Shine On with the light on

[Buzz Killington]

http://now8news.com/jimmy-dean-sausage-in-walmart-bathroom/

Woman Arrested For Masturbating With Jimmy Dean Sausage In Walmart Bathroom

News 8 Louisiana –  Police are calling this a crime of the unthinkable, something that most people would never imagine doing. On Monday, police were called to a Louisiana Walmart under the suspicion that a customer was shoplifting food. According to the complaint, a Walmart worker radioed security about a suspicious woman in the meat aisle. Security cameras filmed 33-year-old Shaniqua Johnson shoving sausages under her shirt. CCTV footage then shows the woman walking to the bathroom, where she remained for at least 30 minutes.

The male security guard says he knocked on the bathroom door several times but the woman did not respond. He then announced he was entering. What he found behind the door of the unlocked stall is something he said will “haunt his dreams forever.” The security guard reports when he entered the stall, Johnson was inappropriately pleasing herself with a Jimmy Dean package of sausage. He said that when he entered “She didn’t even stop. She just stared at me and kept going.”

Shocked, and also frightened for his safety due to the fact that Johnson is a “big girl,” the 140 pound security guard said he ran out until police arrived. When they did, female officers entered the restroom with Johnson still “putting in work with the sausage.” All in all, it took 7 police officers to restrain Johnson and pry the victimized sausage out of the woman’s hands. She was arrested and taken into custody where she was charged with shoplifting, indecent exposure, and resisting arrest. Walmart management said in no way do they tolerate this type of behavior. They have a strict policy against shoplifters and a sign on the bathroom door that clearly reads, “No merchandise allowed beyond this point.”

[Pell City Tiger]

She was making Jimmy Dean's link sizzle.

[bgreene]

Talk about a bad smell

[Hogwally]

     Have you seen the pic?  Somewhere Jimmy Dean is throwing up.

[Jumbo]

You gotta love the effort.

[chinook]

damn I feel bad for Bob Evans.  He's getting sloppy seconds.

[DnATL]

Tennessee Pride?
(Louisiana Shame)

[Godfather]

Fake story

[Buzz Killington]

Fake story

The term "victimized sausage" gave it away, huh?

[WiregrassTiger]

I support Buzz and have never known of him to compromise his journalistic integrity by posting something that he hasn't personally fact checked.

[Buzz Killington]

I support Buzz and have never known of him to compromise his journalistic integrity by posting something that he hasn't personally fact checked.

My sources are never wrong.  I mean, just the other day I was talking to my biggest news source...let's just call him Tete Phamel.  He told me that I could trust anything he reported to me 1000%.

[DnATL]

The term "victimized sausage" gave it away, huh?

#porklinksmatter

[CCTAU]

Damn. They had to throw that sausage away. I'm sure it had all thawed out by then....

[Pell City Tiger]

Damn. They had to throw that sausage away. I'm sure it had all thawed out by then....

There may be some truth to this story afterall. It could be the explanation as to why human DNA has been found in some hotdogs.