In an ironic twist of a fate, a mascot for a Christian anti-masturbation organization was arrested Sunday for masturbating in public. The group recently finished a federally funded 31-city nationwide school tour which it says focused on educating both children and parents about the dangerous consequences of masturbation.Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin, whose real name is 35-year-old Paul Horner, was arrested on Sunday at Metta Yoga in Phoenix after employees notified police about a man with no pants on peering through office windows.Tom Downey with the Phoenix Police Department, who took Horner into custody, spoke with Arizona news station ABC 15 about the arrest. “We thought at first he was possibly intoxicated or mentally unstable, ya know, talking about children and how deadly it is for them to masturbate. Telling us he was in town with a Christian organization aimed at talking with children about the dangers of masturbation. Saying things like, ‘They need to stop playing on the devil’s playground, stop pounding their devil stick or ringing the Devil’s doorbell’,†Downey said. “Things got very odd when Horner broke down crying in the back of my cruiser and began making noises, kind of like a fish, saying that he believed himself to be an actual dolphin. It was really strange.â€Lonnie Childs who is president and founder of Stop Masturbation Now spoke with reporters about the future of the organization after this recent setback. “Thanks to your tax dollars, Fappy has helped tens of thousands of adults and children learn to live a masturbation-free lifestyle. During his visits to schools around the world, Fappy has collected thousands of signatures from children promising to never masturbate; he has done great things,†Childs said. “It’s a shame how the media is portraying Fappy right now. Paul Horner is a great man. He’s passionate about his work, he loves being Fappy, he loves the kids. They even have a nickname for him, they call him the tickle monster. But now, all of that is possibly ruined by some trumped-up charges by the Phoenix five-oh, such a shame. I have activated my prayer app and I ask each and every one of you to keep Fappy in your prayers until this incident is resolved. Praise Fappy!â€Horner told CNN by phone that he plans to make the most of his imprisonment. “I want to apologize to all my amazing fans out there, I love and miss you all,†Horner said. “You have my word that I will make the most of this bad situation. Jail is just a hotbed for self-rape and immoral acts. I plan to do everything in my power to stop the masturbation currently happening in this jail.â€
The fuck?1st, why the fuck is there a group that's against mastubation?B, how the fuck is masturbation bad for you?3rd, why the fuck did the gubment fund this nationwide tour?lastly, they had to see this shit coming. I mean "Fappy" the dolphin?
Maybe, just maybe, if we stopped funding "wacky" problems here in the U.S., then we could focus our time and money on lowering gas prices or something more worth while. And maybe these "nutt jobs" could get a real job.
Why would they want to do that, when the Government will provide the funding (actually, we provide the funding, but the government signs the gift card).We could start our own religion, pick a verse...any verse, out of the Bible, form it to fit whatever belief you have or make up, then announce it to the public. You will eventually have followers, I guarantee.
The fudge?1st, why the fudge is there a group that's against mastubation?B, how the fudge is masturbation bad for you?3rd, why the fudge did the gubment fund this nationwide tour?lastly, they had to see this shoot coming. I mean "Fappy" the dolphin?
Is this real, or fantasy? Beats me. Someone must be jerking around. Pulling my (third) leg
If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate.
So...djsimp is a saint?
Praise Fappy!
17 Replies
4405 Views