You misinterpreted his heiroglyphics. You have to think Bama-speak. Here's the translation:
"Hey, buddy-ro, how the fuck ya doin? You see that Larry the Cable Guy movie on the TV, last night? That was some funny ass shit, raht there, bud. Only bad thang is I had the TV up so damn loud my partner...uhh.. roomate whooped my ass. I love that shit. He fuckin' OWNS me, boyeee!"