President* Biden today announced plans to institute a nationwide mask mandate, mandatory vaccines (with financial and penal repercussions for those who don't comply) and said "muhlae vacciner ummm, ahh, ...rations of the cure.... and don's hold a urinate... on up to ....uhhhh, ahhh, muhhh, kettle corn chips, and... ahhh, you know, the number, the big number, like 60 or maybe 90 of the per...uhh..center. Right there, C'mon man! Just do the thing."
Apparently Biden's unprecedented draconian measures were spurred by a report provided him by Antony Fraudci which noted that 123 Brazillians had died of covid in the last four weeks. Upon hearing the news, Biden, who was wearing leopard print underwear and aviator raybans and nothing else at the time, responded "good God, man, I don't know how many is a brazillian, but we need to do something."