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Bad jokes

GH2001

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Re: Bad jokes
« Reply #100 on: August 17, 2014, 02:01:50 PM »
What has 9 arms and sucks?
























Def Leppard

Not funny

but funny
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Kaos

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Re: Bad jokes
« Reply #101 on: August 17, 2014, 02:17:36 PM »
what's the difference between a ginger and a brick?



Brick's got a chance to get laid. 
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If you want free cheese, look in a mousetrap.

Re: Bad jokes
« Reply #102 on: August 17, 2014, 09:07:48 PM »
A priest and a minister walk into a bar.


The rabbi ducks.
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Re: Bad jokes
« Reply #103 on: August 17, 2014, 09:09:45 PM »
What's the difference between a corn farmer with epilepsy and a blonde with diarrhea?








The corn farmer shucks between fits.
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Kaos

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Re: Bad jokes
« Reply #104 on: August 17, 2014, 09:26:14 PM »
Ok.  This one has me stumped.  I don't get it. 

Was on the golf course Saturday and a twosome pulled up behind us.  Two really old men, 70s or 80s at least. 

One of the guys in our group was playing only for the second time.  People pushing us made him nervous so we let them play through.  One of the old guys says "we're not in any hurry and you're not holding us up if you want to go on."  So the guy with me says "Well, I'm playing so bad having people waiting on us makes me nervous."  Old guy replies "I haven't made anything but sheep nervous in years.  Oh, hey, reminds me of a joke..."

And this is the joke:

I was riding down the road with a friend of mine one day and we saw a nice herd of goats behind a wooden fence.  My friend says to me, 'those are some mighty fine goats. I think I'm gonna fuck one of 'em.'  So we stopped, he got out, used some grass to lure a goat to the fence, grabbed it and fucked the shit out of it.  He was hollering, goat was hollering, hair and sweat just a' flying.  After he got done he come back over to the car and said 'your turn.'   So I got out of the car, walked over to the fence and stuck my head through it....

And then he cackled insane laughter.  Hit the go pedal and drove away. 


I don't get it.  Explain to me? 
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Saniflush

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Re: Bad jokes
« Reply #105 on: August 18, 2014, 07:05:15 AM »
Ok.  This one has me stumped.  I don't get it. 

Was on the golf course Saturday and a twosome pulled up behind us.  Two really old men, 70s or 80s at least. 

One of the guys in our group was playing only for the second time.  People pushing us made him nervous so we let them play through.  One of the old guys says "we're not in any hurry and you're not holding us up if you want to go on."  So the guy with me says "Well, I'm playing so bad having people waiting on us makes me nervous."  Old guy replies "I haven't made anything but sheep nervous in years.  Oh, hey, reminds me of a joke..."

And this is the joke:

I was riding down the road with a friend of mine one day and we saw a nice herd of goats behind a wooden fence.  My friend says to me, 'those are some mighty fine goats. I think I'm gonna fuck one of 'em.'  So we stopped, he got out, used some grass to lure a goat to the fence, grabbed it and fucked the shit out of it.  He was hollering, goat was hollering, hair and sweat just a' flying.  After he got done he come back over to the car and said 'your turn.'   So I got out of the car, walked over to the fence and stuck my head through it....

And then he cackled insane laughter.  Hit the go pedal and drove away. 


I don't get it.  Explain to me?

He was taking the position of the goat and apparently wanted either the goat or his friend to fuck him.

What kind of courses are you playing these days?
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"Hey my friends are the ones that wanted to eat at that shitty hole in the wall that only served bread and wine.  What kind of brick and mud business model is that.  Stick to the cart if that's all you're going to serve.  Then that dude came in with like 12 other people, and some of them weren't even wearing shoes, and the restaurant sat them right across from us. It was gross, and they were all stinky and dirty.  Then dude starts talking about eating his body and drinking his blood...I almost lost it.  That's the last supper I'll ever have there, and I hope he dies a horrible death."

GH2001

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Re: Bad jokes
« Reply #106 on: August 18, 2014, 08:58:59 AM »
Ok.  This one has me stumped.  I don't get it. 

Was on the golf course Saturday and a twosome pulled up behind us.  Two really old men, 70s or 80s at least. 

One of the guys in our group was playing only for the second time.  People pushing us made him nervous so we let them play through.  One of the old guys says "we're not in any hurry and you're not holding us up if you want to go on."  So the guy with me says "Well, I'm playing so bad having people waiting on us makes me nervous."  Old guy replies "I haven't made anything but sheep nervous in years.  Oh, hey, reminds me of a joke..."

And this is the joke:

I was riding down the road with a friend of mine one day and we saw a nice herd of goats behind a wooden fence.  My friend says to me, 'those are some mighty fine goats. I think I'm gonna fuck one of 'em.'  So we stopped, he got out, used some grass to lure a goat to the fence, grabbed it and fucked the shit out of it.  He was hollering, goat was hollering, hair and sweat just a' flying.  After he got done he come back over to the car and said 'your turn.'   So I got out of the car, walked over to the fence and stuck my head through it....

And then he cackled insane laughter.  Hit the go pedal and drove away. 


I don't get it.  Explain to me?

His friend obviously took 'your turn' as - his turn to get banged by the friend replacing the goat.
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Re: Bad jokes
« Reply #107 on: August 18, 2014, 09:24:45 AM »
His friend obviously took 'your turn' as - his turn to get banged by the friend replacing the goat.

Hmm. Ok. All I could think of was RWS blowing goats.

Even after the explanation it wasn't as funny as he tnought it was.
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The Six

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Re: Bad jokes
« Reply #108 on: August 18, 2014, 10:05:55 AM »
what's the difference between a ginger and a brick?
Brick's got a chance to get laid.

I beg to differ

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"I'm sick of following my dreams...I'm just going to ask them where they are going and hook up with 'em later." - Mitch Hedberg

Saniflush

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Re: Bad jokes
« Reply #109 on: August 18, 2014, 10:11:39 AM »
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"Hey my friends are the ones that wanted to eat at that shitty hole in the wall that only served bread and wine.  What kind of brick and mud business model is that.  Stick to the cart if that's all you're going to serve.  Then that dude came in with like 12 other people, and some of them weren't even wearing shoes, and the restaurant sat them right across from us. It was gross, and they were all stinky and dirty.  Then dude starts talking about eating his body and drinking his blood...I almost lost it.  That's the last supper I'll ever have there, and I hope he dies a horrible death."

Godfather

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Re: Bad jokes
« Reply #110 on: August 18, 2014, 10:22:44 AM »
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GH2001

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Re: Bad jokes
« Reply #111 on: August 18, 2014, 10:45:08 AM »
Don't look her in the eyes!

Wont be a problem. Other things will take priority.
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The Six

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Re: Bad jokes
« Reply #112 on: August 18, 2014, 10:47:56 AM »
Wont be a problem. Other things will take priority.

TWO things to be exact.

 :jaw: :jaw:

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"I'm sick of following my dreams...I'm just going to ask them where they are going and hook up with 'em later." - Mitch Hedberg

Saniflush

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Re: Bad jokes
« Reply #113 on: August 18, 2014, 01:24:13 PM »
Don't look her in the eyes!

You are probably going to the special hell.
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"Hey my friends are the ones that wanted to eat at that shitty hole in the wall that only served bread and wine.  What kind of brick and mud business model is that.  Stick to the cart if that's all you're going to serve.  Then that dude came in with like 12 other people, and some of them weren't even wearing shoes, and the restaurant sat them right across from us. It was gross, and they were all stinky and dirty.  Then dude starts talking about eating his body and drinking his blood...I almost lost it.  That's the last supper I'll ever have there, and I hope he dies a horrible death."

Re: Bad jokes
« Reply #114 on: August 19, 2014, 04:13:01 PM »
A baby seal walks into a bar

The bartender says: "What will you have ??"

The baby seal replies: "Anything but a Canadian Club"
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Re: Bad jokes
« Reply #115 on: August 19, 2014, 08:48:10 PM »
What has 75 balls and screws old ladies?



Bingo
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Vandy Vol

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Re: Bad jokes
« Reply #116 on: August 19, 2014, 08:51:29 PM »
What has 75 balls . . .

Snaggs was immediately ruled out as a potential answer.
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GH2001

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Re: Bad jokes
« Reply #117 on: August 20, 2014, 09:13:34 AM »
What has 75 balls . . .

Or a typical party at VV's place.
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Vandy Vol

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Re: Bad jokes
« Reply #118 on: August 20, 2014, 10:27:25 PM »
Or a typical party at VV's place.

One Testicle Tom is a loyal customer.
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Buzz Killington

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Re: Bad jokes
« Reply #119 on: August 27, 2014, 10:04:07 PM »
A jumper cable walks into a bar.  The bartender says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
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Now I may be an idiot, but there is one thing I am not, sir, and that, sir, is an idiot.