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[Thrilla]

Shamwow vs. Zorbeez: Which works Better? As Seen On TV Lab Test

The Claim:
In a radio interview on Feb. 10, 2009, infomercial superstar Billy Mays claimed that the popular Shamwow has trod on the turf of Zorbeez, a super-absorbent towel he promoted in a separate infomercial about two years prior.

Zorbeez is the most absorbent towel in the world, Mays said in the interview. Vince, host of the Shamwow ad, has now "unleashed and woken up the sleeping giant," Mays said, suggesting the two settle the score via a "pitch-off." Mays predicted the outcome: "Shampow!"

Mays said Vince tried apologizing over e-mail, to which he replied, apology not accepted. "Don't knock Billy Mays off," Mays said. "Don't take my products. I take it personally. And I'm gonna take 'em back." He added, "Zorbeez was mine."

"Billy Mays doesn't take this," Mays said. "I am the ultimate pitchman."

In conclusion, Mays rapped, "I ain't the Beastie Boys or Run DMC. I'm Billy Mays, I'm gonna knock you … down to your knees!"   If we still had the :chizad: emoticon...it would go here...

The Test:
We put the rival rags head-to-head in a spill test of some blueberry beer we had lying around. We also soaked snow puddles and clocked drying times.


The Verdict:
Shamwow, by a mile.


The Details:
Immediately out of the package, the burnt-orange Zorbeez looked a bit listless compared to the vibrant Shamwow. It had probably been sitting on a shelf a bit longer—it is a few years past its infomercial prime—but even so, its fleecy surface sparkled like fiberglass insulation.

After the first champagne flute tipped, though, it became clear that the Zorbeez was outgunned on this one. The Shamwow soaked three paper towels' worth of blueberry beer on a single swipe, but the Zorbeez pushed the liquid off the edge of the table. We sopped and wiped with both sides of the Zorbeez, but a single stroke of the Shamwow chugged the beer with fratboyish speed. We threw each rag into two deck chairs wet with puddles of melted snow—the Zorbeez sloshed some out on the ground while the Shamwow sucked it up as if with a straw. Disclosure: we actually caught ourselves whispering "wow" while the Shamwow worked—and as our earlier tests proved, that's no guarantee.

The Zorbeez measures 19-1/4 x 27-1/4 inches. The Shamwow, at 19 x 23 inches, soaks more despite its smaller size. A cold-water rinse of the beer-soaked rags caused heavy saturation of the Zorbeez, but the Shamwow sprung back after wringing and seemed to have already shed most of the moisture. Dry times in the sun proved otherwise—after 5 hours in cool air, the Zorbeez had become dryer than the damp Shamwow, though neither clammy rag felt ready for storage. After one use, the Zorbeez began shedding fibrous blonde tufts, while the Shamwow retained its rubbery integrity. Both products smelled awful.

The Bottom Line:
If you have reusable cloth rags (and a roll of paper towels for backup), then neither product is necessary.

But we have a proper duel on our hands, and somebody's got to get "Shampowed." PM crowns Vince the new king of the rag ads. Sorry, Billy, but to the victor go the spills. —Harry Sawyers

http://www.popularmechanics.com/blogs/home_journal_news/4309587.html

Blanket with Sleeves Grudge Match: Slanket vs. Snuggie

You may have seen the TV commercial for the Snuggie “Blanket with Sleeves” that makes you look like you’ve just taken vows of poverty and chastity. But, as many readers pointed out in my last post, the Snuggie is actually a rip-off of an earlier product called the “Slanket.”

The Slanket was created by Gary Clegg in 1998 when he was a freshman in college. The following clip shows Clegg promoting the Slanket on QVC.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXxYgG4U18M&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww%2Einfomercial%2Dhell%2Ecom%2Fblog%2F2008%2F11%2F25%2Fblanket%2Dwith%2Dsleeves%2Dgrudge%2Dmatch%2Dslanket%2Dvs%2Dsnuggie%2F&feature=player_embedded


(The above video was from a Style network show called The Dish, which is a lame rip-off of The Soup. My apologies.)

Maybe it is just me but looking at Gary Clegg and hearing his story puts me in mind of granola and Burning Man and bong water. On his website he wrote:

Besides creating a product to make people comfortable and warm, our life goals are not to accumulate mansions, SUV’s, expensive watches and closets just for shoes. What we want in life is to travel the world and experience all its cultures while representing humanity positively. Whether surfing in Costa Rica, snowboarding in Austria, or studying language in South America and China, we love to spread our sleeves and let them flap in the wind, giving back in the process.

So it is no wonder the Snuggie marketing department is kicking his ass!

In contrast, when I look at the Snuggie marketing efforts, I get the impression that their target customer is a Midwestern mom reading Parade magazine in the stands at her kid’s soccer game before she hurries home to cook a tuna-noodle casserole.

If you take a look at both the Slanket and the Snuggie one difference that stands out is that the Slanket actually looks like a big blanket whereas the Snuggie makes you look like you are returning from the evening vespers at your monestary—or that you have just been brainwashed into joining an apocalyptic cult.

The Slanket, however, still gives the people wearing it a strange appearance. Slanket hides your body and turns you into an amorphous blob, much like a cheap ghost costume where you just put a sheet over yourself. But this is freakier because a human head is popping out of it. Maybe the impression given is just that of a severed human head and hands. Or maybe some kind of rejected Sid & Marty Krofft character.

On the plus side, all the promotional photos of the Slanket show the people wearing it to be either sitting or recumbent on a couch. Unlike the folks at Snuggie, they never encourage people to take their lives in their hands by wearing this thing in public.

http://www.infomercial-hell.com/blog/2008/11/25/blanket-with-sleeves-grudge-match-slanket-vs-snuggie/

And now you fucking know, bitches.

[CCTAU]

There are two things wrong with this duel.

First, they used blueberry beer? What the hell is blueberry beer? And why would a man ever touch it unless it is to get her drunk enough?

Second. It is still beer. And who in their right mind wastes beer?

So I have to give the duel a thumbs down. Next time just go totally gay and use white zinfindel.