Happy Birthday, Chuck Norrisby Mike Krumboltz "The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain."On your feet, slackers. Tuesday is Chuck Norris' 69th birthday. The macho star of such mind-blowing epics as "Slaughter in San Francisco" and "Lone Wolf McQuade" has made a career out of looking tough and kicking butt... all while rockin' a serious mullet. "Chuck Norris puts the 'laughter' in 'manslaughter.'"Over the years, Mr. Norris (we dare not call him Chuck) has built up a dedicated fan base in the Search box. "Chuck Norris facts" are particularly popular. For those who are unaware, these are "Paul Bunyanesque exaggerations" of Norris' powers. They became a popular online joke several years ago and are still a source of amusement for many. An example: "Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits." Another: "Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried." You get the point."Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas."In honor of a guy who scares the hell out of the boogieman, we tried our best to track down the origin of the Chuck Norris fact phenomenon. Near as we can tell, a site called the "Chuck Norris Fact Generator" deserves the credit. Started by a college student named Ian Spector, the site started small, went viral, and sparked a lot of imitators. It's still out there fighting the good fight by raising Norris awareness. Oh, and the "facts" were also a longtime joke on "Late Night With Conan O'Brien," but we believe the site came first. If we have that wrong, may Chuck Norris have mercy on our souls."Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience."Mr. Norris has commented on the facts, saying, "Some are funny. Some are pretty far out." And sometimes, it's hard to tell the "facts" from the facts. Regardless, have a happy birthday, Mr. Norris. And please don't hurt us.
chuck is has a pussy.
Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter semen from 100 seamen.
thanks for noticing Thrilla. Oh wait, you didn't. Fuck all of yous.
Happy Birthday...I refuse to post on Thrilla's other gay-ass topic in your honor.
Why do you hate birthday beefcakes?
May you receive a swift roundhouse kick to testicular region.
12 Replies
2508 Views