There was a time before last summer when I assumed I'd never have the chance to see Elton John in concert.
And then he came to Jazzfest in New Orleans where I saw a tiny speck many miles away that was supposed to be Elton John, but I couldn't really hear over a pack of assholes in front of me talking about Ole Miss/Mississippi State football.
Then he came to the Midtown Music Festival in Atlanta in the fall. Smaller crowd, but still a ways back. Could see him on the two screens, and see him a little bit on stage. Sounded great, but was outside so the acoustics were a little thin.
I was fine with that. I'd seen Elton John. And then I found out he was coming to Mobile to play the Civic Center (an arena that was scheduled for demolition 15 days ago, but now has new life thanks to Captain Fantastic). This time I was gonna see. Seats in the first dozen rows. Absolutely amazing show.
The dude is nearly 70. He played for over two and a half hours with no breaks. Voice didn't sound strained and the piano work was awe inspiring. He can pound a keyboard. Just to hear all those songs you've known all your life performed live was stupendous.
The only thing that marred the concert at all was the staggeringly drunk son of a bitch who pounced on the seats next to me when the couple that was originally there left. His eye-rollingly intoxicated whore crowded in next to me, kept whipping her filthy hair into my face, spilling drinks on me, sucking on a vape and gagging clouds of noxious-smelling fumes out, and slamming up against me. The drunk fuck with her kept sticking his hands down her silky looking slacks, tongue wrestling with her, ramming his hand against her cooz while "dancing" and when she would sit down he'd grab her hair and push her face into his crotch rubbing it on what I assumed to be his tiny weiner. This was also considered "dancing." After the third drink spill I got security to move them back to where they came from (he slurred something about row 32). Less than two songs later, the fuckholes stumble-danced right back to the same spot and started slamming into me, flinging drinks and tossing hair again. This time they'd picked up another ragged skank and were doing a sandwich dance with the guy. The new slut was running her hands over his ass and giving him a reach around which simultaneously put her hands against the slit of the girl in front of him who was grinding like she was trying to suck a baseball bat into her vagina. Did I mention the guy was at LEAST 60? And fat? The women were well past 40? And haggard? This was no awesome side show, this was mounds of lardy misshapen flesh protruding from the wrong places. Thank goodness security dragged their nasty asses away a second time and I didn't see them again.
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