Wrapping Up Week Five (Now PG-13)

[The Six]

Auburn
It took us seven hours to beat Southern Miss 24-13 and looked like crap the whole time. Sunshine pumpers will tell people like me to ingest more "creed" and "not be a Bammer-wannabe" and if that's what passes for support these days, you can keep it. This offense is screwed. Beyond screwed. Kevin Steele looks like he could go Buddy Ryan on Gus' Kevin Gilbride if he gets close enough. Auburn will probably continue to win because there's some real trash coming up on the schedule, but November is going to be harsh. And think about this - these are the best offensive players. Imagine if injuries start taking toll. Can't wait for that rematch with UCF in the some bowl so they can blow our doors off again.

Alabama
When they hand Tonguedepresser the Heisman trophy, it will only pale in least deserving to when they gave it to the PED-popping Ewok in 2009. This guy gets to launch insane numbers against what has to be the worst schedule any Power 5 team is playing and the media laps it up like Prowler at a Bernie Sanders rally. Screw everything about that guy and that team. Oh, at least Taco Bell won't be awarding that spoiled-rotten student section anything.

Rest of the SEC
Hot garbage. Kentucky - sit down. No one is impressed with you. Same for you too, Georgia. Dawgs are only in the position they are in because of how stupidly bad the SEC EAST continues to be.

Clemson/ACC
Frigging lucky. And nice try to be hard like your daddy Saban, Dabo, but you would have sucked Kelly Bryant dry to come back if you hadn't squeaked by Syracuse. Enjoy the anal violation coming your way in the playoffs. The rest of your conference plain sucks.


Oklahoma/West Virginia/Big12
Might be two entertaining games at the end of the year if you like video game offense. (Makes me sad to see because we have the offensive genius and look like a monkey self-pleasure a banana while pooping on a football.) The rest of the BIG 12 is rust belt garbage.

Ohio State/BIG10
Go cut yourselves, smug arse Ohio State. Penn State's coaching staff took a page out of the Gus Bus offense and gifted you a game. Enjoy the equally sphincter numbing anal violation coming your way in the playoffs. Urban should take more of that medicine that helps him forget.

PAC12
I'd rather down a 12-pack of Icehouse at room temperature than watch the crap-tastic brand of football west of the Rockies. Washington still can't figure out how they lost to Auburn. Oh, wait. Because they too "pulled a Gus" and ran an option play with a non-option QB and it cost them. The Rose Bowl sucks, by the way.

[The Prowler]

"Adult Language" indeed...golly gee

[GH2001]

"Adult Language" indeed...golly gee

Yeah. Because boom muthabitches with a gold pimp cup is so much more fulfilling for the board. 

[The Prowler]

Yeah. Because boom muthabitches with a gold pimp cup is so much more fulfilling for the board.

Well...yeah.

I don't know about everyone else but this describes the Auburn offense to a fuckin T...

"(Auburn's offense) looks like a monkey self-pleasuring a banana while pooping on a football"

[wesfau2]

We're furked.

[Kaos]

Auburn? 



A&M, Mississippi State, Clemson, Vanderbilt, Arkansas, Florida, South Carolina, Tennessee, Penn State, South Alabama, Ole Miss, the entire Pac10...? 

[WiregrassTiger]

We're furked.

I got news for you pal. They’re gonna nail us no matter what we do. We might as well have a good time.

[AUJarhead]

It’s sad when we have to Boom field goals. 

[Kaos]

It’s sad when we have to Boom field goals.

Against Southern Miss. 

[oldautiger]

I got news for you pal. They’re gonna nail us no matter what we do. We might as well have a good time

Road Trip

[The Prowler]

It’s sad when we have to Boom field goals.

Against Southern Miss.

On 4th & 1 at the 6 yard line.

[Kaos]

On 4th & 1 at the 6 yard line.

boom

[Godfather]

On 4th & 1 at the 6 yard line.

Had to put the ballgame out of reach (smh)

[The Prowler]

Had to put the ballgame out of reach (smh)

Smh

[Snaggletiger]

Here's the deal.  We're 4-1 and #8 in the AP poll.  About 115 teams would kill for that.  Okay, that's the extent of the good news.  None of us are blind.  I think we can all agree that right now, we're the worst top 10 team in the bunch.  By a pretty wide margin.  And 2-3 weeks from now, we could very well be long gone from the top 25. 

Our D is off the charts.  I'll go to battle against anybody in the country with that D.  Bar none.  But, our offense is absolutely anemic.  I'm not smart enough to know how to fix it.  We all see obvious things that seemingly could easily be corrected.  You have to think guys that live, eat and breathe this shit 24/7 and get paid millions to do it, can see it too.  Right? I'm not going to go into specifics. It's been hashed, rehashed and sautéed 1,000 times. 

So, for the time being, I'm going to hold out hope that this staff can perform a Holy Unfucking and get this bunch to start playing like we've all seen in years past.  I'm gonna' be honest, it's a slim hope.  I've made my feelings on Gus well known for a long time now.  But, I'm going to shut the hell up and hope they can get a road win against a downtrodden MSU and then get that shit together against a really bad Tennessee team before we head down the stretch.  6-1 and top 10 sounds mighty good.    

[Godfather]

So, for the time being, I'm going to hold out hope that this staff can perform a Holy Unfucking and get this bunch to start playing like we've all seen in years past.  I'm gonna' be honest, it's a slim hope.  I've made my feelings on Gus well known for a long time now.  But, I'm going to shut the hell up and hope they can get a road win against a downtrodden MSU and then get that shit together against a really bad Tennessee team before we head down the stretch.  6-1 and top 10 sounds mighty good.   

Just don't hold your breath.

Gus Malzahn says the key to turning around Auburn football's struggling offense can be ... “Execution-wise, we've got to get better, specifically on our offense. Sep 9, 2017


“Yeah, we've got to get better. I've been saying that,” Malzahn said. Sep 29, 2018

[Snaggletiger]

Just don't hold your breath.

Gus Malzahn says the key to turning around Auburn football's struggling offense can be ... “Execution-wise, we've got to get better, specifically on our offense. Sep 9, 2017


“Yeah, we've got to get better. I've been saying that,” Malzahn said. Sep 29, 2018

Well, they're just trying to get better every week.

[WiregrassTiger]

I'm not smart enough

We should celebrate moments of clarity and when people realize their own self-worth. And, encourage them to keep trying.

[CCTAU]

We should celebrate moments of clarity and when people realize their own self-worth. And, encourage them to keep trying.

Good job WT. Way to go son. Keep up the good work...

[Buzz Killington]

Sooooo...the answer is right there in front of us all.

The Tigers of the University of Auburn only have to do one thing.  They've got to get better.


Now give me my $7M