I’m a sucker for the seasons. Absolutely love everything from the start of September through January1st. Football is cranking up. Folks start decorating for Halloween, the stores decorate for Fall. You’ve got Halloween, Thanksgiving, then Christmas. And yes, I always have loved the entire Christmas season, especially since as we’ve gotten older, it has naturally become less hectic for us.
There is a Methodist Church right across the street from our office. Every year for quite some time, they have done a huge pumpkin patch, raising money for some project. We took our kids there to pick out a pumpkin and take pictures. I always go get one for the office. For some reason, for the first time ever, they didn’t have it last year. About broke me. Whhhhyyyyy? They just finished setting it up and putting hundreds of pumpkins out. I’m verklempt!
How can someone go through life morbidly obese? I workout all the time, and try to stay in decent shape, but I still have a nice pair of man boobs, and a jelly roll. I hate it. We have two secretaries in our office who are grotesquely overweight. One can’t walk 25 feet from her desk, down the hall to my office without mouth breathing in the doorway by the time she gets there. The other wouldn’t be able to sit in her chair if it had arms on it. I don’t know her weight, but I would say a minimum of 375. 400 wouldn’t be out of the question.
I’m probably too conscious of how I look in the fat department. Pisses me off if I put a shirt on and it makes me look like a busted can of biscuits. These ladies don’t give a f***. One comes in every morning with a slice of that Hunt Brothers pizza that’s in every convenience store in the south, along with a Mountain Dew, or tall mocha frappacino latte milkshake drink topped with whip cream. Hunt Brothers does make a solid slice, but for breakfast every morning? I don’t understand living like that.
Dude Wipes are a game changer. You’ve heard the expression, “Never trust a fart.” I’m in my 60’s now, and they definitely cannot be trusted anymore. No more racing stripes, and I keep a minty-fresh ass these days.
When there’s a hurricane that’s actually threatening to come ashore and cause damage, why does everyone at the Weather Channel look like Captain Lassard of Police Academy giving a speech at the podium?
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