I’m tired

[Kaos]

I didn’t watch much of it today.  Why? Because we got about what I unfortunately expected.  Outstanding defense and warmed over bird shit offense. 

I don’t think we need any bigger sample size.  

In his 10 years as OC/HC this monkey fuck coach has produced two and one half offenses that were not complete abortions.  He has NEVER — and I mean NEVER — had a quarterback improve under his tutelage.  

Nix has talent — or so I’ve heard.  He looks like a ten-year old girl playing flag football in front of her grandmother’s house.  That’s on Gus.  Period. 

I realize Dickfuck Jones at Alabama has the benefit of a line that holds on every play and receivers that are running with nobody within ten yards of them.  But that worthless piece of shit looks like a QB. He’s at least hitting the receivers who are open.  

I’m tired of this dumbass, hard headed, scoring-points-is-like-shitting-a-watermelon motherfucker.  I’m tired of watching him squander some of the best defenses I’ve seen at Auburn since Dye-Tuberville.  

This clown’s “offense” is painful to watch.  It’s a bag of wet dirty turds.  It’s fucking embarrassing.  

LSU’s defense is mediocre. They are going to lose games.  But Gus and his limp dick offense couldn’t take advantage. 

I’m sick of it.  

[bottomfeeder]

It's best that I not comment too much. I'm so frustrated about the whole ordeal. Hell, they beat us with field position and time of possession alone.

[djsimp]

Well, it's the same ole same ole. The defense keeps things together as long as they can yet again while the offense looks like garbage. Frustrating. I had to turn away so many times in the 2nd half so I didnt have to watch the catastrophe. There is so much I could say about the play calling as could all of us. Instead, it could easily be summarized by pointing out Whitlow comes into the game to run the Mildcat (that so called secret is stupid in of itself) rather than Gatewood. That play gained hardly nothing and put Whitlow in risk of further injuring his knee, if in fact he is injured. I mean, at the very least Gatewood poses a threat to pass the dang ball and let's not forget he is an actual duel threat QB. That's just one example of many offensive play calling jokes. Two years in a row, Gus gets out coached by Farmer Fran. If Gus is HC next, I'd be willing to bet he wont have Steele as DC.

[bottomfeeder]

Can it get any worse? YES. Wait until next year, when the Gus Bus finally has to leave. Young Oline and Dline could prove hazardous to Gus' tenure. Definitely want to keep Steele, but he has to be frustrated with Gus too. I would be. It also doesn't help that the defense was held all night. The facepages are loaded with screenshots of holding.

[Kaos]

It's not even really playcalling.  

Everything we do on offense looks tentative, confused and like we really haven't practiced it much.  Yes, Nix sucks like a brand-new Dyson but whose fault is that?  

How many SHITACULAR offenses has this so-called offensive-mastermind thrown out there?  

1. Trotter/Turtle
2. Jeremy Johnson
3. Sean White/Johnson/Franklin
4. Stidham last year looked like a damned baby waddling around with a dirty diaper 

Nick for a season and a half overcame his hard-headed shit because we had an outstanding offensive line (that he didn't recruit) and good running backs.  Cam was the eighth wonder of the world and covered an asston of deficiencies.  

Stidham turned it on for two games when Kerryon was running the ball 80 times a game.  Other than that?  Our offense is a vast wasteland of dried up acrid shit and bumfuckery the likes of which I haven't seen since I ran the seventh grade team out there for their first time in pads.  

Player development under Gus is horrible.  Name a single offensive player who improved over their Auburn career.  One.  Just one fucking player who got better.  I'm trying and I can't think of a single one.  I can think of an assload that came in with a lot of fanfare and then regressed into baboon shit (or got kicked off the team).  Can't think of any whose ability or understanding of the game was enhanced by Mr. Whizzard one single iota.  

Adjustments are just as bad. He's never been able to look at the situation and go "hey, let's do something different" unless that something different is a fucktarded dipsy doodle quadruple reverse swing pass to a fan in the 14th row.  

I listened to his mealy-mouthed post-game and wanted to throw up on his vest and then beat the shit out of him.  

Could it be worse?  Hell, I guess we could be Tennessee or some shit like that but on days like today I just wonder if that wouldn't be better.  It disgusts me to watch this magnificent defense wasted by his bull-headed ineptitude on offense.  

A good offense under Gus is the motherfucking anomaly, not a bad one.  Fuck that dude.  

Our offensive staff?  

1. Dip Dillyshit -- a fucking "yes man", co-OC with no actual coordination duties and little history.  And he's the "quarterbacks coach"  Fuck me running.  
2. Kodi Fucking Burns -- a fucking "yes man", co-OC with no actual coordination duties.  And he's the WR coach.  Our receivers are the second-worst coached group in college football -- behind our quarterbacks. 
3. Larry Porter -- H-Backs.  Who the fuck is Larry Porter and do we even HAVE a fucking H-Back?  
4. Carnell Williams - I loved Carnell.  Good guy.  But he's our RBs coach.  No coaching history to speak of. We hired him away from the Birmingham Iron.   On any other staff he'd be a damned GA while he got some experience.  
5. Cryptkeeper Grimes - OL.  Another "yes man" who owes Gus personally.  

There's nothing in that group that offers anything in the way of different ideas or innovation.  Nobody to punch Gus in the nuts when he needs it.  

I'm tired.  I'm so so tired.  I'm tired of watching this mastermind's offenses flop and flail around like a gutted fish on the deck of a sinking ship.  

Ed Orgeron is 50 times the head coach Malzahn is.  At least.  

And I'm telling you now, LSU is going to get its shit pushed in at least twice this season.  They did not beat us, our own complete and total failure to prepare the players on offense or develop anything that resembled a major college offensive gameplan did that.  

where's the tylenol?

[CCTAU]

You people just shut up. Leave Malzahn alone. You’ll see . That monkey WILL impregnate that football. You just wait and see!

[Kaos]

You people just shut up. Leave Malzahn alone. You’ll see . That monkey WILL impregnate that football. You just wait and see!

Actual sketch stolen from Gus Malzahn's playbook versus LSU. 

[bottomfeeder]

Actual sketch stolen from Gus Malzahn's playbook versus LSU.

I'd good money to see a Gus-Monkey commercial along the lines of the Trunk Monkey.

[CCTAU]

I wish Auburn’s offense had an onion volcano...

[Kaos]

https://www.al.com/auburnfootball/2019/10/auburn-has-the-best-defense-no-one-is-ever-going-to-remember.html

The best defense no one will remember.  

Fuck you, Gus. 

[jmar]

Obviously stuck with Gus and this entire offensive staff. 
Like to see Gatewood take over so Nix won't become the focal point of fan frustration. This offense is horrible to the core.

[GH2001]

Obviously stuck with Gus and this entire offensive staff.
Like to see Gatewood take over so Nix won't become the focal point of fan frustration. This offense is horrible to the core.

I think you have to TRY Gatewood at this point. Nix is in way over his head right now. He will be fine versus Ole Miss and the other cupcake in NOV but against the big boys he just looks lost. The Ga game may end up being a 10-7 affair.

[Kaos]

I think you have to TRY Gatewood at this point. Nix is in way over his head right now. He will be fine versus Ole Miss and the other cupcake in NOV but against the big boys he just looks lost. The Ga game may end up being a 10-7 affair.

It won't matter.  Gus could take John Elway, Peyton Manning, Tom Brady and Brett Favre and not manage to do shit with them.  

Look around you, Ellen!  

Florida's QB goes down.  His backup comes into the game and they keep moving the ball. 
SC's QB goes down.  Next man up is prepared. 
Alabama's QB goes down.  Some skinny drizzle ass twig  comes in and plays like a champ

ANYWHERE else that's what happens.  

And look at us.  Kerryon goes down and we don't have a single RB capable of even handling a pitch.  The entire offense grinds to a halt.  We've never, ever, ever, ever had a capable backup QB under Gus because we rarely have a capable starter.  The man fucks quarterbacks up.  

I don't want to go through some long walk through the desert like Tennessee has or FSU is doing now, but what's the point of recruiting well and having one of the best defenses in the country when you've got the fucking Keystone Cops running the offense?  

I'm not even mad.  I've just seen all I want to see of this tentative, no-route-running, weak-ass OL, unprepared, badly schemed, clusterfuck on the field.  Look at this asshole's history?  75% of the time that's what his offense looks like.   A shitty 1A high school team. 

It's disheartening. It's defeating. It's depressing.  

How many times do we have to listen to this needle dick stand up there and say "that's on me..."  Well no shit Fucklock.  It's on you. Egg all over your stupid boomface.  

I've heard people talk about how close we played LSU.  That's horseshit.  There was never any real possibility we would win that game.  Gus made sure of that before they ever got off the bus.  

He does not know how to prepare a team.  Our QBs (all the way back to Cam) display shockingly bad mechanics and it never gets better.  We bash the hell out of Turtle Moseley but have you ever looked at his high school film?  He was a better QB at Leroy than he was after Gus' "training"  

Gustard is a fucking private high school coach and that's all he'll ever be.  Even while he bathes in money, he's no more adept than any other prep coach bouncing around out there.  

Okay, I'm a little mad. 

[oldautiger]

It won't matter.  Gus could take John Elway, Peyton Manning, Tom Brady and Brett Favre and not manage to do shit with them. 

Look around you, Ellen! 

Florida's QB goes down.  His backup comes into the game and they keep moving the ball.
SC's QB goes down.  Next man up is prepared.
Alabama's QB goes down.  Some skinny drizzle ass twig  comes in and plays like a champ

ANYWHERE else that's what happens. 

And look at us.  Kerryon goes down and we don't have a single RB capable of even handling a pitch.  The entire offense grinds to a halt.  We've never, ever, ever, ever had a capable backup QB under Gus because we rarely have a capable starter.  The man fucks quarterbacks up. 

I don't want to go through some long walk through the desert like Tennessee has or FSU is doing now, but what's the point of recruiting well and having one of the best defenses in the country when you've got the fucking Keystone Cops running the offense? 

I'm not even mad.  I've just seen all I want to see of this tentative, no-route-running, weak-ass OL, unprepared, badly schemed, clusterfuck on the field.  Look at this asshole's history?  75% of the time that's what his offense looks like.  A shitty 1A high school team.

It's disheartening. It's defeating. It's depressing. 

How many times do we have to listen to this needle dick stand up there and say "that's on me..."  Well no shit Fucklock.  It's on you. Egg all over your stupid boomface. 

I've heard people talk about how close we played LSU.  That's horseshit.  There was never any real possibility we would win that game.  Gus made sure of that before they ever got off the bus. 

He does not know how to prepare a team.  Our QBs (all the way back to Cam) display shockingly bad mechanics and it never gets better.  We bash the hell out of Turtle Moseley but have you ever looked at his high school film?  He was a better QB at Leroy than he was after Gus' "training" 

Gustard is a fucking private high school coach and that's all he'll ever be.  Even while he bathes in money, he's no more adept than any other prep coach bouncing around out there. 

Okay, I'm a little mad.

Agree
Fuck Georgia 
Fuck bammer
 and FUCK GUS

[The Six]

It's time to accept reality, folks. This is what we are. 9-3/8-4/7-5. Third, Fourth, or Fifth in the SEC West. We dominate the Mississippi teams, Arkansas, and swap punches with aTm. Alabama and LSU are ahead and will stay there. Though, on occasion, we snake bite Alabama, it doesn't change their overall trajectory. Whereas, once Auburn beats Alabama, the glorious tailspin that follows gets deeper and deeper. 

So, we have four choices, as I see it. 
1. Support the team, roll with the punches, be happy with what we have and get. 
b. Give up on the football team, lean into the basketball, softball, baseball, and animal-wrangling teams.  
III. Keep riding the roller coaster that is Auburn football fandom knowing the toll will be heavy. 
Quatro. Picket the BoT, burn merch, return and refuse tickets until TPTB fire the Gustav and hire...another one just like him? 

It's frustrating, infuriating, and annoying, but that is life as an Auburn fan. Highs and lows. Hills and valleys. Genius and stupidity. 

[djsimp]

It's not even really playcalling. 

You are right, it isn't but that one example explains a lot that is wrong with Gus and what Gus at the helm does to this team. The play itself, the mindset to call that play, the design of the play, the personnel........etc. This thinking infects the whole program, how can it not? 

[Snaggletiger]

I met two guys in a bar Saturday night.  It was magical.  Srsly, I was in New Orleans this weekend and Saturday night, a bunch of folks were arriving back at the hotel after the game.  I had a conversation with two guys who were actually in town for the N.O./Arizona game on Sunday, but had been invited by a friend to go to the game in Baton Rude.  They had no dog in the fight and were just happy to take in a college game in that atmosphere. 

Their impression was simple.  Both very talented but watching the two team's offenses were night and day.  They described LSU as surgical and looked like they knew exactly what they wanted to do on every play.  The exact opposite was the case for Auburn.  They said it looked like there was no game plan and the coordinator was winging it every series, hoping something worked.

So, if you take the bias out of it, take off the orange and blue sunglasses, take off the purple and yellow shades....that's pretty much what it is. 

[AUJarhead]

So, if you take the bias out of it, take off the orange and blue sunglasses, take off the purple and yellow shades....that's pretty much what it is.

That sounds remarkably like what we've been saying for about 5 years now.

[Snaggletiger]

That sounds remarkably like what we've been saying for about 5 years now.

Bullshit!!!  3 1/2 maybe.  4 at the most.

Here's the thing, when I talk to non-Auburn fans and try to explain why I'm not happy with this or that when it comes to football, most look at me like I'm crazy and ask why we don't like Gus Malzahn.  He's a great coach.  He took y'all to the MNC game.

Like most fans passionate about their team, we follow it.  We break down every play.  "Damn it, Gus.  you have two downs to make 4 yards and you try and fling it 40 yards downfield."  It was almost affirming to hear some totally unbiased fans watch an Auburn game and their observation is, "One team knows that they're doing.  The other has no clue." 

[The Six]

Bullshoot!!!  3 1/2 maybe.  4 at the most.

Here's the thing, when I talk to non-Auburn fans and try to explain why I'm not happy with this or that when it comes to football, most look at me like I'm crazy and ask why we don't like Gus Malzahn.  He's a great coach.  He took y'all to the MNC game.

Like most fans passionate about their team, we follow it.  We break down every play.  "Damn it, Gus.  you have two downs to make 4 yards and you try and fling it 40 yards downfield."  It was almost affirming to hear some totally unbiased fans watch an Auburn game and their observation is, "One team knows that they're doing.  The other has no clue."

To that point...EX NFL GM "Auburn ‘might have the best team in the country’ if not for Malzahn’s ‘horrible’ offense"

https://www.al.com/sports/2019/10/ex-nfl-gm-auburn-might-have-the-best-team-in-the-country-if-not-for-malzahns-offense.html?fbclid=IwAR36JoE-YMOq6_GqXfoeftXTuSgk56wmSUVArMEL9XMpHHcipEhBJeWEeuM

"“That’s the worst offense I’ve ever seen,” Lombardi said. “(Malzahn) has no idea how to throw the football. Zero. Zero. All he does is scream at the players. He has no idea how to throw the football. He has no passing game.”"