Well, that's over. One of the most numbing seasons of football in my memory. I've never watched fewer games, never been less invested, never had such a sense of "meh" in my entire life. There were weeks I forgot what time we played.
I wasn't able to watch the opener due to a Bama-biased family commitment. But I saw enough. I wasn't able to watch the JSU malfunction because I was tied up doing something else and had to endure it in a public place full of Bama fans who offered mock sympathy. In retrospect, JSU is a pretty respectable program and it was clear we took them lightly. Rather than endure the LSU debacle I opted to be in Atlanta watching Hall and Oates, Elton John, Van Halen, Billy Idol, Lenny Kravitz and Alice In Chains. I wasn't sorry I missed the humiliation.
By the time MSU came around it was clear the train was off the tracks and it just didn't seem as important any more. I watched parts of games occasionally, didn't get emotionally invested and then it just slithered along to the end. For the first time in my entire life I didn't watch a single minute of the Alabama game. That's unheard of.
It wasn't all bad. I missed having something to care passionately about, maybe, but not all that much. I just listened.
So from afar, here's what I know:
1) Bama fans are now completely and utterly convinced that their "ain't nothing but a high school coach, them gimmicks will catch up to him" bullshit is one hundred thousand percent accurate. Their dumbness knows no bounds. They're convinced that "Gus can't win without no double option QB, so he ain't no real coach." I think he made some enormous rookie-level mistakes this season, mistakes that were bred out of early successes which fueled a stubborn certainty that he had it figured out.
2) Gus can sometimes be blind him to absolute truths. Only twice in his career that I can find has he failed to adapt the offensive strategy to the strengths of his team. The first was the Trotsley abortion. He panicked too quickly, didn't give Trotter the support he needed, waffled too long making a decision and then he played quarterback shuffle. He helped destroy the confidence and careers of three different QBs - Frazier, Trotter and Moseley - during that debacle. This was way too similar to that, except Johnson was fuck-years worse than Trotter and White is fuck years better than Moseley.
3) Mississippi State fans think Dak Prescott will be the next great NFL quarterback. No way in hell. He's serviceable at best. I just don't see it. That idiot Mullen fuck in Starkville is going to regret not getting out of there when (if) he had a chance.
4) Ole Mi$$ has the number one recruiting cla$$ in the nation. They will be on probation within 48 months and likely nuked back to the stone age.
5) Alabama is the most boring football team ever. It's fans are cliched stupdity and they just aren't what they think they are. That said, they will win yet another fucking national title. The only difference between today and the 70s is that we aren't letting them reel off long runs of wins against us. We're holding our own, despite the rollercoaster. But we have to knock them in the face in 2016. It's vital. Has to be done.
6) None of the rest of it interests me all that much. Dabo Swinney is a dick with ears. I hate the motherfucker. Jimbo Fisher is a crook. Fat Bert is a piece of shit and it sickens me to watch Arkansas win anything -- although the win over Ole Miss was so fucking hilarious because it kept the Rebs out of Atlanta.
7) The fucking shit eating committee had to be doubly glad those fat hillbilly Arkansas fucks knocked off Ole Miss, otherwise they'd have to figure out some way to explain elevating SEC also-ran Alabama into the Final Four over SEC-CG participant Ole Miss. We all know that was going to happen.
8) Texas A&M is a trainwreck.
9) How come every other program in the country can get players injured and not completely fall apart. The aforementioned Texas A&M is playing the guy who washes towels at QB and hanging right in with Louisville. How many teams have we seen that are on their third or fourth string options and still balling their asses off? We can't find one. And without Carl Lawson, apparently the entire defense rolls over and plays dead. What happened to next man up?
10) Jake Coker is a health hazard to opposing players. The mountain ranges that mark his face are bound to erupt at some point and some poor defensive lineman is going to be bathed in goo.
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