Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s

Kaos · « **Reply #160 on:** April 21, 2024, 11:42:05 AM »

In honor of 420 I rolled a joint yesterday.

Unfortunately it was my ankle.

Kaos · « **Reply #161 on:** April 21, 2024, 06:00:22 PM »

My girlfriend asked if I would put ketchup on the grocery list.

Now she says she can’t read anything.

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #162 on:** April 22, 2024, 10:16:02 AM »

Holy shit, all that for a punch line like that?

I love it.

Snakebite · « **Reply #163 on:** April 26, 2024, 12:27:23 PM »

Justice is a dish best served cold. If served warm it would be justwater.

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #164 on:** April 26, 2024, 02:30:38 PM »

Nobody wants to listen to Whitesnake with me.

Well, here I go again on my own.

Kaos · « **Reply #165 on:** April 26, 2024, 04:26:26 PM »

Survived a fall off a 16-foot ladder earlier this week.

Was only from the first rung, but still.

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #166 on:** May 01, 2024, 10:08:41 AM »

Do short people start their stories with, "When I was little", or, "As I am today."?

CCTAU · « **Reply #167 on:** May 01, 2024, 04:07:33 PM »

How did the butcher introduce his wife?

He said, Meet Patty!

CCTAU · « **Reply #168 on:** May 01, 2024, 08:47:00 PM »

NASA is launching a satellite to say sorry to the aliens.

They're calling it the Apollo G.

Kaos · « **Reply #169 on:** May 04, 2024, 11:36:49 AM »

I got a part time job last week working as a security guard. The boss told me it wasn't difficult, my main responsibility was watching the office.

I'm on season eight. Andy is extremely annoying. They should have stopped it when Michael left.

CCTAU · « **Reply #170 on:** May 04, 2024, 09:30:32 PM »

My good friend bought a horse.
I asked him why did he want a horse.
He said he wanted to race it.
My money is on the horse!

CCTAU · « **Reply #171 on:** May 07, 2024, 09:34:27 AM »

Someone asked me to name two structures that hold water.
I was like well, damn.

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #172 on:** May 07, 2024, 02:36:14 PM »

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.

I'll let you know.

Snakebite · « **Reply #173 on:** May 07, 2024, 02:53:42 PM »

Gonorrhea would have been a great name for diarrhea medicine.

wesfau2 · « **Reply #174 on:** May 08, 2024, 09:19:42 AM »

(best read aloud)
She offered her honor.
He honored her offer.
and all night it was:
Honor and offer.

Kaos · « **Reply #175 on:** May 08, 2024, 10:32:42 AM »

I accidentally drank a bottle of invisible ink.

I don't have an appointment, but I think I'm going to run to the doctor. I hope they can see me.

Kaos · « **Reply #176 on:** May 18, 2024, 10:36:35 AM »

I still got it!

Went to Publix today and the cute little cashier was totally checking me out.

CCTAU · « **Reply #177 on:** May 18, 2024, 09:41:48 PM »

Quote from: Kaos on May 18, 2024, 10:36:35 AM

I still got it!

Went to Publix today and the cute little cashier was totally checking me out.

Well. She’s a he…

CCTAU · « **Reply #178 on:** May 22, 2024, 12:46:43 AM »

Re-electing Biden is like the Titanic backing up and hitting the iceberg again.

WiregrassTiger · « **Reply #179 on:** May 22, 2024, 11:34:27 AM »

Quote from: CCTAU on May 22, 2024, 12:46:43 AM

Re-electing Biden is like the Titanic backing up and hitting the iceberg again.

He was installed, not elected. But I get what you’re saying.

Anyone ridin’ with Biden has deeply seated issues. And it doesn’t make a fuck who is running against him.