Fractured Christmas Carols

[Kaos]

Anybody else remember the Fractured Fairy Tales that used to be on Bullwinkle and Rocky?  I liked those things. 

So today I'm driving along with Christmas music playing on the radio looking at the snarl of traffic that always announces the Christmas shopping season around here.  And I'm sort of humming along without realizing that I'm making up my own words as I go along.  So here's my first fractured Christmas carol.  There may be more. 

Stay At Home
Dean Martin

Oh the traffic outside is frightful
I wish I had a rifle
Since you've nowhere to go
Stay at home, stay at home, stay at home

It doesn't show signs of stopping
All these bastards shopping
What time do these stores close?
Stay at home, stay at home, stay at home

If this stupid red light would change
How I wish I could stomp on the gas
Get out of my fucking lane
Before I whip your slow ass

The horns just keep on honking
It would be much faster walking
I wish I was getting stoned...
Stay at home, stay at home stay at home

[CCTAU]

Counseling...
You need it!

[Kaos]

Counseling...
You need it!

Counseling, counseling, I should go
I can hear the voices
Counseling, counseling, yes I know
Could maybe stop the noises

Screaming at me in my head
How I wish that they were dead

Ding dong, ding dong
The voices keep on screaming

Counseling counseling, go downtown
Voices keep on screaming
Counseling counseling, is that a clown?
Is it his voice that's screaming?

Mark ye well these words I shout
Fuck with me, I'll take you out

Ding, dong, ding, dong
The voices keep on screaming.

[jmar]

You're just hearing your own screams.
Try not to scare any small children. You should be fine.