Dad Jokes, Puns, Dis’s

Snakebite · « **on:** February 22, 2024, 05:48:59 PM »

I’d like to start it off by telling you all my pizza joke… but I can’t bring myself to do it. It’s just too cheesy.

Snakebite · « **Reply #1 on:** February 22, 2024, 05:58:17 PM »

My wife gets so mad at how bad my sense of direction is. So finally, I had enough. I packed up my shit and right.

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #2 on:** February 22, 2024, 07:10:18 PM »

My wife asked me if I had seen the dog bowl. I said I didn’t know he did.

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #3 on:** February 22, 2024, 07:13:14 PM »

A nut named Hazel held up a bank saying, “Give me all the cashew have”.

Snakebite · « **Reply #4 on:** February 22, 2024, 07:27:21 PM »

When your severely overweight mother fell down the other day, I swear I didn’t laugh. The sidewalk sure cracked up though.

Snakebite · « **Reply #5 on:** February 22, 2024, 09:45:51 PM »

I have many jokes about unemployed people — sadly none of them work.

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #6 on:** February 22, 2024, 11:20:53 PM »

I bought a wig today for only $1.00.

It was a small price toupee.

CCTAU · « **Reply #7 on:** February 22, 2024, 11:56:54 PM »

Your mom!

Snakebite · « **Reply #8 on:** February 23, 2024, 06:19:41 AM »

Isn't it scary that doctors & lawyers call what they do "practice"?

Snakebite · « **Reply #9 on:** February 23, 2024, 06:23:17 AM »

What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.

jmar · « **Reply #10 on:** February 23, 2024, 09:44:25 AM »

Quote from: Snaggletiger on February 22, 2024, 07:10:18 PM

My wife asked me if I had seen the dog bowl. I said I didn’t know he did.

Right down your alley Snags. You've found your niche.

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #11 on:** February 23, 2024, 10:05:03 AM »

Why do Norwegians put bar codes on their battleships?

So they can Scandinavian.

Buzz Killington · « **Reply #12 on:** February 23, 2024, 11:01:12 AM »

Went out to eat the other night and the waitress asked if I wanna box for my leftovers. I said no, but I'll wrestle you for dessert.

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #13 on:** February 23, 2024, 11:11:01 AM »

I threw away my toaster because it kept burning the bread.

I'm black toast intolerant.

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #14 on:** February 23, 2024, 12:13:55 PM »

After I bought a limousine, I realized I couldn't afford a driver.

All that money, and nothing to chauffeur it.

Snakebite · « **Reply #15 on:** February 23, 2024, 01:46:21 PM »

Dogs can’t operate MRI machines, but catscan.

Snakebite · « **Reply #16 on:** February 23, 2024, 01:52:35 PM »

There were two bulls hiding in the tree line, spying on the cows in the field for a potential mate. It was a pretty serious steak out.

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #17 on:** February 23, 2024, 02:11:36 PM »

My friend is obsessed with black birds.

He's a raven lunatic.

Kaos · « **Reply #18 on:** February 23, 2024, 03:07:22 PM »

My wife divorced me because I couldn't stop imitating a flamingo.

I was pretty pissed when we got to court and the judge told me I didn't have a leg to stand on.

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #19 on:** February 23, 2024, 05:41:57 PM »

You said you'd karaoke Whitesnake with me, but you lied, so....

Here I go again on my own.