Coach Gene "Chuck Norris" Chizizms

[Snaggletiger]

If you have five dollars and Gene Chizik has five dollars, Gene Chizik has more money than you. 
  There is no 'ctrl' button on Gene Chizik's computer. Gene Chizik is always in control. 
   Apple pays Gene Chizik 99 cents every time he listens to a song. 
  Gene Chizik can sneeze with his eyes open. 
  Gene Chizik can eat just one Lay's potato chip. 
  Gene Chizik is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you. 
  Gene Chizik destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise. 
  Gene Chizik can kill two stones with one bird.

 

[The Prowler]

 

[Pell City Tiger]

Gene Chizik can eat just one Lay's potato chip. 

Winner!

[Talon]

Gene Chizik' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Gene Chizik counted to infinity - twice.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Gene Chizik.

Gene Chizik invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

And the best for last...
They once made a Gene Chizik toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.

[Pell City Tiger]

Chizik’s family crest is a picture of a baracudda eating Neil Armstrong.

[The Prowler]

Chizik’s family crest is a picture of a baracudda eating Neil Armstrong.

 

[Townhallsavoy]

Gene Chizik doesn't sleep; he waits. 

Evolution doesn't exist.  There are only animals that Chizik allowed to live.

Gene Chizik can slam a revolving door. 

When Gene Chizik does a push up, he doesn't push himself up.  He pushes the earth down. 

[The Prowler]

Jesus Christ walks on water, but Gene Chizik swims through land.

[Snaggletiger]

Gene Chizik's mother did not give birth.  Gene Chizik roundhouse kicked his way out of the womb...then he grew a prominent chin.

[War Eagle!!!]

then he grew a prominent chin.

I chortled