary were wasted.

It could have gone for a dramatic tale of resurrection and redemption.  It tried but failed in that attempt as well.

The script, other than a few Depp riffs (in the trailer), was hackneyed and ham fisted.  The performances from Michelle P, the ever present Bonham Carter and even Hit Girl were lazy and uninspired. 

As much as I love Depp I've begun to grow tired of seeing the same Edward Sparrowhands, Mad HatterWood  hand-flapping almost effeminate performance that Burton seems to draw from him. 

I fucking hate Tim Burton.  I don't think he's a creative genius of any sort and he's shit on a number of movies that had potential -- Batman (in retrospect), Alice in Blunderland, Planet of the Apes -- and now he bent over and evacuated his ridiculous bowels on Dark Shadows. 

I've finally learned.  I'm not going to spend money on another Burton helmed picture.  I hope that frizzy headed fuck retires and never makes another one.

This is disappointing
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GH2001

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Re: Kaos' way behind movie reviews
« Reply #1119 on: May 11, 2012, 09:25:59 AM »
A couple I caught on Netflix this week:

Evidence of Blood - pretty decent, from 1998. Had Mary McDonnell (from Blue Chips and Dancing with Wolves). Interesting plot that could have taken several directions. Small town murder mystery kind of thing going on. Decent acting, good plot. Not the worst way to kill 2 hours.

The New Daughter - this was from a couple of years ago, had Kevin Costner in it and was labeled as a Supernatural Thriller so thought I would check it out. Started out decent enough, had an interesting plot until about the middle of the movie. Then it went off into LAA LAA land with talk of mythology and gods have a need to survive through young girls. I lost interest the last 30 mins. It started out well then went down a notch and fizzled.
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