Things that are ASS - in a bowl

[Kaos]

Figured I’d go down swinging.

1. The rigged NFL.  The end of the Cowboys/Lions game was complete garbage. ESPN currently trashing the officiating crew. Adam Schefter literally screaming on air and showing a series of game changing blown calls.

2. Alabama fans claiming that Georgia’s thrashing of a depleted Florida State somehow justifies bypassing the Noles for a final four spot.  It doesn’t.

3. Hugh Freeze.  Saying before the bowl game that he was committed to Thorne and then de-committing after the abysmal bowl performance. 

4. Hugh Freeze. When things go well, he claims credit. When things go bad, he shifts the blame.  “Oh I wasn’t involved in the game plan, I was too busy.”  Screw that.  You don’t get paid millions to be too busy.  Somebody should have walked to the podium and fired him on the spot for that comment. 

5. Hugh Freeze. Taking a victory lap on recruiting while abandoning the current team.  Self-serving bitch ass punk.  Look, I was doing this good thing, the bowl mess was somebody else’s fault.  Yeah, I know 4 and 5 are the same thing.  But it’s BAD.

6. Hugh Freeze apologists. At some point this asshole has to be held accountable. He’s damn sure not going to do it himself.  At times this team looked worse and gave less effort than any team under any AU coach in my lifetime - all the way back to Jordan. Overall, it was the worst-coached team I’ve ever seen.  That has nothing to do with him “getting his players in” or “lacking talent”.  That’s a complete and utter coaching failure - and that starts at the top.

7. Jonathan Goodman. He’s the worst writer we’ve seen in a long time at Al.communist.  In today’s column he flexes on handshakes, gushing over the firm grip of a Michigan assistant while noting that he himself doesn’t have the hands of a typical writer because one of his hobbies is kneading bagel dough.   In the voice of Jeff Spicoli “that guy’s a f**.”

8. Bowl games in general.  The playoffs ruined them.  With opt outs and meaningless matchups they are pretty much pointless. Essentially glorified spring games.

9. Hugh Freeze.  Guess what, asshole.  This isn’t Ole Piss or Liberty.  You have to have the team prepared more than just two or three times a year.  Other than bringing in a bunch of receivers who won’t have a soul able to throw to them, this team is worse off than it was when he got there. 

10.  Dabo.  What a chucklehead. 

11. Oklahoma in bowl games. 

12. The Eastern Michigan player who ran from the locker room and sucker punched a South Alabama player during the alma mater after EM got mauled 59-10, inciting a brawl?  That was an ass move. 

13.  Anything and everything related to Taylor Swift. 

14.  Hugh Freeze.  This season was a total disaster. That’s on him.  End of story. 

[The Six]

I ain’t reading all that. I’m happy for you. Or sorry that happened to you.

[Snakebite]

You forgot Payton Thorne. Holden didn’t inspire any confidence either when the game was already out of reach, which is disheartening after all we’ve heard about him. 

Hank Brown looked great against their reserves, and did a great job finding open receivers. Firmly in Hank Brown’s fan club now. Polished, poised, and decisive.

3 losing seasons in a row is the largest, hairiest, pimpliest, dimpliest ass there is. Auburn is better than that. 1 losing season is unacceptable. 3 in a row? Aids.

[Kaos]

I ain’t reading all that. I’m happy for you. Or sorry that happened to you.

Sorry I didn’t color a picture for you. 

[Kaos]

You forgot Payton Thorne. Holden didn’t inspire any confidence either when the game was already out of reach, which is disheartening after all we’ve heard about him. 

Hank Brown looked great against their reserves, and did a great job finding open receivers. Firmly in Hank Brown’s fan club now. Polished, poised, and decisive.

3 losing seasons in a row is the largest, hairiest, pimpliest, dimpliest ass there is. Auburn is better than that. 1 losing season is unacceptable. 3 in a row? Aids.

Agreed.

[CCTAU]

Sorry I didn’t color a picture for you.

Maybe he just means, for someone not invested and claims to not watch Auburn football, maybe you should not detail the issues that you didn’t actually watch.

[Kaos]

Maybe he just means, for someone not invested and claims to not watch Auburn football, maybe you should not detail the issues that you didn’t actually watch.

It's like a trainwreck.  You don't want to look, but then you do.  You vomit at the carnage and bloody body parts.  You try again not to look, but you hope it wasn't as bad as you thought.  So you glance again.  And the vomit boils up. 

I'm invested in Auburn. Always have been, always will be.  I watched one offensive and defensive series yesterday, hoping that all the beaver talk meant something.

I got torture porn instead. And there was a clueless rodent standing on the sidelines with it's paw up it's ass.  I didn't have to see any more than that.  I knew exactly what it was going to be.

When the debacle was over, I read what he said, heard what a few others I respect had to say.  I watched his post-game press conference where the beave did what he's always done. Sanctimoniously claim credit for whatever went right and point fingers everywhere else at the things that didn't. 

If he hadn't thrown himself on the martyr pile and said he was too busy recruiting to bother with bowl preparation? Maybe he doesn't get as many ass mentions.  But that?  "Give me credit for the things I've done so well, Lord, but absolve me of all this other crap that wasn't my fault because I was so busy......"  That grated on me in a bad, bad way. 

Name another Auburn coach who would have said anything as self-serving as that?  Shug? Barfield? Dye? Tuberville? Chizik? Gus?  Maybe Hatband. "I was too busy buying Botox..."  But he's the only one. Not even Tiny Tot would have said anything remotely like that.  It was self-serving. "Look at the good thing I did!!! Other mean people did that bad thing over there..."   It's infuriating. 

Auburn deserves better than what he is, has always been, and will always be. 

So. Am I watching AU football?  No. Why should I if the "head coach" isn't either.  Do I still care?  Wish I didn't. But I do.

Don't like it?  Don't care. Look at this great thing I did!! 

[Jumbo]

You forgot Payton Thorne. Holden didn’t inspire any confidence either when the game was already out of reach, which is disheartening after all we’ve heard about him. 

Hank Brown looked great against their reserves, and did a great job finding open receivers. Firmly in Hank Brown’s fan club now. Polished, poised, and decisive.

3 losing seasons in a row is the largest, hairiest, pimpliest, dimpliest ass there is. Auburn is better than that. 1 losing season is unacceptable. 3 in a row? Aids.

I think Hank Brown deserves a shot in the spring.

[Buzz Killington]

You said Hugh Freeze twice

[AUJarhead]

You said Hugh Freeze twice

He likes Hugh Freeze.

[Kaos]

You fuckers are getting content for free that people used to pay for. 

Ungrateful! 

[Buzz Killington]

You fuckers are getting content for free that people used to pay for. 

Ungrateful!

Where should I send WT's check?