Pre-Dick-Shuns Week Uno

[Snaggletiger]

Really nice slate of week one games.  The lines are from Draft Kings. 

Clemson vs. Fuck Georgia: (FUGA -13.5) These two will  kick it off in the ATL, with Fuck Georgia a heavy favorite.  Horse face, Carson Beck, is one of the leading Heisman candidates.  Honestly, that’s the only player I can name for FUGA.  Cade Clubfoot, is the QB for Climpsum.  Ditto!  My “expert” analysis is based on the fact that it’s well documented that Dabo hates the transfer portal, and NIL.  He’s cruitin’ high schoolers and developing them.  FUGA has been Bama level reloading talent and using the portal/NIL to their advantage.  My analysis is simply, I would assume that FUGA will eventually overwhelm them with sheer talent and numbers. I think it’s fairly close for a while, though.

FUGA:  38

Clemson:  17


LSU vs. USC: (LSU -4) The Faux Tigers lit it up offensively last year behind Jayden Daniels.  Choo people deedn’t leesin’ when I said he was the best in the SEC before the season started.  Maybe you will now.  No, scratch that.  I suck at predictions, but I’ll give it the ole college try.  Both teams start new QB’s with some cat named Miller Moss under center at USC, while LSU will start Garrett Nusshumper, or some shit.  Both have limited experience, but have looked good when they got the chance. 

Both defenses were epically bad last season with LSU coming in at #82 overall, and USC at an abysmal 121st.  The Tigers brought in Blake Baker from Mizzou’s top 10 D, while USC stole cross-town rival, #14 D, UCLA’s coordinator.  Expect both to be much improved.  Can’t help but be better.  The difference will be LSU’s O-line.  One of the best, and most experienced in the country. 

LSU:  31

USC: 21

Notre Dame vs. Texas A&M: (A&M -3) Probably the first year that it wasn’t “A&M’s year”.  Not a ton of hype, but a lot of cautious optimism surrounding the Bon Fire Boys this year.  Mike Elko comes over from Duke, where he turned the Debils into a competitive bunch.  He’s one of those coaches, in one sense, like U Free, that you wonder how good he can be with virtually unlimited resources.  Jimbo, The Greasy Car Salesman, was a total flop, but a lower key, Elko, could be what they need to start moving towards elite status in a year or two.

ND, I know nothing about other than Riley Reynolds, after a stint at Duke, and fresh off another Deadpool movie, will be under center.  The Irish are always hyped as a shoe in for the playoffs.  Still, give me A&M at home, with ESPN Game Day there pumping things up.

Texas A&M:  27

Notre Dame:  21

Alabama A&M vs. Auburn (AU -48)  I’d say 48 is about right.

Auburn:  48

AA&M:  0

Feel free to opine and/or talk amongst yourselves. Or bugger off!  Whatevah.

[Snakebite]

Really nice slate of week one games.  The lines are from Draft Kings. 

Clemson vs. Fuck Georgia: (FUGA -13.5) These two will  kick it off in the ATL, with Fuck Georgia a heavy favorite.  Horse face, Carson Beck, is one of the leading Heisman candidates.  Honestly, that’s the only player I can name for FUGA.  Cade Clubfoot, is the QB for Climpsum.  Ditto!  My “expert” analysis is based on the fact that it’s well documented that Dabo hates the transfer portal, and NIL.  He’s cruitin’ high schoolers and developing them.  FUGA has been Bama level reloading talent and using the portal/NIL to their advantage.  My analysis is simply, I would assume that FUGA will eventually overwhelm them with sheer talent and numbers. I think it’s fairly close for a while, though.

FUGA:  38

Clemson:  17


LSU vs. USC: (LSU -4) The Faux Tigers lit it up offensively last year behind Jayden Daniels.  Choo people deedn’t leesin’ when I said he was the best in the SEC before the season started.  Maybe you will now.  No, scratch that.  I suck at predictions, but I’ll give it the ole college try.  Both teams start new QB’s with some cat named Miller Moss under center at USC, while LSU will start Garrett Nusshumper, or some shit.  Both have limited experience, but have looked good when they got the chance. 

Both defenses were epically bad last season with LSU coming in at #82 overall, and USC at an abysmal 121st.  The Tigers brought in Blake Baker from Mizzou’s top 10 D, while USC stole cross-town rival, #14 D, UCLA’s coordinator.  Expect both to be much improved.  Can’t help but be better.  The difference will be LSU’s O-line.  One of the best, and most experienced in the country. 

LSU:  31

USC: 21

Notre Dame vs. Texas A&M: (A&M -3) Probably the first year that it wasn’t “A&M’s year”.  Not a ton of hype, but a lot of cautious optimism surrounding the Bon Fire Boys this year.  Mike Elko comes over from Duke, where he turned the Debils into a competitive bunch.  He’s one of those coaches, in one sense, like U Free, that you wonder how good he can be with virtually unlimited resources.  Jimbo, The Greasy Car Salesman, was a total flop, but a lower key, Elko, could be what they need to start moving towards elite status in a year or two.

ND, I know nothing about other than Riley Reynolds, after a stint at Duke, and fresh off another Deadpool movie, will be under center.  The Irish are always hyped as a shoe in for the playoffs.  Still, give me A&M at home, with ESPN Game Day there pumping things up.

Texas A&M:  27

Notre Dame:  21

Alabama A&M vs. Auburn (AU -48)  I’d say 48 is about right.

Auburn:  48

AA&M:  0

Feel free to opine and/or talk amongst yourselves. Or bugger off!  Whatevah.

I.
FUGA: 38
CU: 17

II.
LSU: 28
SC: 24

III.
FAggies: 31
ND: 27

IV:
AU: 56
AA&M: 10

I agree on the results, but changed the scores based off my “expert” analysis.

[Buzz Killington]

Butt cut    41
I sleep with my mommy  17

Sore Thumb   44
Stubbed Toe   38

Big Deer      24
Former Big Deer   17

Hugh Loads       55
Buwdawgs          10

[chinook]

Butt cut    41
I sleep with my mommy  17

Sore Thumb   44
Stubbed Toe   38

Big Deer      24
Former Big Deer   17

Hugh Loads       55
Buwdawgs          10

sorry I don't understand

[War Damn Six]

sorry I don't understand

It’s his schtick. Just ignore it. Errbody else does.

[Snaggletiger]

Buzz is a thinking man's prognosticator.

[Snakebite]

Buzz is a thinking man's prognosticator.

I thought he was a proctologist?

[Snaggletiger]

I thought he was a proctologist?

Well, he does have his head up his ass half the time, so....

[War Damn Six]

I thought he was a proctologist?

He’s Kosmo Kramer, The Assman.

[wesfau2]

UGA romps 'em.

LSU/USC is tighter than expected, but the faux tigahs win.  They don't cover, though!

I can't believe in A&M...but ND is an even bigger pretender.  I guess I'll lean SEC on this one.

Auburn...pulls the starters at the half and errrrbody racks up stats.

[The Six]

Colorado 34, North Dakota State 24
Deion will probably boycott the press who didn't "believe" enough after his team beats a really good FCS team. NDSU is no slouch but there's a difference in talent levels, even if it's badly managed like the Buffaloes. Ralphie will run strong and September Heisman candidates Travis Hunter and Shedeur Sanders will flash bling and probably QR codes to their Venmo accounts with each big play.

Georgia 30, Clemson 24
I'm not selling all the fUGA stock just yet, but I do think Clemson will hang around in this one longer than the expert, Neo-socialist, atheistic sports media think they will because they all hate Dabo for daring to believe in Jesus and not want a team full of transfers. There are coaches out there who think this may be Kirby's most talented team. They have a long season to live up to that, but they should look strong out of the gate here.

West Virginia 19, Penn State 17
Calling for the upset of the James Franklin Nittany Lions out of the gate? You bet I am. They may have a defense but that offense is MIA until I see otherwise. Neal Brown saved hisself last year and he likes what he has in the couch burners this year. There won't be a safe place for a Laz-E-Boy after the 'Eers shock the system in Morgantown.

Florida 27, Miami 25
Go Gaytah gets off to a good start beating an over-ranked/under-coached Miami team (back end of that schedule is pure hell). I actually think Florida may look a lot better this year but their record won't show it because of the stretch of tough opponents. Miami hasn't done anything since the early 2000s and this won't be any different. Coach Meathead will also find a way to screw his own team. Again!

Notre Dame 16, Texas A&M 13
I'm not buying Texas 8&4 in the first year of a new regime. I don't care what the blue-chip ratio is or whatever. Consistency matters early in a season. Notre Dame knows what they are - physical defense, run the damn ball, play keep away - and they aren't going to be intimidated by the loud cult out west. They've seen it before and better. This game could be really ugly, but if you like rock fights in a ditch, this one is for you.

Auburn A LOT, Alabama A&M VERY LITTLE
Only thing Auburn loses is the band competition. Otherwise, it's cake-eating, stat-padding, roster clearing fun house on The Plainz!

LSU 44, USC 41
If you want fireworks, Vegas has got you. (Say a prayer for LVPD because the Red Stick crowd in Sin City is going to be a problem.) LSU probably won't have much of a defense. USC barely plays any defense. Both offenses are going to toss the bill around the lot a good bit. Video game offenses will be the order of the day and LSU's speed and depth play out for the win here, but I don't think Lincoln Riley's jimmy hats will go down easy.

Florida State 27, Boston College 6
BC sucks. FSU will look much better than they did in Dublin.

[GH2001]

UGA romps 'em.

Saw a story this morning on the ESPN'z that they are thin on RB for this game.

Robinson I think is injured and had surgery.
Etienne is still in limbo from the driving incident.
And the other guy (also Robinson) last played in 2022 and hasn't played since he ruptured his patella tendon.

Wondering if Clemson's D strategy will be to make the UGA RBs beat them - quite the opposite of what we normally see.

[wesfau2]

Agree almost across the board with The Six.

Dark days, my guys.

Saw a story this morning on the ESPN'z that they are thin on RB for this game.

Robinson I think is injured and had surgery.
Etienne is still in limbo from the driving incident.
And the other guy (also Robinson) last played in 2022 and hasn't played since he ruptured his patella tendon.

Wondering if Clemson's D strategy will be to make the UGA RBs beat them - quite the opposite of what we normally see.

I just don't think it matters.  I think CU is living on a stale rep.

[CCTAU]

Saw a story this morning on the ESPN'z that they are thin on RB for this game.

Robinson I think is injured and had surgery.
Etienne is still in limbo from the driving incident.
And the other guy (also Robinson) last played in 2022 and hasn't played since he ruptured his patella tendon.

Wondering if Clemson's D strategy will be to make the UGA RBs beat them - quite the opposite of what we normally see.

Clemson gets Cole Turner back at WR. They’ll be slangin it!

[GH2001]

Agree almost across the board with The Six.

Dark days, my guys.

I just don't think it matters.  I think CU is living on a stale rep.

If the 3rd stringer goes down or isn't effective, it makes UGA 1 dimensional passing (without Bowers now too). Not sure it matters with 0:00 left in the 4Q but I kind of wonder if Six is on to something with CU hanging around longer/closer than they should.

[The Six]

Alex McPherson will not be kicking in the opener. Kid apparently really went through the ringer with a gastro disorder.

Also out for fUGA, Florida transport RB Trevor Etienne. Got popped for a Dewey which was reduced but guess Kirbster is into punishment now.

[Buzz Killington]

He’s Kosmo Kramer, The Assman.

[Snaggletiger]

HEY, ASSMAN!!!

[GH2001]

Also out for fUGA, Florida transport RB Trevor Etienne. Got popped for a Dewey which was reduced but guess Kirbster is into punishment now.

It's almost like I said this 3-4 posts above this one or something. Bunch of illiterate bastages...

[The Six]

It's almost like I said this 3-4 posts above this one or something. Bunch of illiterate bastages...

Yeah, but I named names 

Plus also, someone mentioned ass and I started thinking about that...