Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s

[War Damn Six]

I have the two ultimate dad jokes but they are wayyyyyyyyy too long for this format. 

[Snakebite]

I recently came into a bunch of money...which is strange for me, I usually just use a paper towel.

[Snaggletiger]

I recently came into a bunch of money...which is strange for me, I usually just use a paper towel.

Oooohhh…

[WiregrassTiger]

I have the two ultimate dad jokes but they are wayyyyyyyyy too long for this format.

Seriously, thank you for this. But keep in mind, there has yet to be anything that is funny posted in this thread so we would probably all handle the longwindedness just to be able to hear something that is finally funny. I know a guy on Facebook that constantly posts the dumbest puns and dad jokes. It’s every single motherfucking day. No one laughs and he just keeps right on going. He’s like Ralph Malph but queer.

[War Damn Six]

Seriously, thank you for this. But keep in mind, there has yet to be anything that is funny posted in this thread so we would probably all handle the longwindedness just to be able to hear something that is finally funny. I know a guy on Facebook that constantly posts the dumbest puns and dad jokes. It’s every single motherfucking day. No one laughs and he just keeps right on going. He’s like Ralph Malph but queer.

I ❤️ you.

[Kaos]

I accidentally took a double dose of viagra.

Man, that was the hardest day ever. 

[Snakebite]

I have the two ultimate dad jokes but they are wayyyyyyyyy too long for this format.

I’d enjoy the read, if you’ll type the damn things. If we can endure a novel from Snags every day, you’re good.

[WiregrassTiger]

I’d enjoy the read, if you’ll type the damn things. If we can endure a novel from Snags every day, you’re good.

^^THIS^^!!!!

[Kaos]

A guy I used to know died after falling into a giant vat of coffee. 

At least he didn’t suffer.  It was instant.

[Snakebite]

I got fired from the keyboard factory recently. They told me I had too many escape attempts and not enough shifts.

[Kaos]

I got offered a job at a mirror factory.

I could see myself working there.

[Kaos]

I thought I was on time for a conference on premature ejaculation.

I wasn't. Everybody else came early.

[Snakebite]

I got offered a job at a mirror factory.

I could see myself working there.

Stolen from A Night at the Roxbury and used on my wife occasionally…

“Is that a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants”

[Kaos]

Nine out of ten women I surveyed on their favorite brand of shampoo responded

“Get the hell out of my shower”

[Kaos]

My cute mail lady was really surprised when I opened the door naked.

She also wanted to know how I knew where she lived.

[Snakebite]

How do you tell the difference between a frog and a horny toad? A frog says, "Ribbit, ribbit," and a horny toad says, "Rub it, rub it."

[Snaggletiger]

Sad news.  I broke up with my girlfriend, Lorraine. I've started seeing a new girl, Claire Lee.  The good news is, I can see Claire Lee now, Lorraine is gone.

[Snakebite]

How do you circumcise a Bama fan?

By kicking his sister in the jaw.

[Snaggletiger]

What's the difference between a camera and a foot?

A camera has photos...

[Snaggletiger]

Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar.

Don't tell me that's a coincidence.