Open Golf

[Kaos]

Don't watch much golf but ended up seeing a few holes of the US Open at a hotel bar. 

The course looks like absolute hell.  The "greens" look like my neighbor's badly cut back yard.  Can't tell them from the shitty looking fairways.  I'm seeing people putting balls 20 feet past the cup up a hill so it can roll back down.  I'm watching people miss two and three foot putts because the greens are bumpy and splotchy. 

It's like a fucked up putt putt course.  Tees way up over holes and they're hitting balloon shots.  I heard somebody say this was a Robert Trent Jones course.  I've played most of the RTJ courses in Alabama and they're all really beautiful and well laid out.  This thing looks like a weedy shit hole.  It's pure fuckery. 

For the first time ever in watching the game I'm glad to see breathless coverage of every shot Tiger Woods makes.  He looks more like me playing the game than he does a professional.  He sucks.  Shitty shot after shitty shot.  I laughed when he topped a three wood because I did that last week.  But I recovered better than he did.  I am really tired of the slobbering over him and the constant refrain that he's "good for the game."  He's a shitty golfer who may or may not get better.  This is payback for the cockiness that asshole displayed early in his career.  Karma.  He deserves a full dose of it. 

[WiregrassTiger]

Don't watch much golf but ended up seeing a few holes of the US Open at a hotel bar. 

The course looks like absolute hell.  The "greens" look like my neighbor's badly cut back yard.  Can't tell them from the shitty looking fairways.  I'm seeing people putting balls 20 feet past the cup up a hill so it can roll back down.  I'm watching people miss two and three foot putts because the greens are bumpy and splotchy. 

It's like a fucked up putt putt course.  Tees way up over holes and they're hitting balloon shots.  I heard somebody say this was a Robert Trent Jones course.  I've played most of the RTJ courses in Alabama and they're all really beautiful and well laid out.  This thing looks like a weedy shit hole.  It's pure fuckery. 

For the first time ever in watching the game I'm glad to see breathless coverage of every shot Tiger Woods makes.  He looks more like me playing the game than he does a professional.  He sucks.  Shitty shot after shitty shot.  I laughed when he topped a three wood because I did that last week.  But I recovered better than he did.  I am really tired of the slobbering over him and the constant refrain that he's "good for the game."  He's a shitty golfer who may or may not get better.  This is payback for the cockiness that asshole displayed early in his career.  Karma.  He deserves a full dose of it.

I thought you were like 10 under after 4 holes a couple of weeks ago and getting ready for the Open invite. What happened?

[Snaggletiger]

Tiger was off the charts in his prime.  Tried to make every shot an ESPN Top 10 Play, and usually did.  And yes, he took golf to a whole other level with viewership and prize money.  But he's not in his prime anymore.  Far from it.  Can he work and get some of the magic back?  Sure he can.  Don't forget, the guy won 5 tournaments last year.  But his game has been in the shitter for a while now.

The media's schlobbing of the Tiger knob is far more annoying than the man himself.  He doesn't really have any control over that.  Two things that just pissed me off and prime examples of media schlobbage:

The Masters a few years back.  Tiger and Dill Pickelson are a good ways back on Sunday but both make a big charge and at one time, get within 2-3 strokes of the lead.  Angel Cabrera was leading at the time.  At one point, Tiger was waiting on the group in front of him to finish, so he stops and eats a Power Bar.   They never took the damn camera off him.  Watched him take it out of the bag, unwrap it, slowly chew every bite, drink water in between. Once he finishes and then prepares to take his shot, talk it over with his caddie then take the shot....the coverage finally goes to Cabrera.  "This is the leader a few minutes ago."  Yep, they taped the leader to play it later so we could all watch Tiger nom a chocolate bar.

The other was a tourney where Tiger and my personal fav, Ernie Els, wound up playing two, sudden death playoff holes.  They were matching each other shot for shot and the match ended when they both had almost identical putts from about 20 feet.  Tiger sank his and Els' putt pulled up short a half inch from the cup.  While Tiger is glad handing and high fiving and the announcer runs up to Els and sticks a microphone in his face and first question to Ernie was, "How amazing is Tiger?"  I thought Els was going to punch him in the forehead.  To his credit, he never mentioned Tiger and went straight into how well he played that day.

[Tiger Wench]

Thanks, K, for giving me an excuse to post this picture. Yeah, I was there last Wednesday, bitches. Stood on The Bridge. Watched a foursome tee off on 18 with a twenty-five MPH "breeze" right in their faces. It was fucking cold, and these people were playing the Old Course in their woollies. That's dedication. Best part - 9:00 at night when that pic was taken, and it was overcast but still nearly full daylight. Golf until 10:00pm. How awesome is that.

Second pic was taken from the Fairmont Clubhouse, looking back towards the Torrance Course (that's the 10th Fairway) and the village of St. Andrews and the Old Course. The two towers in the middle are the ruins of the Cathedral of St. Andrews, ca. 1159. It was already in ruins when the Spanish founded St. Augustine. Just for some perspective. That was a wild and woolly looking course - a far cry from the manicured lawns you bitches play. And these dudes play it in kilts. Sexy, y'all. 

[The Six]

Sexy, y'all.

[Kaos]

Okay, so I ended up seeing the end of this tournament. 

The course was the worst I've ever seen for a professional tournament.  It made the greatest golfers in the world look like chumps.  Balls rolling 40 or 50 feet, playing bank shots off walls.  It was just awful golf.  Like a funhouse course or something.   You shouldn't hit the fairway and have the ball roll 150 yards back down a hill into a wad of shit grass.

Speith tried to give it away with a terrible tee shot on 17.  Everybody makes a big deal out of Johnson choking the putts on 18.  But he choked similar putts on four or five other holes on the back nine.  He missed three, four, five and six footers.  He left one pussily short on 16. It wasn't the final hole that killed him it was putting nerves down the stretch entirely. 

Those are the kind of putts I miss when I try to think about them.  I don't hit them hard enough and they skate by or stop short.  Pros shouldn't do that as consistently as he did. 

Johnson gagged away the title long before he hit the green on 18. 

[dallaswareagle]

The broadcasting was worst then the golf course.

[WiregrassTiger]

The broadcasting was worst then the golf course.

Would you say it was worster then some grammar usage and spelling on the x? It's hard for me to say which is worster.

[Buzz Killington]

Would you say it was worster then some grammar usage and spelling on the x? It's hard for me to say which is worster.

You are just the worse

[WiregrassTiger]

You are just the worse

Worse then what?

[Jumbo]

Worser.

[Tiger Wench]

I had an amazing cheddar wurst at dinner the other night at this new little German restaurant.  Served with hot fresh pretzel bread and spicy mustard.  Delish.

[Tiger Wench]

Were you lying down when you took these shots or are the hills that steep?

I was drunk.

[jmar]

I was drunk.

And?

[dallaswareagle]

I was drunk.

Night putting with mitch kumstein? 

[WiregrassTiger]

Night putting with mitch kumstein?

Not putting. Driving. With the long wood.

[Snaggletiger]

Not putting. Driving. With the long wood.

Uh huh huh Uuhh huh huh.....wood.