#10. I'm thankful for George Petrie, Cliff Hare, Shug Jordan, Lee Haley and the old Auburn guard who helped define and refine what it means to be an Auburn man.
#9. I'm thankful that I live in a country so free and successful that I can afford to care so passionately about something so ultimately insignificant as a football game.
#8. I'm thankful that I was raised in an Auburn family and taught from an early age how an Auburn fan was expected to behave.
#7. I'm thankful to whoever realized how to harness electricity, because that singular invention has -- pardon the pun -- powered practically everything that made this great society from manufacturing to music to refrigeration to the Internet.
#6. I'm thankful for the medicine that lowers my cholesterol, the medicine that settled my acid reflux and all the other medicines that help us all get along.
#5. I'm thankful for farms.
#4. I'm thankful for the Constitution and the rule of law that keeps people like Obama from ever really taking over like they would if given the chance. Checks, balances and all that.
#3. I'm thankful for Bo Jackson, Pat Dye, Randy Campbell, Lionel James, and all the other members of the 1982 Auburn team for restoring the football world to its rightful place and breaking the yoke of oppression that had bound us for so long.
#2. I'm thankful for the friends I know and also the ones I don't. Yeah, you stupid fucks I'm including some of you in that.
#1. I'm thankful for my awesome kids and my beautiful wife, particularly my wife who loves me in spite of everything -- and who thankfully has no idea who Raven Riley is.