*for tards
With the football season upon us, I am bestowing information so that you can avoid being the knuckle-draggingest sped at your next watch party. I know it's a futile effort, but you're my favorite group of window-lickers and I want to give you power in the form of information, you poor, impotent bastards.
1) You may have a bias for or against some person, entity or concept.
2) You may idiomatically cut an item (food, wood, etc) on the bias.
3) You may, if you are putting your (#1) bias into play while making a decision or producing some product, be biased.
4) Your favorite player may be a member of Auburn's wide receiver corps, but that doesn't mean he's the core of the team.
5) Boise State made it sexy and it's the schoolyard dream of every 8 year-old-Favre, but the goddamned play is called the "Hook and Lateral."
6) If your offense is sputtering on its first two drives, the last fucking thing in the world you want is for it to get "untracked." Ever seen a train that got itself "untracked?" I guess I did...the Auburn offense in Starkville in 2008. You want your shit ON TRACK...and preferably running on time.
7) Everybody on the field, wearing a team jersey is a "football player" an "athlete" or is somehow engaged in a "football play." Diving for the ball isn't an "athletic play on the football."
Feel free to add your cliche, pet peeve or dumbfuck idiom.
12 Replies
1600 Views