Colon Blow

[AUTailgatingRules]

See, this is the kind of advice and guidance that I value from you assholes.

Just trying to spread the truth.  Us old fuckers have already made the mistakes you are just now considering making.

[Townhallsavoy]

I've got a shit story that may be the sole reason why Eric Berry didn't commit to Auburn. 

I was supposed to meet Eric Berry and his mother at the athletic complex at 5pm the Friday of his official visit.  Before leaving my house, I really needed to take a shit, but I was afraid of being late because I was going to take the Tiger Transit.  So I figured I could hold it until after they were dropped off.   It only takes maybe five to ten minutes to say hello and drive them over to the hotel.  When I got off the transit, I realized that I really wasn't feeling well; I had that hot-feeling you get in your gut before you have some serious diarrhea.  When I got to the complex, I realized that I still had about twenty minutes until 5.  So, I went into the bathroom next to the museum to take a slam.  Needless to say, it wasn't a pretty sight.  The problem arose when the automatic-I'm-going-to-fuck-your-life-up-flusher decide to flush itself.  The murky slop in the toilet splashed all over my ass and the back of my legs.  I tried to clean up the best I could, but I was terrified of smelling like shit.  So, I pulled my britches up and ran around the corner to the bathroom in the hallway that connects to the academic center since there was a lock on the bathroom door.  I went in and tried the best I could to take a shower in the sink.  Some of my pants got wet, and I was fairly sweaty.  When I came back out into the lobby, there was Eric and his mother. 

True story. 

What was this original topic of this thread?

[AuburnChopper 3.0]

In an absent minded Blackberry distracted moment of intense need for a shitter, I hit the Starbucks off Pleasant Hill Rd in Duluth, GA.   I walked in, where there were a few hotties, and other "too good for you" types sitting around.  I walked in and didn't notice the "extra" stall.   I managed a cleansing, and magnificant crop dusting of that particular facility.   As I got up to put myself back together, I heard a giggle.  A female giggle...  I was confused.   The smell was obnoxious.  I didn't feel good.  I was sick.......  I opened the door, walked to the sink as two women walked in.  I stared at them.  They stared at me.  One backed out to re-check the sign on the door, as the other wrinkled her nose in disgust. 

I blew up the women's bathroom, then promptly ordered a latte, and then did the walk of shame back to my car.... 

 

[Aubie16]

I've got a shit story that may be the sole reason why Eric Berry didn't commit to Auburn. 

You know...we really could have used him in the secondary this year...

[Ranger12]

Just trying to spread the truth.  Us old fuckers have already made the mistakes you are just now considering making.

Preach on. Two divorces later I think I finally got it right.

Another piece of advice...if the brothers of the girl you are dating/engaged too tell you that their sister is crazy and you need to run and if they don't laugh when you laugh and then look at you like they are concerned for your life....please believe them. Always ask for a family history of mental health. You may find out things such as, oh I don't know, that the mother was a diagnosed schizophrenic and it apparently runs in the family. The best pun tang in the world ain't worth that trouble.

[Pell City Tiger]

The surest way to cleanse your colon is to drink a glass of water straight from the tap in Italy. For about 2 years after my arrival in Naples, I never took a solid shit. Came out with the sound of a covey of quail taking flight in a field. Nothing like 2 straight years of growlers to clean you out.

[Ranger12]

The surest way to cleanse your colon is to drink a glass of water straight from the tap in Italy. For about 2 years after my arrival in Naples, I never took a solid shit. Came out with the sound of a covey of quail taking flight in a field. Nothing like 2 straight years of growlers to clean you out.

Sounds like Naples, Italy and Ft. Polk use the same water authority.

[Saniflush]

Awesome.  The complete lack of shame in the telling makes the story.

Very Tucker-ess.

[Mitch Martin]

My girlfriend is always bringing home some bullshit in which I have to participate.

I was a vegetarian for two awful months a few years ago, I've had numerous exercise/diet programs inflicted upon me, and now the latest indignity is some 15 day colon cleanse.

To be fair, she does this shit, too, so it's not just me.

So....anyone have any insight/experience with the amazing shit cleaning system?

I'm two days in and nothing out of the ordinary is happening (I suspect nothing will), but I've read the website and there is some awful shit (pun intended) shown there.

Some of my redneck neighbors tried this along with some whole big Advocare program. 

He is still a little, short hushpuppy with legs.  She still has an ass that needs a wide load sign.  They don't appear to be any healthier than before. 

I can certainly understand you doing it for the little woman.  She must be a fine piece of ass.

[Godfather]

My girlfriend is always bringing home some bullshit in which I have to participate.

I was a vegetarian for two awful months a few years ago, I've had numerous exercise/diet programs inflicted upon me, and now the latest indignity is some 15 day colon cleanse.

To be fair, she does this shit, too, so it's not just me.

So....anyone have any insight/experience with the amazing shit cleaning system?

I'm two days in and nothing out of the ordinary is happening (I suspect nothing will), but I've read the website and there is some awful shit (pun intended) shown there.

Well at least you will get to brickface the side of your house.




Don't do it Wes, waste of time and money. Buy a nice steak instead and tell her you are now a meatatarian.

[Mitch Martin]

Buy a nice steak instead and tell her you are now a meatatarian.

Do you know what they do to those cows?

No, but it's delicious.

[Saniflush]

She must be a fine piece of ass.

I can verify he is out kicking his coverage but if it has tits or tires you're gonna have problems with it.

[wesfau2]

Buy a nice steak instead and tell her you are now a meatatarian.

It's a lifestyle choice.

[Thrilla]

I heart this thread

[AWK]

My girlfriend is always bringing home some bullshit in which I have to participate.

I was a vegetarian for two awful months a few years ago, I've had numerous exercise/diet programs inflicted upon me, and now the latest indignity is some 15 day colon cleanse.

To be fair, she does this shit, too, so it's not just me.

So....anyone have any insight/experience with the amazing shit cleaning system?

I'm two days in and nothing out of the ordinary is happening (I suspect nothing will), but I've read the website and there is some awful shit (pun intended) shown there.

The only reason this is acceptable, is if you get to have non stop anal sex afterwards.  The woman is obviously cleaning her pipes for one reason, to let you take a stab at Mr. Brown Eye.  No pun intended.  Of course, you are cleaning your anus for the prison sentence that follows after heeding my advice.

[Jumbo]

It's a lifestyle choice.

You have the right to choose.

[Snaggletiger]

The only reason this is acceptable, is if you get to have non stop anal sex afterwards.  The woman is obviously cleaning her pipes for one reason, to let you take a stab at Mr. Brown Eye.  No pun intended.  Of course, you are cleaning your anus for the prison sentence that follows after heeding my advice.

You said anal

[Pell City Tiger]

The only reason this is acceptable, is if you get to have non stop anal sex afterwards.  The woman is obviously cleaning her pipes for one reason, to let you take a stab at Mr. Brown Eye.