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Do You Know Your Head Coach?

Do You Know Your Head Coach?
« on: January 16, 2009, 05:49:59 PM »
(My first attempt at an article.  First real writing I've done since Dr. Hammersmith's Shakespeare class two years ago) 

Do you know your head coach?


Auburn is approaching the end of month number one with Gene Chizik, but how well can an Auburn fan describe him?  "Who is Gene Chizik?" is a question that many may find difficult to answer.  What's known about him so far is that his last name can be tweaked into funny nicknames.  Coach Cheeze, Cheeze-It, Cheesy - pretty much any condescending slur that deals with cheese.  He now sports glasses that dangle on the end of his nose.  It needs to be added that he seemingly had perfect vision while in Ames.  He's also had the lifelong dream of coaching at Auburn University. 

Any other ideas? 

Gene Chizik is an unknown personality.  He's a cryptogram.  He really is some form of an anomaly.  Somehow, the man who managed to lose 19 games in two years including a streak of 10 in a row has reeled in top coaches from the "up and coming" line.  Luper, Trooper, and Malzahn have all been discussed for other openings around the country.  Ted Roof is a solid coach who has plenty of experience.  Tracy Rocker didn't have to leave the Ole Miss gig.  They're primed for a big time season next year which could help vault his reputation around the country.  So why give up good jobs to move hundreds of miles away to a little village on the plains? 

Would money be the ultimate deciding factor in your life?  Most people and most coaches say "yes."  However, Auburn may not be the best long term financial investment for these coaches.  Chizik has the reputation as a head coach as being a loser.  He's the France of college football.  Out of 119 programs, Iowa St was one of the few that continued to fall down the list.  So how would the idea of working in Chizik's program be a long term financial investment?  These coaches may have cashed in a lottery ticket for the next few years, but if the ship sinks, so do the sailors.  My advisor says to keep the good job that polishes my resume so that when a promotion arises, it's mine for the taking.  Trooper Taylor was on a one-way course for a coordinator position.  Luper would have needed a few more years, but his recruiting prowess would surely be enough to get him a better job at Oklahoma State or another school.  Ted Roof was on his way to helping Minnesota establish itself as a top 5 Big 10 program.  Tracy Rocker could have won an SEC title at Ole Miss, but he may be the exception.  He has orange and blue blood.  So what is it about Gene Chizik that made them WOW on the inside?

There's something amiss about our head coach.  From 5-19 to top SEC program.  From bottom of the barrel to Captain of the Warship.  Some coaches around the country portray their personality that can handle being the big man on the big campus.  Steve Spurrier is known for his fancy offense and his ability to speak his mind whenever he feels like it.  He has the audacity to refer to fellow SEC coaches as "Ray Goof" and also the audacity to ask a future hall-of-fame QB if he had fun in the Citrus Bowl every year.  Pete Carroll plays pranks on his players.  He smiles in front of the thousand cameras he allows on campus, and he treats every game as if it were the hot party of the evening.  Nick Saban is the heartless tyrant who thrashes reporters and works until midnight on Christmas Eve.  Those coaches put on a show for the world.  Anyone can see them and say, "I like this guy" or "I don't like this guy."   Any one can see why they are or will be successful.  That's why coaches flock to them.  That's why recruits flock to them. 

So, who is Gene Chizik?  What is he like when the office door is open?  Not many can say considering he's done one press conference.  However, one thing is for sure: whoever he is, he knows how to attract people to his program.  Whether or not it all works out is another unknown, but it's a damned good start. 
« Last Edit: January 16, 2009, 06:07:16 PM by townhallsavoy »
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The Guy That Knows Nothing of Hyperbole

Re: Do You Know Your Head Coach?
« Reply #1 on: January 16, 2009, 05:56:57 PM »
Good opinion column.  I'd strike the "jizz" references, make the pics smaller, or even eliminate them for actual "words", and roll with it.   

We'll see what the powers that be dictate.

Good read though.  :thumbsup:
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Re: Do You Know Your Head Coach?
« Reply #2 on: January 16, 2009, 06:10:31 PM »
Good opinion column.  I'd strike the "jizz" references, make the pics smaller, or even eliminate them for actual "words", and roll with it.   

We'll see what the powers that be dictate.

Good read though.  :thumbsup:

Thanks.  And yeah, I took out the jizz stuff.  Sadly, that's what a few guys that I work with call him.  Coach Jizzy and Coach Jizz-ick. 

I'm going to keep the pics for now though.  I like them, and I see that they need to be smaller, but I don't know how to do all that.  I had it in my head to place them so that they weren't in the way. 
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Greaseyweasel

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Re: Do You Know Your Head Coach?
« Reply #3 on: January 17, 2009, 02:18:42 AM »
You left out cheze-dick, chizpanzee and the artist formerly known as prince. Also you need to point out that any program that uses its understaff to prop up a head coach is headed for doom.
What is the over/under on how long he last? I say 7 games max.
Fuck chizpanzee... we need a coach..... now.
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or you'll fall for anything.

The Prowler

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Re: Do You Know Your Head Coach?
« Reply #4 on: January 17, 2009, 02:28:49 AM »
We have a Head Football Coach his name is Gene Chizik, if you don't like it....bammer, No One Cares.
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"Patriotism and popularity are the beaten paths for power and tyranny." Good, no worries about tyranny w/ Trump

"Alabama's Special Teams unit is made up of Special Ed students." - Daniel Tosh

"The HUNH does cause significant Health and Safety issues, Health issues for the opposing fans and Safety issues for the opposing coaches." - AU AD Jay Jacobs

Greaseyweasel

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Re: Do You Know Your Head Coach?
« Reply #5 on: January 17, 2009, 12:31:39 PM »
We have a Head Football Coach his name is Gene Chizik, if you don't like it....bammer, No One Cares.
Fuck you. I am not, have never been nor shall ever be a bammer. But I feel there is more of a chance of me becoming a bammer than of you ever understanding the entire game that is football.
You are a dumbass. That is not as bad as a bammer but it shares a lot in common with it.
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boartitz

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Re: Do You Know Your Head Coach?
« Reply #6 on: January 17, 2009, 12:37:45 PM »
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Re: Do You Know Your Head Coach?
« Reply #7 on: January 17, 2009, 01:23:25 PM »
Fuck you. I am not, have never been nor shall ever be a bammer. But I feel there is more of a chance of me becoming a bammer than of you ever understanding the entire game that is football.
You are a dumbass. That is not as bad as a bammer but it shares a lot in common with it.

 :hulk:

Yeah...that'll show him greaseball!  grrrrrr!!!!!!
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Greaseyweasel

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Re: Do You Know Your Head Coach?
« Reply #8 on: January 17, 2009, 01:50:06 PM »
Hey, its not my fault your willing to accept mediocrity.  :moon:
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The Prowler

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Re: Do You Know Your Head Coach?
« Reply #9 on: January 17, 2009, 03:26:40 PM »
Hey, its not my fault your willing to accept mediocrity.  :moon:
Wow...another post questioning my knowledge about football.  So, how much football did you learn while you were in the stands playing the Rusty Trumbone to the rest of your band mates?
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"Patriotism and popularity are the beaten paths for power and tyranny." Good, no worries about tyranny w/ Trump

"Alabama's Special Teams unit is made up of Special Ed students." - Daniel Tosh

"The HUNH does cause significant Health and Safety issues, Health issues for the opposing fans and Safety issues for the opposing coaches." - AU AD Jay Jacobs

Jumbo

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Re: Do You Know Your Head Coach?
« Reply #10 on: January 17, 2009, 09:54:48 PM »
Wow...another post questioning my knowledge about football.  So, how much football did you learn while you were in the stands playing the Rusty Trumbone to the rest of your band mates?
He must have sucked his way to first chair.
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The Prowler

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Re: Do You Know Your Head Coach?
« Reply #11 on: January 18, 2009, 04:31:36 AM »
He must have sucked his way to first chair.
:rofl: :rofl:
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"Patriotism and popularity are the beaten paths for power and tyranny." Good, no worries about tyranny w/ Trump

"Alabama's Special Teams unit is made up of Special Ed students." - Daniel Tosh

"The HUNH does cause significant Health and Safety issues, Health issues for the opposing fans and Safety issues for the opposing coaches." - AU AD Jay Jacobs