A Wife Admits Why She Killed Her Marriage's Sex Life

[Tiger Wench]

TL/DR - but unless one of those birthday bitches wants to participate, I am pretty much the only married estrogen on this board... so...

I know this is not the crowd from whom I should expect any sort of consideration for the opposite viewpoint.  But there is one - and read all the way through before you go off on me for being a stupid woman.

A man could be flat out falling down on the floor with exhaustion and would still be able to get it up and have sex.  It's biology.  Very little short of unconsciousness (I am allowing for age-related issues here) will prevent a man from having a hard on and that's pretty much all you need to have, other than a willing receptacle. 

It is not like that for a woman.  The biological reaction necessary for a woman's body to be ready for sex is a lot more complicated.  If she is not physically ready for sex, it hurts, plain and simple, and can hurt for a while afterwards too.  So being tired and mentally stressed out and whatnot are legitimate factors for turning women off sex.  Guys generally don't get that, and that's understandable, as they have no basis for comparison because they are not hardwired that way.  We don't understand the level of pain you feel when someone kicks you in the nuts either.  Doesn't make it any less painful for you.

Token is right about her needing to feel sexy - but how the hell does a woman feel sexy if her man doesn't tell her that? (And get over yourselves if you think that means she has to look like a swimsuit model.  I'm guessing Men's Fitness isn't knocking down doors either.  A sexy woman is one that wants her man - end of discussion.)  Not all guys know that you have to prime the pump long before you get into the bedroom - sweet gestures, kind words, notice her, etc. that make her feel sexy.  Don't just roll over in bed and the first words you have spoken to her since you got home from work are "Hey, baby, feeling frisky?"  Because 99% of the time, the answer is going to be an unqualified "NO."  This was my ex-husband's MO - he would come home, actually ignore me totally and completely until lights out, and then expect me to be ready and willing.  Um, no.  You want instant sex with no consideration?  Hire a hooker or buy a blow up doll. Women will shut down a sex life because we resent the hell out of our husbands for using our bodies to make themselves happy when they could give two shits about making that willing body happy in other ways at other times.  It makes us feel no different from a set of golf clubs - take us out for a spin when you want some fun, then shove us back in the corner until the next time.  That is very degrading and causes a lot of resentment.  And let me tell you from experience that when a woman feels unsexy and resentful at home, and some other guy comes strolling along and makes her feel like the hottest thing on two legs?  He might just get what you claim she never wants...

That being said:

If this were a woman I knew, my advice to her would be to remember that men like to fuck.  Men NEED to fuck.  They ARE hardwired THAT way.  In this situation, her husband probably won't mind if getting it regularly means a fifteen minute quickie every now and again (+/-, your mileage may vary).  It doesn't have to be long and drawn out every time, and honestly requires very little real action on her part.  When you don't feel like it and he does, you have to weigh how much you love him and want to make him happy - especially since she admits that this is exactly what she did when they first got together - she loved him and wanted to make him happy.  You cannot expect a man to love you and be faithful to you and deny him the one thing that makes him the most happy.  Get some KY, and tell yourself that it is 15 minutes  of your life that you can certainly spare, 15 minutes of happiness for the one person you profess to love above all else, and 15 minutes that will pay huge dividends in the strength of your marriage.  The Corndog and I have a great sex life, but it's not a multi-hour, candlelight and champagne scene from a porno movie or romance novel every damn time, five nights a week either.  There are occasions when we both want to, and then there are times when he wants to, and I can take it or leave it, but I agree because I know it makes him happy, 15 minutes, blah blah blah.  He is happy, he knows I love him, and I can be back to reading my book inside of half an hour.  He gets this consideration because he shows me and tells me all the time that he loves me, and thinks I am a hottie (and his opinion is all that matters).  We both win.

It's a two way street.

[CCTAU]

Thread. Now. Dead!

[GH2001]

A man could be flat out falling down on the floor with exhaustion and would still be able to get it up and have sex.  It's biology.  Very little short of unconsciousness (I am allowing for age-related issues here) will prevent a man from having a hard on and that's pretty much all you need to have, other than a willing receptacle. 

THIS THIS and THIS....I mean, thats what Ive heard.

It's a two way street.

Maybe old boy likes the one way street.

[WiregrassTiger]

Exactly. If she still looked sexy, she would still feel sexy. And if she felt sexy, she would be spreading it like peanut butter. Either on him, or someone else.

Troof. I know I look and feel sexy and I be spreading it out.

[smooth_operator]

Informative, wench.

Other than that I can't believe you prefaced that novel you just wrote with TL/DR about the other article.
My 2 cents is any relationship involves a certain amount of doing shit you don't wanna do. You gotta live up to your side of the bargain or the agreement is null and void, the big fear for me is I don't feel like there's a way out once you have kids. I'm the product of a divorce and no I wasn't goth or cut my wrists but I sill won't do that to my kids

[Saniflush]

TL/DR - but unless one of those birthday bitches wants to participate, I am pretty much the only married estrogen on this board... so...

I know this is not the crowd from whom I should expect any sort of consideration for the opposite viewpoint.  But there is one - and read all the way through before you go off on me for being a stupid woman.

A man could be flat out falling down on the floor with exhaustion and would still be able to get it up and have sex.  It's biology.  Very little short of unconsciousness (I am allowing for age-related issues here) will prevent a man from having a hard on and that's pretty much all you need to have, other than a willing receptacle. 

It is not like that for a woman.  The biological reaction necessary for a woman's body to be ready for sex is a lot more complicated.  If she is not physically ready for sex, it hurts, plain and simple, and can hurt for a while afterwards too.  So being tired and mentally stressed out and whatnot are legitimate factors for turning women off sex.  Guys generally don't get that, and that's understandable, as they have no basis for comparison because they are not hardwired that way.  We don't understand the level of pain you feel when someone kicks you in the nuts either.  Doesn't make it any less painful for you.

Token is right about her needing to feel sexy - but how the hell does a woman feel sexy if her man doesn't tell her that? (And get over yourselves if you think that means she has to look like a swimsuit model.  I'm guessing Men's Fitness isn't knocking down doors either.  A sexy woman is one that wants her man - end of discussion.)  Not all guys know that you have to prime the pump long before you get into the bedroom - sweet gestures, kind words, notice her, etc. that make her feel sexy.  Don't just roll over in bed and the first words you have spoken to her since you got home from work are "Hey, baby, feeling frisky?"  Because 99% of the time, the answer is going to be an unqualified "NO."  This was my ex-husband's MO - he would come home, actually ignore me totally and completely until lights out, and then expect me to be ready and willing.  Um, no.  You want instant sex with no consideration?  Hire a hooker or buy a blow up doll. Women will shut down a sex life because we resent the hell out of our husbands for using our bodies to make themselves happy when they could give two shits about making that willing body happy in other ways at other times.  It makes us feel no different from a set of golf clubs - take us out for a spin when you want some fun, then shove us back in the corner until the next time.  That is very degrading and causes a lot of resentment.  And let me tell you from experience that when a woman feels unsexy and resentful at home, and some other guy comes strolling along and makes her feel like the hottest thing on two legs?  He might just get what you claim she never wants...

That being said:

If this were a woman I knew, my advice to her would be to remember that men like to fuck.  Men NEED to fuck.  They ARE hardwired THAT way.  In this situation, her husband probably won't mind if getting it regularly means a fifteen minute quickie every now and again (+/-, your mileage may vary).  It doesn't have to be long and drawn out every time, and honestly requires very little real action on her part.  When you don't feel like it and he does, you have to weigh how much you love him and want to make him happy - especially since she admits that this is exactly what she did when they first got together - she loved him and wanted to make him happy.  You cannot expect a man to love you and be faithful to you and deny him the one thing that makes him the most happy.  Get some KY, and tell yourself that it is 15 minutes  of your life that you can certainly spare, 15 minutes of happiness for the one person you profess to love above all else, and 15 minutes that will pay huge dividends in the strength of your marriage.  The Corndog and I have a great sex life, but it's not a multi-hour, candlelight and champagne scene from a porno movie or romance novel every damn time, five nights a week either.  There are occasions when we both want to, and then there are times when he wants to, and I can take it or leave it, but I agree because I know it makes him happy, 15 minutes, blah blah blah.  He is happy, he knows I love him, and I can be back to reading my book inside of half an hour.  He gets this consideration because he shows me and tells me all the time that he loves me, and thinks I am a hottie (and his opinion is all that matters).  We both win.

It's a two way street.

Ready?  Hells bells you don't even have to be awake.

[Snaggletiger]

Ready?  Hells bells you don't even have to be awake.

We don't ask for much. 

[WiregrassTiger]

TL/DR - but unless one of those birthday bitches wants to participate, I am pretty much the only married estrogen on this board... so...

I know this is not the crowd from whom I should expect any sort of consideration for the opposite viewpoint.  But there is one - and read all the way through before you go off on me for being a stupid woman.

A man could be flat out falling down on the floor with exhaustion and would still be able to get it up and have sex.  It's biology.  Very little short of unconsciousness (I am allowing for age-related issues here) will prevent a man from having a hard on and that's pretty much all you need to have, other than a willing receptacle. 

It is not like that for a woman.  The biological reaction necessary for a woman's body to be ready for sex is a lot more complicated.  If she is not physically ready for sex, it hurts, plain and simple, and can hurt for a while afterwards too.  So being tired and mentally stressed out and whatnot are legitimate factors for turning women off sex.  Guys generally don't get that, and that's understandable, as they have no basis for comparison because they are not hardwired that way.  We don't understand the level of pain you feel when someone kicks you in the nuts either.  Doesn't make it any less painful for you.

Token is right about her needing to feel sexy - but how the hell does a woman feel sexy if her man doesn't tell her that? (And get over yourselves if you think that means she has to look like a swimsuit model.  I'm guessing Men's Fitness isn't knocking down doors either.  A sexy woman is one that wants her man - end of discussion.)  Not all guys know that you have to prime the pump long before you get into the bedroom - sweet gestures, kind words, notice her, etc. that make her feel sexy.  Don't just roll over in bed and the first words you have spoken to her since you got home from work are "Hey, baby, feeling frisky?"  Because 99% of the time, the answer is going to be an unqualified "NO."  This was my ex-husband's MO - he would come home, actually ignore me totally and completely until lights out, and then expect me to be ready and willing.  Um, no.  You want instant sex with no consideration?  Hire a hooker or buy a blow up doll. Women will shut down a sex life because we resent the hell out of our husbands for using our bodies to make themselves happy when they could give two shoots about making that willing body happy in other ways at other times.  It makes us feel no different from a set of golf clubs - take us out for a spin when you want some fun, then shove us back in the corner until the next time.  That is very degrading and causes a lot of resentment.  And let me tell you from experience that when a woman feels unsexy and resentful at home, and some other guy comes strolling along and makes her feel like the hottest thing on two legs?  He might just get what you claim she never wants...

That being said:

If this were a woman I knew, my advice to her would be to remember that men like to fudge.  Men NEED to fudge.  They ARE hardwired THAT way.  In this situation, her husband probably won't mind if getting it regularly means a fifteen minute quickie every now and again (+/-, your mileage may vary).  It doesn't have to be long and drawn out every time, and honestly requires very little real action on her part.  When you don't feel like it and he does, you have to weigh how much you love him and want to make him happy - especially since she admits that this is exactly what she did when they first got together - she loved him and wanted to make him happy.  You cannot expect a man to love you and be faithful to you and deny him the one thing that makes him the most happy.  Get some KY, and tell yourself that it is 15 minutes  of your life that you can certainly spare, 15 minutes of happiness for the one person you profess to love above all else, and 15 minutes that will pay huge dividends in the strength of your marriage.  The Corndog and I have a great sex life, but it's not a multi-hour, candlelight and champagne scene from a porno movie or romance novel every damn time, five nights a week either.  There are occasions when we both want to, and then there are times when he wants to, and I can take it or leave it, but I agree because I know it makes him happy, 15 minutes, blah blah blah.  He is happy, he knows I love him, and I can be back to reading my book inside of half an hour.  He gets this consideration because he shows me and tells me all the time that he loves me, and thinks I am a hottie (and his opinion is all that matters).  We both win.

It's a two way street.

All of this is informative but I can tell you this, it's going to take a lot more than sweet nothings and telling me I'm pretty before anyone on here sticks their penis in me again.

[Snaggletiger]

At this point we haven’t had sex probably in maybe three years. I feel perfectly content and happy with our life.

It’s just that there simply isn’t enough of me to do everything I do and be his sex kitten. I’m doing all I can and this should be enough for him. He married me and he made a vow to love me for better or worse and it seems very petty and immature for him to complain about a lack of sex when I have given him everything else.


^^^THIS^^^ right up here is why this is one selfish, stupid beyotch.  Look, I get that it may be harder for women to feel like gettin' jiggy wit it.  Hell, I just had my 30th anniversary and I'm well aware that things go in cycles.  After years and years of marriage, you can't always expect to be aroused by your partner or vice versa.  And sometimes one spouse does have to make the effort when they aren't in the mood but the other one is.  But this bitch is acting like her husband is wanting to drive the skin boat to Tuna Town on a nightly basis.  THREE YEARS!!!  THREE FRICKIN' YEARS!!!!  You think just because you hold up your side of the bargain in a marriage by cooking and cleaning or taking care of the kids, you can make the decision that this is enough and sex is no longer part of your marriage?  If he was a worthless slob who didn't lift a finger to help with any of that himself, I might could see it.  Otherwise, you're a dumbass, selfish bitch.     

[Godfather]

TL/DR - but unless one of those birthday bitches wants to participate, I am pretty much the only married estrogen on this board... so...

I know this is not the crowd from whom I should expect any sort of consideration for the opposite viewpoint.  But there is one - and read all the way through before you go off on me for being a stupid woman.

A man could be flat out falling down on the floor with exhaustion and would still be able to get it up and have sex.  It's biology.  Very little short of unconsciousness (I am allowing for age-related issues here) will prevent a man from having a hard on and that's pretty much all you need to have, other than a willing receptacle. 

It is not like that for a woman.  The biological reaction necessary for a woman's body to be ready for sex is a lot more complicated.  If she is not physically ready for sex, it hurts, plain and simple, and can hurt for a while afterwards too.  So being tired and mentally stressed out and whatnot are legitimate factors for turning women off sex.  Guys generally don't get that, and that's understandable, as they have no basis for comparison because they are not hardwired that way.  We don't understand the level of pain you feel when someone kicks you in the nuts either.  Doesn't make it any less painful for you.

Token is right about her needing to feel sexy - but how the hell does a woman feel sexy if her man doesn't tell her that? (And get over yourselves if you think that means she has to look like a swimsuit model.  I'm guessing Men's Fitness isn't knocking down doors either.  A sexy woman is one that wants her man - end of discussion.)  Not all guys know that you have to prime the pump long before you get into the bedroom - sweet gestures, kind words, notice her, etc. that make her feel sexy.  Don't just roll over in bed and the first words you have spoken to her since you got home from work are "Hey, baby, feeling frisky?"  Because 99% of the time, the answer is going to be an unqualified "NO."  This was my ex-husband's MO - he would come home, actually ignore me totally and completely until lights out, and then expect me to be ready and willing.  Um, no.  You want instant sex with no consideration?  Hire a hooker or buy a blow up doll. Women will shut down a sex life because we resent the hell out of our husbands for using our bodies to make themselves happy when they could give two shits about making that willing body happy in other ways at other times.  It makes us feel no different from a set of golf clubs - take us out for a spin when you want some fun, then shove us back in the corner until the next time.  That is very degrading and causes a lot of resentment.  And let me tell you from experience that when a woman feels unsexy and resentful at home, and some other guy comes strolling along and makes her feel like the hottest thing on two legs?  He might just get what you claim she never wants...

That being said:

If this were a woman I knew, my advice to her would be to remember that men like to fuck.  Men NEED to fuck.  They ARE hardwired THAT way.  In this situation, her husband probably won't mind if getting it regularly means a fifteen minute quickie every now and again (+/-, your mileage may vary).  It doesn't have to be long and drawn out every time, and honestly requires very little real action on her part.  When you don't feel like it and he does, you have to weigh how much you love him and want to make him happy - especially since she admits that this is exactly what she did when they first got together - she loved him and wanted to make him happy.  You cannot expect a man to love you and be faithful to you and deny him the one thing that makes him the most happy.  Get some KY, and tell yourself that it is 15 minutes  of your life that you can certainly spare, 15 minutes of happiness for the one person you profess to love above all else, and 15 minutes that will pay huge dividends in the strength of your marriage.  The Corndog and I have a great sex life, but it's not a multi-hour, candlelight and champagne scene from a porno movie or romance novel every damn time, five nights a week either.  There are occasions when we both want to, and then there are times when he wants to, and I can take it or leave it, but I agree because I know it makes him happy, 15 minutes, blah blah blah.  He is happy, he knows I love him, and I can be back to reading my book inside of half an hour.  He gets this consideration because he shows me and tells me all the time that he loves me, and thinks I am a hottie (and his opinion is all that matters).  We both win.

It's a two way street.

God dammit, what are you doing out of the kitchen?  and who told you, you could wear shoes?

[Godfather]

He is happy, he knows I love him, and I can be back to reading my book inside of half an hour. 

I'd let you continue reading during...just saying...but thats me I'm not selfish.

[WiregrassTiger]

If he was a worthless slob who didn't lift a finger to help with any of that himself, I might could see it.  Otherwise, you're a dumbass, selfish bitch.   

I suspect he's been lifting his fingers in rapid back and forth sequence for three years now, trying to help himself. And don't call me a dumbass you bitch.

[Snaggletiger]

I suspect he's been lifting his fingers in rapid back and forth sequence for three years now, trying to help himself. And don't call me a dumbass you bitch.

I said dumbass, selfish bitch

[ssgaufan]

I said dumbass, selfish bitch

Yeah, get it right you dumbass bitch!

[WiregrassTiger]

I said dumbass, selfish bitch

Oh.

[WiregrassTiger]

Yeah, get it right you dumbass bitch!

Every time you post since your new picture thingy, I touch myself.

[Snaggletiger]

Every time you post since your new picture thingy, I touch myself.

I don't want anybody else.

[Tiger Wench]

Informative, wench.

Other than that I can't believe you prefaced that novel you just wrote with TL/DR about the other article.
My 2 cents is any relationship involves a certain amount of doing shit you don't wanna do. You gotta live up to your side of the bargain or the agreement is null and void, the big fear for me is I don't feel like there's a way out once you have kids. I'm the product of a divorce and no I wasn't goth or cut my wrists but I sill won't do that to my kids

The TL/DR was about my own novel - I read every word of what that chick wrote.  I just knew if I didn't go ahead and admit it was TL/DR, I would have five comments saying just that. 

You are absolutely right - both partners have to agree at some point to do some things they really don't want to do in order to make the other person happy.  No couple has exactly the same list of interests in common - there should be lots of overlap, but not perfect alignment.  So either you love the other person enough to compromise every now and then, or you don't.  And if you don't, you don't need to be together.

[Tiger Wench]

At this point we haven’t had sex probably in maybe three years. I feel perfectly content and happy with our life.

It’s just that there simply isn’t enough of me to do everything I do and be his sex kitten. I’m doing all I can and this should be enough for him. He married me and he made a vow to love me for better or worse and it seems very petty and immature for him to complain about a lack of sex when I have given him everything else.

^^^THIS^^^ right up here is why this is one selfish, stupid beyotch.  Look, I get that it may be harder for women to feel like gettin' jiggy wit it.  Hell, I just had my 30th anniversary and I'm well aware that things go in cycles.  After years and years of marriage, you can't always expect to be aroused by your partner or vice versa.  And sometimes one spouse does have to make the effort when they aren't in the mood but the other one is.  But this bitch is acting like her husband is wanting to drive the skin boat to Tuna Town on a nightly basis.  THREE YEARS!!!  THREE FRICKIN' YEARS!!!!  You think just because you hold up your side of the bargain in a marriage by cooking and cleaning or taking care of the kids, you can make the decision that this is enough and sex is no longer part of your marriage?  If he was a worthless slob who didn't lift a finger to help with any of that himself, I might could see it.  Otherwise, you're a dumbass, selfish bitch.   

It shouldn't be up to her to make a unilateral decision.  Makes you wonder what kind of rock and hard place (haha) decision the guy is in now.  Maybe he is too nice a guy to cheat (and despite the chest thumping, I imagine most of you would be the same way) or maybe his personal beliefs or sense of honor or character won't let him cheat, since two wrongs don't make a right. Or maybe he would love to divorce her but he loves his kids/his house/whatever too much to do so.  So she breached the contract but he can't take action without repercussions he would rather not face. I feel very badly for him.

I will also say this - for whatever reason - severe repression, indoctrination during childhood that told you women shouldn't enjoy sex, or that enjoying sex makes you a slut, bad relationships, no experience, no experienced partners, etc - many women have NO IDEA what good sex is like.  They see it as pleasurable for him only, and/or have that social stigma I mentioned above, that good girls don't like it and never want it and don't enjoy it when they have no choice but to do it.  For any woman like that, the blame is twofold.  First, there is no way to figure out what you like if you don't know your own body. I knew a girl in COLLEGE who had never looked at her naked body in the mirror - she covered up before she got out of the shower.  THAT is just stupid.  Second, some guys buy into the same stigma and don't bother to pay attention to her and making it good for her.  Seems to me that once I figured out how good a Big O felt, and that there was another person willing to help me get there, sex got a LOT more fun and I was much more likely to go along willingly. 

So I wonder how experienced this woman is, and if her husband had no clue, or if he had a clue but could not get her to loosen up enough to enjoy it, so he gave up.

[GH2001]

At this point we haven’t had sex probably in maybe three years. I feel perfectly content and happy with our life.

It’s just that there simply isn’t enough of me to do everything I do and be his sex kitten. I’m doing all I can and this should be enough for him. He married me and he made a vow to love me for better or worse and it seems very petty and immature for him to complain about a lack of sex when I have given him everything else.


^^^THIS^^^ right up here is why this is one selfish, stupid beyotch.  Look, I get that it may be harder for women to feel like gettin' jiggy wit it.  Hell, I just had my 30th anniversary and I'm well aware that things go in cycles.  After years and years of marriage, you can't always expect to be aroused by your partner or vice versa.  And sometimes one spouse does have to make the effort when they aren't in the mood but the other one is.  But this bitch is acting like her husband is wanting to drive the skin boat to Tuna Town on a nightly basis.  THREE YEARS!!!  THREE FRICKIN' YEARS!!!!  You think just because you hold up your side of the bargain in a marriage by cooking and cleaning or taking care of the kids, you can make the decision that this is enough and sex is no longer part of your marriage?  If he was a worthless slob who didn't lift a finger to help with any of that himself, I might could see it.  Otherwise, you're a dumbass, selfish bitch.   

You tell em Tiger.

Show her how to play a little Snags skin flute.