Utah national champs

Saniflush · « **on:** January 07, 2009, 03:15:32 PM »

http://sports.espn.go.com/espnmag/story?id=3815656

Quote

Some gifts people give are pointless: Styling mousse to Dick Vitale. An all-you-can-eat card to Kate Moss. The BCS Championship given to Oklahoma or Florida.

It means nothing because the BCS has no credibility. Florida? Oklahoma? Who cares? Utah is the national champion.

The End. Roll credits.

Argue with this, please. I beg you. Find me anybody else that went undefeated. Thirteen-and-zero. Beat four ranked teams. Went to the Deep South and seal-clubbed Alabama in the Sugar Bowl. The same Alabama that was ranked No. 1 for five weeks. The same Alabama that went undefeated in the regular season. The same Alabama that Florida beat in order to get INTO the BCS Championship game in the first place.

Yeah, that's how it is now in the shameful, money-grubbing world of college football. If you're Florida and you beat Alabama, you get a seat in the title game. If you're Utah, you get a seat on your sofa.

Hey, remind me: What do they give out for one of those BCS things anyway? It's been so long since I cared. Something from Sears? This is the sixth year in the past 10 that the title has been in dispute under this cash-grab, fan-dis, monopoly that the BCS has created. Which is why the title game just doesn't matter anymore. It's like being named Miss Ogallala. Or Best Amish Electrician.

Just take a look at the teams that think they're worthy of being called national champs:

USC? Great year. Wonderful. Let's all go to SkyBar and celebrate. But it lost to Oregon State, a team Utah beat.

Texas? You think beating Ohio State by a nubby three points gets you the title? The Big Ten was 1-6 in bowl games! That's like pinning David Spade!

Florida and Oklahoma? They lost. Utah never did.

So that's it. Utah is the national champion. The Utes should probably have two now, actually. They went undefeated in 2004, too, and their coach still thinks they were the best team in the land. Smart fella named Urban Meyer. Coaches Florida now.

By the way, we're calling our title the "national" championship because it actually includes the whole nation—all 119 Division I schools—unlike the BCS, which includes 66. Yeah, the BCS somehow eliminated the middleman—the NCAA. The conferences these schools play in take their dump trucks full of cash straight from the TV networks and fairness can go suck a lemon.

The Utes won't get the trophy they really deserve, so we gave them one of our own design.

Do me a favor. Call Ohio State president Gordon Gee and ask him why he won't support a playoff. He's one of the most powerful presidents in the NCAA. He could get it done. If he says anything other than, "We don't want to share the loot" then you know he's lying his bow tie off.

"This is not how we normally do things in America," says Utah president Michael Young. "In America, quality usually wins, not conspiracy. And there's a reason people usually enter into a conspiracy. It's money. You make money doing it. And those that are in on the conspiracy want to stay in and keep everybody else out."

Sure, BCS blowhards will hand you schlock about how the college football season is like a playoff, how it's an elimination tournament every week. Really? Well, how come Florida and Oklahoma weren't eliminated with their losses? Utah ran the table, beat everybody set in front of them, including Ala-damn-bama in no less than the Sugar Bowl, and gets the bagel.

Oh, by the way? It was Utah's eighth straight bowl win, the nation's longest streak. Among the losers during that run? Let's see USC, Georgia Tech, Pittsburgh, and now the legendary Houndstooth Hats.

"What else do we have to prove?" asks Utah's magical quarterback, Brian Johnson. Good question. He and the Utes essentially whipped Alabama at home. Handed Nick Saban a garlic necklace to wear the entire off-season. Stepped on his team's neck 21-0 in the first three possessions and never looked back. Let's see. Who was it that was losing to Alabama until nearly six minutes into the fourth quarter? Oh, yeah. Florida.

What, you want the Utes to win a spelling bee? Make a prize-winning souffle? Knock up Angelina Jolie? What?

It just slays me. It really does.

Call Myles Brand, president of the asleep-at-the-wheel NCAA, and ask him if he and his greedy presidents are going to stand in defiance of president-elect Barack Obama, who wants a playoff and wants it yesterday.

Ask Brand what he's going to do if Obama starts asking the Justice Department to look into anti-trust hearings against the BCS. The Utah Attorney General has already launched an investigation into that very thing. Or ask him what he'll do if Obama asks the Department of Education to consider withholding federal funds from these schools that have entered into this secret club called the BCS. You don't think playing in the title game means millions in general-fund donations for a school? That's as unfair as anything Title IX fought against.

Until all these people do the right thing, I'll be celebrating with the true national champions—the undefeated, untied Utah Utes. (Our new slogan: Utahk about a team!)

Lemonades for everybody!

AUTailgatingRules · « **Reply #1 on:** January 07, 2009, 03:19:55 PM »

I think it would be funny as shit if Utah won a split National Championship. It will take something like this to start to make any real change in the system. And yes I know that we got hosed in 2004, but in that year there were 3 undefeated teams and we were the ones on the outside looking in. Utah is the ONLY undefeated team this year and deserves any ranking they get, including the #1 spot

wesfau2 · « **Reply #2 on:** January 07, 2009, 03:20:52 PM »

Who is this Rick Reilly cat? I like the cut of his jib.

War Eagle!!! · « **Reply #3 on:** January 07, 2009, 03:30:34 PM »

Quote from: wesfau2 on January 07, 2009, 03:20:52 PM

Who is this Rick Reilly cat?

Really? He is a great writer! He used to write the back page article every week for Sports Illustrated. That was one of the only reasons I got that magazine. He is excellent!

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #4 on:** January 07, 2009, 03:58:58 PM »

Quote from: War Eagle!!! on January 07, 2009, 03:30:34 PM

Really? He is a great writer! He used to write the back page article every week for Sports Illustrated. That was one of the only reasons I got that magazine. He is excellent!

He's bein' fuhseeshus.

And why does Reilly hate seals?

wesfau2 · « **Reply #5 on:** January 07, 2009, 04:00:31 PM »

Quote from: War Eagle!!! on January 07, 2009, 03:30:34 PM

Really? He is a great writer! He used to write the back page article every week for Sports Illustrated. That was one of the only reasons I got that magazine. He is excellent!

People actually read Sports Illustrated?

Wow.

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #6 on:** January 07, 2009, 04:03:16 PM »

Quote from: wesfau2 on January 07, 2009, 04:00:31 PM

People actually read Sports Illustrated?

Wow.

I only get it for the pictures.

AUTiger1 · « **Reply #7 on:** January 07, 2009, 04:26:49 PM »

Quote

Argue with this, please. I beg you. Find me anybody else that went undefeated. Thirteen-and-zero. Beat four ranked teams. Went to the Deep South and seal-clubbed Alabama in the Sugar Bowl. The same Alabama that was ranked No. 1 for five weeks. The same Alabama that went undefeated in the regular season. The same Alabama that Florida beat in order to get INTO the BCS Championship game in the first place.

You know, he makes a damn good argument with that paragraph.

Godfather · « **Reply #8 on:** January 07, 2009, 04:34:05 PM »

Quote from: War Eagle!!! on January 07, 2009, 03:30:34 PM

Really? He is a great writer! He used to write the back page article every week for Sports Illustrated. That was one of the only reasons I got that magazine. He is excellent!

Agree 100% I actually cancelled my subscription when he quit writing them, it was the first thing I would read. He is a great sports writer, not as good as this other one I know Kevin Strickland*, but great nonetheless.

*Kevin Strickland did not offer any blowjobs for this endorsement, he did however offer to wash my car.

AUTailgatingRules · « **Reply #9 on:** January 07, 2009, 04:38:36 PM »

Quote from: BK AU on January 07, 2009, 04:34:05 PM

Agree 100% I actually cancelled my subscription when he quit writing them, it was the first thing I would read. He is a great sports writer, not as good as this other one I know Kevin Strickland*, but great nonetheless.

*Kevin Strickland did not offer any blowjobs for this endorsement, he did however offer to wash my car.

Lips meet ass

Godfather · « **Reply #10 on:** January 07, 2009, 04:41:50 PM »

Quote from: AUTailgatingRules on January 07, 2009, 04:38:36 PM

Lips meet ass

Shhh I only do that for you!

Godfather · « **Reply #11 on:** January 07, 2009, 04:44:03 PM »

Quote from: AUTailgatingRules on January 07, 2009, 04:38:36 PM

Lips meet ass

P.s. Aren't you glad I talked you out of buying AIG. :thumbsup:

AUTailgatingRules · « **Reply #12 on:** January 07, 2009, 04:47:43 PM »

Quote from: BK AU on January 07, 2009, 04:44:03 PM

P.s. Aren't you glad I talked you out of buying AIG. :thumbsup:

You Da Man. At $1.64 it may be a real steal now?

Saniflush · « **Reply #13 on:** January 08, 2009, 07:46:52 AM »

Quote from: AUTailgatingRules on January 07, 2009, 04:47:43 PM

You Da Man. At $1.64 it may be a real steal now?

Invest in whores.

wesfau2 · « **Reply #14 on:** January 08, 2009, 10:21:56 AM »

Quote from: Saniflush on January 08, 2009, 07:46:52 AM

Invest in whores.

Pussy is up!

AUChizad · « **Reply #15 on:** January 08, 2009, 11:07:19 AM »

Who ever told you pussy never goes dry was giving you bad market advice.

I prefer to play the markets. Buy & sell, buy & sell.

AUChizad · « **Reply #16 on:** January 08, 2009, 11:08:53 AM »

Quote from: Chizad on January 08, 2009, 11:07:19 AM

Who ever told you pussy never goes dry was giving you bad market advice.

I prefer to play the markets. Buy & sell, buy & sell.

Also, I'd like to add that I am taking advice from a wise investor, Saniflush.

He has showed me that that I need to invest in upstarts, then when they start maturing, SELL SELL SELL!

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #17 on:** January 08, 2009, 11:10:03 AM »

Quote from: Chizad on January 08, 2009, 11:08:53 AM

Also, I'd like to add that I am taking advice from a wise investor, Saniflush.

He has showed me that that I need to invest in upstarts, then when they star maturing, SELL SELL SELL!

This is sound, well thought out advice.

AUTiger1 · « **Reply #18 on:** January 08, 2009, 11:24:09 AM »

Quote from: Saniflush on January 08, 2009, 07:46:52 AM

Invest in whores.

Dangerous, the may steal your wallet.

Saniflush · « **Reply #19 on:** January 08, 2009, 12:23:24 PM »

Quote from: AUTiger1 on January 08, 2009, 11:24:09 AM

Dangerous, the may steal your wallet.

prenup