Save the Planet!

[Buzz Killington]

One stroke at a time.

http://uproxx.com/technology/2015/02/pornhubs-new-wearable-tech-lets-you-use-masturbation-to-power-your-smartphone/?utm_source=twitter&utm_medium=twitter&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+uproxx%2Ffeatures+%28Uproxx%29

   

PornHub’s New Wearable Tech Lets You Use Masturbation To Power Your Smartphone
BY JASON TABRYS • 02.26.15

It’s not often that I get to quote Boyzone lyrics, but thanks to PornHub, I can happily declare that “la-la-la-love will save the day.” Self-love, that is. The ambitious and always interesting porn tube site is entering the tech sector with a wearable that can accumulate gadget-charging power by way of up and down motion. Specifically, the motion that one uses when they masturbate.

The unisex product is called The Wankband, and it allegedly has the ability to save the planet one stroke/rub at a time thanks to a USB port that will allow users to access what the above video calls, “Dirty Power” energy reserves.

So, is this the key to energy independence that so many politicians have been groping for? Gosh, I hope so. Just imagine, America grabbing ahold of the nozzle and taking control at the pump; green grass under a cloud free sky as people pull shifts on the ol’ Spank Farm. To quote Timbuk3, that version of the future is so bright, we’ve all gotta wear shades… because we’re also not going to leave the house anymore. Because of all the efficient masturbation.

In all seriousness, this sounds too good to be true, but PornHub and The Wankband are looking for beta testers, so who knows? Maybe this is the natural next step in the long-ago-forged marriage between technology and pornography.