Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s

[Snakebite]

What do the Mafia and vaginas have in common?

One careless slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.

[CCTAU]

The rest of you mother fuckers are joking for second place, because CCTAU just won this thread with this highly original joke.

This man knows. And he’s not even pre-med…

[Snakebite]

I thought about starting a taxi service for the elderly & calling it Oldsmobile.

[Snaggletiger]

Ten passengers have called me a terrible bus driver today.

I don't know where these people get off.

[Kaos]

I used to like playing chess with old men in the park, but I finally just gave up. 

Do you know how hard it is to find exactly 16 white and 16 black men? 

[WiregrassTiger]

I used to like playing chess with old men in the park, but I finally just gave up. 

Do you know how hard it is to find exactly 16 white and 16 black men?

It has taken several pages and a bunch of swings and misses. But, finally. I giggled. Just a tad but still..

Thank u to Kaos for this high level and original humor. At least I assume that’s original thought. Surely you wouldn’t post copyrighted material like some of these losers.

[Snakebite]

It has taken several pages and a bunch of swings and misses. But, finally. I giggled. Just a tad but still..

Thank u to Kaos for this high level and original humor. At least I assume that’s original thought. Surely you wouldn’t post copyrighted material like some of these losers.

Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.

[War Damn Six]

I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous. 

[Snaggletiger]

I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

I told the census taker that no one in my family is left handed.

She said, "All righty then."

[Kaos]

Met a girl at a bar the other night. Took her home and we started fooling around on the couch. After a while she whispered, "do you want to take this to the bedroom?" 

Yeah, no. I don't have space for a couch in there. 

[Snakebite]

Met a girl at a bar the other night. Took her home and we started fooling around on the couch. After a while she whispered, "do you want to take this to the bedroom?" 

Yeah, no. I don't have space for a couch in there.

She sounds like an idiot!

[Snaggletiger]

A Roman walked into a bar, held up two fingers and said, "5 beers, please".

[Snaggletiger]

Meanwhile, in the Australian Army...

Private, did you come here to die?

No sir, I came here yesterday.

[Snaggletiger]

I'm starting a club for twins not separated at birth.

Anyone conjoin.

[Snakebite]

Found concert tickets for sale for 45 cents the other day. The headline consisted of 50 Cent followed by Nickelback.

[War Damn Six]

Found concert tickets for sale for 45 cents the other day. The headline consisted of 50 Cent followed by Nickelback.

You have horrible musical tastes.

[Kaos]

My friend Raymond said he was going to come over and dig me a big water hole this weekend.


I know he means well.

[Snaggletiger]

I can't find my "Gone In 60 Seconds" DVD.

It was here a minute ago.

[Snakebite]

My wife started smoking a few days back.

I had to slow down and apply lube to get her to stop.

[Snakebite]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto have been riding all day on a buffalo hunt. When they stop to rest, Tonto places his ear to the ground and listens.

"Buffalo come," Tonto says.

"How do you know that?" asks the Lone Ranger.

"Ear sticky."