The New Rudolph
Rudolph new he was different almost from birth. He didn't look like the other reindeer. His nose was different from the rest. It glowed and the light it gave off blinded those around him.
When Rudolph started Sleigh Driving School other reindeer parents complained that the light from his nose was distracting to their fawns. They couldn't see the blackboard and it emitted a screeching hum when it went off. Rudolph was placed in a separate class with his own private instructor. His parents sued the school district and Santa Claus personally claiming discrimination. The school was required to place Rudolph back in the regular classroom.
As he matured, Rudolph continued to feel different. He started wearing false eyelashes and high hooves. He took to calling himself Roena. When he was excluded from the annual Reindeer Games because he identified himself as a girl and the Games were for male reindeer trying out to pull Santa's sleigh, his parents sued again. In a momentous decision, driving the sleigh was deemed to be gender neutral. All reindeer, male and female, must be allowed to compete.
In the first year of the genderless games, no females passed the strenuous physical requirements. A lawsuit followed and the qualification standards were adjusted for female entrants. In another landmark decision, the North Pole Court also decreed that henceforth the sleigh team must consist of at least three females.
Roena first passed the sleigh driving qualifications on his/her first try. After being hired for the team, Roena went on strike and demanded higher wages for all reindeer. Santa himself came down to negotiate. In a fatherly tone, Santa said "Look, son, this is an honorary position. We all do this for free out of the spirit of love and sharing."
Roena was triggered and shouted into Santa's face: "How dare you define me by my gender! Son? My gender is irrelevant. I am neither male nor female deer!!"
With a twinkle in his eye, Santa peered around the table and said, "well what's that ball sack doing hanging back there?"
Further triggered, Roena called Gloria Allred and filed charges of sexual harassment against Santa. Once Roena's charges were made public, several of the elves admitted that Santa had patted them on the head. One female Elf claimed that Santa had called her to his office after a particularly stressful day of making dolls and offered her his candy cane. Looking back, she saw now that he was assaulting her although at the time, she had taken the candy cane and licked it.
Santa threw coal at the proceedings.
Facing a growing surge of public backlash, Santa resigned from his position. Dasher, Dancer, Prancer and Comet were also forced out of the reindeer team when random does accused them of unwanted butt sniffing.
Roena appointed him/herself in charge of the annual deliveries and attempted to get the team together. Sadly the sleigh could not get off the ground because the female reindeer assigned to the team did not have the ability to fly. Flight was a male-only capability.
Roena declared flight to be an unfair advantage and railed loud and long against flight privilege.
Christmas was canceled.
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