The REAL Guarantee Thread for 2014

[Townhallsavoy]

I know Six tried to start some shitty counterfeit and maybe many of you haven't realized it, but every year since this site started, I've started the "Make Your Predictions" thread prior to the season starting.  I didn't even realize I had done it every year until two seasons ago.  Consider this the prequel to the calling of the (you know what).

With that said, here are the rules for this season: Make 5 predictions that are mostly not too obvious.  It can be AU related but you may anger the football gods in bringing up Auburn football.

1.  Alabama loses three games and then a fourth in the bowl game and every Alabama fan and most national analysts will wrongly blame Lane Kiffin. 

2.  Florida State loses two games - one to Clemson and one to a team no one expects.

3.  LSU loses no more than two games and will win the SEC championship if they beat Auburn in October.

4.  The PAC 12 experiences a monumental shift in power as Oregon begins to deplete and Stanford's boring run and defense falters as their talent dwindles from the Harbaugh era.  Expect Washington, Wash St, UCLA and USC to be the new guns over the next three years but none of them will put up dominating records like Oregon in their reign.

5.  This year will be known as the Upset Year as many powerhouses that have been destroying teams over the past five years will be losing their footing.  With many non-traditional teams having good teams this year (See Ole Miss, Duke, UCLA) and good coaches building new programs (Louisville, Texas, Arizona, Washington), you can guarantee that most Saturdays will feature very unexpected wins and losses.

[Godfather]

• FSU loses to Petrino & Louisville
• Gatahs lead the east the whole year after USCe loses to us.  Gatahs lose to USCe in their final SEC game to miss going to the SEC Championship.  They then lose to FSU and Muschamp is fired after going 10-2.
• MSU finishes second in the West
• Georgia finishes the season unranked, fans clamor for Mark Richt's head
• The 4 team play-off consists of AU - FSU - Oregon - Michigan State
• Lane kiffin is looking for work again by season's end

[WiregrassTiger]

Ohio State makes the playoff.
The SEC wins the natty.
USC wins the East.
Charlie Ward is on the hot seat in Tejas after a 5 loss season.
Kiffin is not fired.

[Godfather]

Ohio State makes the playoff.
The SEC wins the natty.
USC wins the East.
Charlie Ward is on the hot seat in Tejas after a 5 loss season.
Kiffin is not fired.

These are all very, very wrong. I don't think you understand the concept.

[GH2001]

Ohio State makes the playoff.
The SEC wins the natty.
USC wins the East.
Charlie Ward is on the hot seat in Tejas after a 5 loss season.
Kiffin is not fired.

yes, but he was a GREAT QB! He needs a few more years.


Oregon/Stanford Winner does NOT go to Playoff
Iron Bowl Winner goes to Playoff
Ohio State/Michigan State Winner goes to playoff
FSU will lose a game
Jameis Winston will bang a hot white girl in season against her will and live to smile about it

[Godfather]

yes, but he was a GREAT QB! He needs a few more years.

and a hell of an NBA basketball player!  I didn't realize he was coaching basketball at Texsa

[Godfather]

Jameis Winston will bang a hot white girl in season against her will and live to smile about it

So a typical Friday night in Tallahassee then?

[The Six]

1. Cincinnati knocks off Ohio State (Typical Tommy Tuberville)

2. Stanford beats Oregon for the third year in a row.

3. David Shaw (Stanford) is hired away by a NFL team at season's end.

4. Heisman goes to a QB.

5. Muschamp gets run; Florida tries and fails to lure Gus away from Auburn; Finebaum and the Bammers make up some b.s. about NCAA stink on Gus being the reason he didn't get the UF job; UF hires a coach from the ACC.

[GH2001]

1. Cincinnati knocks off Ohio State and loses to Akron and Bowling Green by double digits. (Typical Tommy Tuberville)

2. Stanford beats Oregon for the third year in a row.

3. David Shaw (Stanford) is hired away by a NFL team at season's end.

4. Heisman goes to a QB.

5. Muschamp gets run; Florida tries and fails to lure Gus away from Auburn; Finebaum and the Bammers make up some b.s. about NCAA stink on Gus being the reason he didn't get the UF job; UF hires a coach from the ACC.

Iffin were being accurate about wingnut.

[The Six]

Iffin were being accurate about wingnut.

No way he drops to Akron though. That's Buster Bowden's team, ya know.

[GH2001]

No way he drops to Akron though. That's Buster Bowden's team, ya know.

Oh. Snap..

Never really thought about it. And if they played Louisville, that would be an awesome trifecta of Auburn's Drama Past.

[Tiger Wench]

1.  I'm sticking to my guns:  Cowpokes over Crabstealers, right out of the chute.  That game will be like a home game for the pokes, since it is in Dallas.  Lots of Okie State fans there, and lots of Free Seafood University Signs.

2.  Duke Williams will be THE GUY that gets talked about this year nationally for his incredible play.  Might be a dark horse Heisman candidate to the detriment of Nick.

3.  Turds lose one they should not.  I think it will be Ole Miss.  Gus and Dr. Freeze collaborate to develop a game plan.

4.  LSU surprises everyone with their new QB.  Lesticles always has some hidden jewels up his sleeve in addition to the large jewels in his shorts, and the West comes down to the winner of AU versus Corndog.

5.  Braxton Miller proves again that he is the most fragile QB in college not named Jeff Driskel and tOSU chokes on their own vomit.

[Townhallsavoy]

FSU loses to Petrino & Louisville

I really, really wanted to make that one.  I think it happens too but just can't claim it yet.

 

1.  I'm sticking to my guns:  Cowpokes over Crabstealers, right out of the chute.  That game will be like a home game for the pokes, since it is in Dallas.  Lots of Okie State fans there, and lots of Free Seafood University Signs.

I didn't even realize they were playing.  Wow, yeah.  I think FSU loses that one too.  No one is talking about how much Florida State lost in the offseason. 

They lose their #1 and 1st round draft pick receiver, starting running back, starting center, 2nd round pick DT, and big time playmaker Lamarcus Joyner.  I'm sure they have talent to fill it in and I don't necessarily dispute their preseason #1 ranking, but I fully expect them to struggle at times during the season. 

[GH2001]

4.  LSU surprises everyone with their new QB.  Lesticles always has some hidden jewels up his sleeve in addition to the large jewels in his shorts, and the West comes down to the winner of AU versus Corndog.

This one ^^^ ya'll.

If there is another sec team that is getting shit on in the preseason as much as us, its the Corndogs. Miles has a better Winning % at LSU than Lord Nicky. Players love him, he's a likeable guy and he motivates his players. They have shit loads of talent and like TW said, he always does this shit when you least expect him to. Yeah, he does dumbass shit yearly, but the dude pulls 10-11 wins out of his ass every damn year.

But hey -  Bammer, UGA and Miss STATE!!!!!!!!

[jmar]

I'm betting that our defense shows significant improvement aaaand our offense too, just not dramatically.

The Turds are cruising along undefeated and again making travel plans while Les and Gus seem out of the mix UNTIL:

We skull fuck the Bammers out of their spot by winning the SEC West getting the nod over LSU due to head to head, whip Spurrier, win the rematch with Jaboo the Rapist and beat Baylor for the giant pen holder.

[wesfau2]

• FSU loses to Petrino & Louisville
• Gatahs lead the east the whole year after USCe loses to us.  Gatahs lose to USCe in their final SEC game to miss going to the SEC Championship.  They then lose to FSU and Muschamp is fired after going 10-2.
• MSU finishes second in the West
• Georgia finishes the season unranked, fans clamor for Mark Richt's head
• The 4 team play-off consists of AU - FSU - Oregon - Michigan State
• Lane kiffin is looking for work again by season's end

Rack him!

Except for that MSU take.  They'll be lucky to be 6-6.

[djsimp]

One game at a time. AU/Ark

Here is my first prediction for the year:

The score will be 14-0 before Marshall even enters the the game in the 1st quarter with two JJ touchdown passes; one to Sammie and one to Duke.

[The Prowler]

Georgia's DL will be really good
Jacob Coker will look like shit, whenever he gets in the game and does more than handoff and throw screens
UF will hire Kirby Smart as their HC...eventually realizing they just made another hiring blunder
Vanderbilt will be shitty like normal

[Tiger Wench]

5.  Braxton Miller proves again that he is the most fragile QB in college not named Jeff Driskel and tOSU chokes on their own vomit.

BOOM. One right already. The Twatters are lighting up that he reinjured his surgically repaired shoulder at practice. 

What do I win, Don Pardo?

EDIT:  Confirmacion. 

Braxton Miller injured his right shoulder in practice today and it is feared he could miss the whole season. Miller injured the same shoulder in the Orange Bowl against Clemson and was slowly working back from surgery in February.

A source confirmed a Miller injury to cleveland.com and said that Miller left the field in significant pain after again hurting his right shoulder during a seven-on-seven drill on Monday. Miller had said, "I'm doing good," when talking to reporters about his progress after Monday morning's practice.

Miller had been limited during fall camp as he suffered through shoulder soreness stemming from offseason shoulder surgery. Urban Meyer said Saturday that he expected a big jump from the quarterback during Monday's practice.

If Miller's entire season is in jeopardy, it seems a good bet that Miller will not be available for the season opener on August 30 against Navy. should that be the case, J.T. Barrett, a redshirt-freshman who just recently surpassed sophomore Cardale Jones on the depth chart, would get the start.

Ohio State has not commented on the injury.

[GH2001]

BOOM. One right already. The Twatters are lighting up that he reinjured his surgically repaired shoulder at practice. 

What do I win, Don Pardo?

EDIT:  Confirmacion. 

Doesn't sound much like a Heisman candidate or a "weapon".