Maisel's Take

[AUChizad]

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/columns/story?columnist=maisel_ivan&id=3743358

You're Auburn University and your cross-state rival Alabama, after lying dormant for a decade, has become formidable again. You've had a mediocre season and you won't play in a bowl game for the first time in nine years. But you're OK. You have a coach who has been the model of stability in an unstable business.

You've had Tommy Tuberville for 10 seasons. That became the longest tenure of any coach in the Southeastern Conference once Tennessee fitted Phillip Fulmer with a pair of cement coaching shoes. Even after going 5-7, your coach has won nearly 70 percent of his games against everyone (85-40, .680), and exactly 70 percent (7-3!) against the hated Crimson Tide.

Tuberville has won one SEC and five Western Division titles and been unbeaten one season. That 2004 team performed well enough to play for a national championship. Too bad the BCS ripped you off.

Having a coach like that is good. The last thing you want to do when facing Nick Saban Inc. is call in the moving vans and start over. Only someone with an athletic death wish would trade in a coach with 10 years of recruiting ties throughout the Southeast for a staff that might not be able to find 6A finalist Hoover High with a pack of bloodhounds and a Garmin.

You're Auburn, and you're too big, too sure of yourself to panic every time someone in Tuscaloosa raises a trophy. Once upon a time you panicked. Remember five years ago, when the university president led a secret delegation to interview Bobby Petrino at Louisville? That president and the genius boosters who egged him on forgot that Auburn still employed a football coach. They also proved to be about as clandestine as Inspector Clouseau.

Tommy Tuberville coached the Tigers to an 85-40 record during his Auburn tenure.
The media mocked you for months, and you looked even dumber when Tuberville took the team to a 13-0 record a year later.

Good thing that president is long gone. You've got a new athletic director, too. Surely they wouldn't be stupid enough to make the same mistake and run off Tuberville. During games, he barely has a pulse. They call him the Riverboat Gambler for his play-calling guts. And big games? Not only is he 7-3 against Alabama, he has won nine of his past 14 games against top-10 teams.

Off the field, his players don't get in trouble. They go to class, too. In 2007, 20 players had at least a 3.0 GPA.

It's like they say on Wall Street. When the masses are selling, the smart guys are buying. The SEC masses are selling. Tennessee is starting over with 33-year-old Lane Kiffin. Mississippi State forced out Sly Croom. You want to know what not to do? LSU fans are grumbling about Les Miles one year after he held the crystal football!

That leaves Ole Miss and Arkansas, and if you're worried about them, you're not the Auburn you claim to be.

Sure, Tuberville doomed this season to mediocrity the minute he hired that offensive coordinator, the high school guru who promised to install the spread offense. Turns out that knowledge-wise, the guy had outkicked his coverage. Tuberville fired him a month into the season, admitted his mistake, and tried to minimize the damage. He didn't pawn off the responsibility on anyone else. He took the blame and promised to fix the problem.

Yeah, those boosters, the ones who embarrassed you over Petrino, are still unhappy, but you're Auburn. You're bigger than that. No coach is going to win in the SEC every season. Tuberville has delivered for you for 10 years. Surely that engenders some loyalty from you to him.

Besides, you signed a contract that promised him $6 million if you let him go after the 2008 season. In these economic times, with people everywhere trying to hold on to their jobs and their mortgages, you surely aren't stupid enough to spend $6 million paying a guy not to coach. No one could be that insensitive to the message that would send. Talk about misplaced priorities.

What's that?

You let him go?

You're going to pay him $6 million not to coach?

And start over from scratch? Against Nick Saban?

You're kidding, right? Is there something about Tommy Tuberville that causes you to make agonizingly stupid decisions?

Forget I ever brought it up. Good luck finding a coach better than the one you just forced out. Whoever he is, give him a message:

Hoover High is just south of Birmingham.

No words. Just 

[Kaos]

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/columns/story?columnist=maisel_ivan&id=3743358
  No words. Just 

Fuck you Ivan.

I'm not scared of Nick Cocksmoker Saban. Tuberville isn't scared of Nick Polepumper Saban. And whoever Auburn hires won't be scared of that sawed off motherfucker. 

[Townhallsavoy]

What is so fucking hard to understand about this situation? 

It's easy.  Auburn got fucking tired of saying "despite" after every god damn thing that happened on the football field.  We beat the 2006 Florida Gators DESPITE not having an offense worth a shit.  We had successful seasons and upset top teams DESPITE not having stellar recruiting classes.  We finished the 2007 season with 9 wins DESPITE starting 1-2 and losing against a Big East team and bottom feeder Miss St. 

We were always salvaging our season.  The media and quite frankly, everyone else in college football, wants the same ole teams with tradition to be the ones on top.  Auburn is supposed to be just Auburn.  We're supposed to accept our status as little brother.  We're supposed to be thrilled to beat Alabama, and now that Bama has Saban, we should want to do everything in our power to stay competitive with them.  We should be happy that we're the best second tier team in the SEC.  We should be happy with a few big upsets each year. 

Auburn is doing the right thing by getting rid of Tuberville.  We want championships.  It's official; we've adopted a mentality that is a Bammerism.  We want more than a few good wins and a decent bowl game.  There's nothing wrong with that.  We aren't going to expect a championship every year or even every other year, but we want to feel like our program is working towards that goal.  Tubs was running a machine that was losing its oil.  Tubs had set the plane on autopilot.  That's not good enough for us.  If you want to criticize that, fuck off.  Our gamble is the only way to get us into the top tier of college football. 

[Jumbo]

What is so fucking hard to understand about this situation? 

It's easy.  Auburn got fucking tired of saying "despite" after every god damn thing that happened on the football field.  We beat the 2006 Florida Gators DESPITE not having an offense worth a shit.  We had successful seasons and upset top teams DESPITE not having stellar recruiting classes.  We finished the 2007 season with 9 wins DESPITE starting 1-2 and losing against a Big East team and bottom feeder Miss St. 

We were always salvaging our season.  The media and quite frankly, everyone else in college football, wants the same ole teams with tradition to be the ones on top.  Auburn is supposed to be just Auburn.  We're supposed to accept our status as little brother.  We're supposed to be thrilled to beat Alabama, and now that Bama has Saban, we should want to do everything in our power to stay competitive with them.  We should be happy that we're the best second tier team in the SEC.  We should be happy with a few big upsets each year. 

Auburn is doing the right thing by getting rid of Tuberville.  We want championships.  It's official; we've adopted a mentality that is a Bammerism.  We want more than a few good wins and a decent bowl game.  There's nothing wrong with that.  We aren't going to expect a championship every year or even every other year, but we want to feel like our program is working towards that goal.  Tubs was running a machine that was losing its oil.  Tubs had set the plane on autopilot.  That's not good enough for us.  If you want to criticize that, fuck off.  Our gamble is the only way to get us into the top tier of college football. 

Nice Take Rack E'm!

[Snaggletiger]

I agree.  Rack that mo-fo.

[War Eagle!!!]

What is so fucking hard to understand about this situation? 

It's easy.  Auburn got fucking tired of saying "despite" after every god damn thing that happened on the football field.  We beat the 2006 Florida Gators DESPITE not having an offense worth a shit.  We had successful seasons and upset top teams DESPITE not having stellar recruiting classes.  We finished the 2007 season with 9 wins DESPITE starting 1-2 and losing against a Big East team and bottom feeder Miss St. 

We were always salvaging our season.  The media and quite frankly, everyone else in college football, wants the same ole teams with tradition to be the ones on top.  Auburn is supposed to be just Auburn.  We're supposed to accept our status as little brother.  We're supposed to be thrilled to beat Alabama, and now that Bama has Saban, we should want to do everything in our power to stay competitive with them.  We should be happy that we're the best second tier team in the SEC.  We should be happy with a few big upsets each year. 

Auburn is doing the right thing by getting rid of Tuberville.  We want championships.  It's official; we've adopted a mentality that is a Bammerism.  We want more than a few good wins and a decent bowl game.  There's nothing wrong with that.  We aren't going to expect a championship every year or even every other year, but we want to feel like our program is working towards that goal.  Tubs was running a machine that was losing its oil.  Tubs had set the plane on autopilot.  That's not good enough for us.  If you want to criticize that, fuck off.  Our gamble is the only way to get us into the top tier of college football. 

Nice post