Cool Story Bro

wesfau2 · « **Reply #20 on:** August 20, 2015, 10:07:10 PM »

Quote from: GH2001 on August 20, 2015, 01:22:10 PM

Im gonna get me one of those cool tassles for my hat so I can blend in.

You ain't cool til you infiltrate the JP crew breakfast in the basement of the new student union.

Kaos · « **Reply #21 on:** August 21, 2015, 11:33:07 AM »

So I have to go to the doctor. Routine stuff. 50 now and doc wants routine tests. Sets me up with a GI place. Appointment at 9:15. I get there at 9. Woman behind the glass shoves a clipboard at me with a stack of papers. No words. Just the shove.

Ok. I'm trying to fill it out. Some of it I'm not sure about. So I go ask her a question. She sighs, rolls her eyes and says "what does it say to put there?" Ok. Fine.

Get to the part about payment. It says I have to put my copay. It's different everywhere I go. I don't know if they mean for a procedure or office visit. So I ask her that. She snaps back some shit about why don't I know my own copay? Fuck her. I just write a number.

Getting toward the end and there's this whole other thing about living will or something. I stupidly decide to ask for clarification because I have a living will on file already.

She says "if you're gonna keep having these questions we many need to just make your appointment for another day so you can have time to fill things out. We are busy here." There's a folded magazine and a drink on the desk next to her.

And my anger flares.

I invite her to take the clipboard and shove it so far up her ass she'll need to make an appointment with an ENT to have it removed. The mostly full waiting room -- all apparently victims of her abuse at some point I suppose -- erupts in laughter.

I leave.

Now who am I going to get to run a flashlight up my ass?

Ogre · « **Reply #22 on:** August 21, 2015, 11:47:08 AM »

Quote from: Kaos on August 21, 2015, 11:33:07 AM

Now who am I going to get to run a flashlight up my ass?

I know a few guys around here who would take you up on that.

My dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer a few years ago. They told me then that when I turned 35 I needed to start getting checked as a precaution. It was no big deal then because I was in my late 20's and that seemed like a long time away. Well, I turned 35 in January and my wife is constantly nagging me about it. Is it as bad as I think it will be?

dallaswareagle · « **Reply #23 on:** August 21, 2015, 11:51:17 AM »

Quote from: Ogre on August 21, 2015, 11:47:08 AM

I know a few guys around here who would take you up on that.

My dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer a few years ago. They told me then that when I turned 35 I needed to start getting checked as a precaution. It was no big deal then because I was in my late 20's and that seemed like a long time away. Well, I turned 35 in January and my wife is constantly nagging me about it. Is it as bad as I think it will be?

The exam? nope easy as pie, your asleep. The night before is the bitch, eating nothing but Jell-O and soup broth while taking something to clean out your body so the camera can get a clean view is really no fun. Lets just say you'll be sitting a lot in the bathroom.

Your pretty hungry the next morning after your Hollywood debut.

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #24 on:** August 21, 2015, 12:11:58 PM »

I've had 2 colonoscopies. Dallas is spot on. Be very close to the shitter after you take whatever they tell you to take. Get ready for some turbo Power Ranger ass eruptions. After the exam, you don't even know you had anything done.

dallaswareagle · « **Reply #25 on:** August 21, 2015, 12:21:21 PM »

Quote from: Snaggletiger on August 21, 2015, 12:11:58 PM

I've had 2 colonoscopies. Dallas is spot on. Be very close to the shitter after you take whatever they tell you to take. Get ready for some turbo Power Ranger ass eruptions. After the exam, you don't even know you had anything done.

And make sure you get some pictures of your doctors work. It's KEEN.

Kaos · « **Reply #26 on:** August 21, 2015, 12:52:36 PM »

Quote from: Ogre on August 21, 2015, 11:47:08 AM

I know a few guys around here who would take you up on that.

My dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer a few years ago. They told me then that when I turned 35 I needed to start getting checked as a precaution. It was no big deal then because I was in my late 20's and that seemed like a long time away. Well, I turned 35 in January and my wife is constantly nagging me about it. Is it as bad as I think it will be?

The colonoscopy is different from the prostate.

Colonoscopy you shit like a rabbit that ate a box of Ex-Lax for like five hours. Then they put you to sleep. When you wake up you fart like you've never farted before. You could start your own band. I've had three. The first was great. I hallucinated for almost a whole day from the anesthesia. Talking sheep to be exact. They were hilarious. The second time was not memorable. The third, I woke up before I was supposed to and fought with the black girls in the operating room. That wasn't good.

Prostate is a fist up your ass and somebody gouging around in there with a garden shovel.

Mooooon River....

dallaswareagle · « **Reply #27 on:** August 21, 2015, 01:02:29 PM »

Which ever one you need, get it. Yes, its a pain in the ass (

) but worth it should they find something, early detection.

This is what makes this board the best, we have gone from a guy standing in line at a bank to flashlights up the butt.

GH2001 · « **Reply #28 on:** August 21, 2015, 01:50:14 PM »

Quote from: Kaos on August 21, 2015, 12:52:36 PM

Prostate is a fist up your ass and somebody gouging around in there with a garden shovel.

Couldnt have described it better.

Only had one once but was enough to mentally scar me. We aren't all as versed in this practice as

.

GH2001 · « **Reply #29 on:** August 21, 2015, 01:51:47 PM »

Quote from: dallaswareagle on August 21, 2015, 01:02:29 PM

Which ever one you need, get it. Yes, its a pain in the ass ( ) but worth it should they find something, early detection.

This is what makes this board the best, we have gone from a guy standing in line at a bank to flashlights up the butt.

Dont forget pancakes and the Alcazars.

Buzz Killington · « **Reply #30 on:** August 21, 2015, 01:52:11 PM »

The prostate exam is not so bad until the Doctor puts both hands on your shoulders. Then it's a little awkward.

GH2001 · « **Reply #31 on:** August 21, 2015, 01:52:47 PM »

Quote from: Buzz Killington on August 21, 2015, 01:52:11 PM

The prostate exam is not so bad until the Doctor puts both hands on your shoulders. Then it's a little awkward.

Thats just when the pregame is over and the party really starts.

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #32 on:** August 21, 2015, 01:57:45 PM »

My doc told me his prostate exam was unique in that he's gay and has no arms.

dallaswareagle · « **Reply #33 on:** August 21, 2015, 01:57:59 PM »

Quote from: GH2001 on August 21, 2015, 01:50:14 PM

Couldnt have described it better.

Only had one once but was enough to mentally scar me. We aren't all as versed in this practice as .

I am so happy that my regular Doctor is a small middle eastern women. Smallest finger in the world.

WiregrassTiger · « **Reply #34 on:** August 21, 2015, 02:41:20 PM »

As you age Ogre, it comes standard with the doc visit. I guess I assumed that you, like most of the others on here, just enjoyed having things stuck up in there.

Honestly, it's no fun but it typically lasts about maybe 15 seconds unless he finds something. I had one about 2 weeks ago and he felt something he has to keep a watch on next time. They do a PSA blood test and mine was fine but I still have to go to a urologist and get checked out.

The colonoscopy deal K is talking about is a whole different ball game. I had the light ran up da butt one time but it wasn't a full colonoscopy. I don't understand the difference but they don't go as far. Anyway, I was fully awake and alert. No meds. That part wasn't as bad as a prostate exam to me.

As K mentioned, the prep the day before was the worst part to me.

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #35 on:** August 21, 2015, 02:55:15 PM »

Had a physical a couple of months back. Doc went through everything and when I knew it was time to stop, drop and bend over, she (Yep...she) said they no longer do the anal probing and the medical profession is going away from it. She said you can only get to a portion of the prostate and if you got anything going on, it's going to show up in the PSA blood test. Talked to another doc and he agreed.

I thanked her and then stopped sweating profusely.

WiregrassTiger · « **Reply #36 on:** August 21, 2015, 03:06:23 PM »

Quote from: Snaggletiger on August 21, 2015, 02:55:15 PM

Had a physical a couple of months back. Doc went through everything and when I knew it was time to stop, drop and bend over, she (Yep...she) said they no longer do the anal probing and the medical profession is going away from it. She said you can only get to a portion of the prostate and if you got anything going on, it's going to show up in the PSA blood test. Talked to another doc and he agreed.

I thanked her and then stopped sweating profusely.

B.S. call. You were disappointed.

So, where did u go to get fingered for the day?

Had not heard that about no penetration. Nobody told my 6' 4" big fingered doc. However, he wouldn't have found the pea sized bump on my prostate without, so I'm glad he did. But he only did the Psa test after finding the bump. He said he doesn't automatically do Psa at my age because of cost. I asked how much it was and he said $16 I think. So, I'm like, "lets do it".

BTW, these prostate and colonoscopy stories are not very cool, IMO. Especially on a Friday.

Kaos · « **Reply #37 on:** August 21, 2015, 04:06:11 PM »

Quote from: Snaggletiger on August 21, 2015, 02:55:15 PM

Had a physical a couple of months back. Doc went through everything and when I knew it was time to stop, drop and bend over, she (Yep...she) said they no longer do the anal probing and the medical profession is going away from it. She said you can only get to a portion of the prostate and if you got anything going on, it's going to show up in the PSA blood test. Talked to another doc and he agreed.

I thanked her and then stopped sweating profusely.

My doctor, also a she, says that the PSA test is completely unreliable and not used any longer by reputable doctors for screening.

Snaggletiger · « **Reply #38 on:** August 21, 2015, 04:13:34 PM »

Quote from: Kaos on August 21, 2015, 04:06:11 PM

My doctor, also a she, says that the PSA test is completely unreliable and not used any longer by reputable doctors for screening.

Pffffft....you can't even get past the receptionist.

chinook · « **Reply #39 on:** August 21, 2015, 04:28:07 PM »

Quote from: Snaggletiger on August 21, 2015, 02:55:15 PM

Had a physical a couple of months back. Doc went through everything and when I knew it was time to stop, drop and bend over, she (Yep...she) said they no longer do the anal probing and the medical profession is going away from it. She said you can only get to a portion of the prostate and if you got anything going on, it's going to show up in the PSA blood test. Talked to another doc and he agreed.

I thanked her and then stopped sweating profusely.

Do you have to make a separate appointed for you balls or do they join you?